RICK VON FELDT: Virtual Socializing

Ramak – thank you for bringing up this topic. How appropriate as we near the first round of our 10 authors topics. 

I was reminded of the impact of the internet this last week as I talked to a potential business partner. She could very well be reading this sentence right now. You see, before our business discussion, she Googled me. And found out about my past on Tsunami’s. And she also found these links. The discussion was about a role in learning and writing. This blog probably gave her insight as to who I was. And it may also have given her good and bad impressions of my writing. But this new virtual technology is here to stay and is changing our society faster than I think we can even imagine.

1. YOUTUBE. People are entertaining one another, getting attention through horrible actions, and finding new found celebrity for their talents, all in a matter of minutes on the web. What you think about this medium for adults? What about for kids? Do the positives outweigh the negatives?

YouTube is a medium. Visual sharing is the phenomena. What YouTube is doing is simply taking the “visual generation” to the next level. When we were kids, we would make “mix tapes” on cassettes. We would call in to radio stations. But there was little for taking creativity and sharing it so broadly, so quickly. I have a friend from where I worked. Her husband is a tech by day – but by night, loves messing around with video. He has worked with his two young sons, and they are “shooting” little movies and posting them on YouTube. It think it is fantastic. It is taking new generations – and giving them whole new outlets for creativity and performance art.
A couple of notes. Ramak, the video you had on is more of a product of FOX NEWS who would actually show such a thing on their television station. Shame on them. But the story about the new Journey singer I think is a great one. I am a Journey fan – and I loved listening to the new version of “Faithfully”

The next part of this whole equation with YouTube is just now manifesting itself as Phones and Cameras add in video. As that continues to happen – and bandwith increases with 3G – these mediums will make us a “video snippet” generation.

I am trying to live it. While on vacation this summer with my niece, I shot video everyday. I still haven’t gotten all the tech down to transfer from HiDef to YouTube – but soon I will. It will be on YouTube. And Haley will be the hit at her school.

2) MySpace, Facebook and LinkedIn. These are great spaces for social, academic and professional networking. So are these websites good or bad for us? Do you have a story to share where your privacy was invaded before you had a chance to react? Does it matter that complete strangers can learn so much about you?

They are absolutely fantastic. I have seen living proof over and over the value of social networking sites. I am a part of alumni groups from 25 years ago that would hardly talk to each other if not for these sites. The pre-cursor were “list servers.” Then came “groups” like Yahoo Groups. These social networking sites like Facebook are the next thing.

But Ramak, each of these three sites are very different in my mind. I don’t like MySpace, which is akin to chaos and the wild wild west. It is a younger crowd – and without much control. Linked in is for the far older – and while I think it has some merit, I have yet to see much benefit from many people on its value. FACEBOOK on the other hand I think is amazing – and is changing culture. Just this week, I am helping to migrate my high school class from a Yahoo Group account to Facebook. I am connecting up with individuals from highschool, 28 years ago, that even then, I hardly had much contact with. Twenty-Eight years later, we are different people. What will it mean? What good will come from it? Who knows.

But the social networking sites are making our new lonely ways of living less lonely in the world. On a Saturday night, if I have not “dates” with friends, I can go to a restaurant, open my laptop, and be instantly virtually connected with a dozen friends. It is amazing.

And it is only the beginning. Future trends involving Twittering, live video and Skyping and other technologies will continue to impact the younger society.

3) Wikipedia. Does it scare you that “unqualified people” (whatever that means) are creating their own version of reality for others to follow, or do you think society is perfecting its information retention through open free market data sharing (much like the concept of a free market economy)?

I like that Wikipedia is helping to organize the world. It makes answer easier to find. When I Google something, if I see a Wikipedia page, I go there first. It does present an interesting question on who and what will get paid to “research” in the future. What I like though is that if you are interested in one single topic, and want to “participate” intellectually in that topic, you can do so.

I will give you an example. I am a big fan of Stephen King’s “The Dark Tower” series. I try to reread the whole series every ten years. But in between, I will get rusty on the details. There is the beginning of a DARK TOWER WIKIPEDIA PAGE on the series. It is not through yet. And it could give me a way with other passionate readers to help contribute to the information. But I also often wonder who had time to write these things?

What is think is wonderful is that this was set up not for profit. It is created by the world, and grows with ideas thanks to two innovative inventors.

4) Blogging. Hey, I’m doing it right now. And, I have to admit, it’s my very first time. A very cool experience (thanks Rick!). When you blog, are you worried about piracy, or idea stealing? Or do you think it’s worth the risk to have the exposure and be able to share information freely and allow, say, scientists from around the world tackle the fight against some disease with real time online communication (you know, Scientific Journals on steroids!)?

ANSWER: I have been a blogger now off and on for 8 years. It is a marvelous thing. From year to year, I get confused on whether the blogging is a) for me b). a creative outlet for my thoughts or c). a way to interact with others. I think it changes, but can suit all three albeit at different times.

I wanted to experiment with this blog to see if ten people could discipline themselves to write interesting things each week. I didn’t know if it would be interesting. Would writers be motivated to want to share? Or did they all say yes because I asked them.

One of the challenges today is that we have information overload. There is just so much more reading in the world then there used to be. I am not sure if we have enough time in the world to read blogs. So – if people don’t read them, then is it enough to just write.

One of the questions I ask a new blogger is, “If nobody reads your blog – will you still write – for you?”

Having said that, I know that blogs are evolving. And there are very smart places where people can get real information that is pertinent to their lives. Mine writing has been more for joy. I hope to move to this newer more relative format in the coming year.

5) On the general state of the internet. Is it positive for our youth? In the middle of the 20th century, rock and roll was apparently poisoning the minds of our youth. In the 1980’s, television was frying our kids brains. Is the internet nothing more than this generation’s temptation that really isn’t as bad as people make it? Or, is it accelerating certain behaviors and/or awareness of the “real world” at too fast a rate for their level of maturity?

ANSWER: I think it would be hard to find few people under 60 who think that the internet is a postitive thing – not only for youth by for the world. I can honestly say my life is so much more enjoyable with the internet. I can live bigger – better and faster because of it.

On the flip side, it might make me live a more solitude life. It might make us more sedentary.

I probably worry a little more about mobile phone technology – and due to the current limitations, the kind of communicators it is making us. Instead of talking, young people are “twittering” – a concept of short phrases (or grunts) to describe a “where” or a “what.” That will translate downstream in to our communication styles.

I suppose the generations past might also say the same thing about how we write letters over the internet today. It was not uncommon for a person to thoughtfully sit down and write a letter of several pages. It would be filled with beautiful words of description. It was artwork. Today, I know few people who write a page on email, if they even write emails at all.

Another item that is being impacted is the "put it out there" attitude of the new generations. There is much more of a "I am who I am" attitude, and therefore, people are less fearful about what they say about themselves for others to see. Older generations are much more used to editing themselves. Because we grew up with perfection as a principle in writing and socializing. This is changing with new generations.  It will cause some problems. But it may also be more liberating as well.

But overall, it is a good thing. I live by the internet. I choose hotels and vacation destinations based upon my ability to stay on the internet. I love it. I love living in the middle of progressive technology

RICK VON FELDT: Funny

1. What scene from a sit-com, book, film or play have you found the funniest and why?

I find myself humorous not funny. I think that is why I don’t remember funny things. I remember in school that there were kids who could recite entire scenes from Monty Python. They would talk themselves into laughing fits by must repeating the lines. I didn’t laugh at the lines. I laughed at them laughing at the lines.

What is funny, so to speak, is that I ended up starring in three comedies on stage, written by comedy writer Neil Simon. But on stage, it was my “comic timing” that made people laugh. But it was subtle human comedy – at the predicaments of life. Not fart comedy. Or “three stooges” comedy which I despise.

If I want to laugh a little, I turn on Will and Grace. I think the character of Karen and her delivery of humor is just brilliant. And the lines out of all of the characters are smart and dead pan delivered.

When I was a kid, I think I laughed a lot more! I would laugh out loud at The Lucy Show. I couldn’t wait for Monday nights. And I absolutely loved Tim Conway and the whole crew of the Carol Burnett show. While writing this, I took a moment to go over to YouTube and look at a few moments of the humor: THE CAROL BURNET SHOW. It still makes me smile . Probably the last time I just remember laughing outloud was when I watched the television series “Curb Your Enthusiasm.” It is a fantastic comedy.

2. When was the last time you laughed so hard it hurt and who or what made you laugh?

I am stumped. I don’t really laugh out loud. I honestly cannot remember this happening. Does that make me a sad person?

3. What’s the funniest or most absurd situation you have found yourself in? Did you find it funny at the time or afterwards?

I recently wrote in my blog about going to a high school dance. Or so it felt like it. That was absurd. I dreaded going to it. I smiled during the middle of it. And laughed at it later.

4. How would you describe your sense of humour and why do you think there is so much variation among individual’s senses of humour?

Peter, great question. Just having to answer the questions above really makes me wonder. As odd or potentially snobbish as this is going to sound, I believe that intelligence has much to do with our own style of humor. We see elements of life differently based upon our ability to understand them. And this then creates various levels of what is humorous to us.

It is interesting that I don’t laugh very much. But if find life humorous. And I actually like it when I can make people smile humorously. But not snort out loud laughter. I also wonder if living alone makes me laugh less?

5. Is humour powerful?

According to the doctors. But I am not sure we laugh as much as a society any more. In America, there used to be a lot of comedy on television. But now, it is all about crime scene investigation, scary things like demons and vampires and super human beings. I wonder if that says something about the psyche of the American people. Or perhaps the times we are in.

RICK VON FELDT: Your Relationship With Food

Jennifer – the article was a brand new topic for me. Thanks for sharing. Growing up, in a farm community, elements of this article as it related way back when were talked about in my family farmer community. The original goal of a farmer was to grow and harvest. As government programs came along, farmers would gather in little granaries at the local co-op and share stories about which government programs would get them the most money. It changed the priority.

I like the intent of the article. I want to believe the author in thinking that this is a national crisis. But with so many other things going on in the world, I don’t think it will get much attention. Fundamentally, it comes down to what I call the “seat belt” dilemma. The question becomes, “What is the role in government in protecting it’s people?”

The author is probably correct. We are dumb about our decisions on what – how and why we eat. And we are killing ourselves. But is the responsibility of government to intercede on behalf of the ignorant people and set a policy (“you must wear seatbelts”) or is it the role of the people to make changes if they don’t want to die early?

Most Americans, (and I can only speak on behalf of my own population), believe that they could do many things to get healthier. We need to exercise. Consume less. And be conscious. But we don’t do it. It is our choice. Is it therefore the role of the government to “Is it the right / responsibility to “provide a healthful diet for all our people …focusing on the quantity and diversity of the calories...eaters consume?”

America makes changes when we have a crisis. We are not smart enough to thwart crisis. We consume. And enjoy our lives until something make it so miserable that we have to make a change. American’s love their cheap $1 meals at McDonalds (not me!). They won’t change – and government won’t change for them, until we hit crisis mode.

QUESTION ONE: How would you describe your diet? How do you feel about it? Do you think you need to change it in any way, and if so, how and why? If you feel you need to change it, but haven't yet, what is standing in your way of making the change?

Because I like variety – my diet is probably better than the average American. I like vegetables. And we have very interesting things here in California. Before moving to Asia, I ate pretty healthy. Enter Asia, where I tried to fit in to local cultures and found myself eating most any type of animal part placed in front of me. I once again developed an affinity for starch (love my noodles) and for oils. I still try to use olive oils. And I true to eat green and orange as much as I can. But my downfalls come from the abundance of artesian breads, meat and cheese in abundance, and great California wine to wash it all down. For my health’s sake, I hope that it is true that red wine counter balances some of the bad things in our diet. If not, well – it was fun in the trying!

I will be like most Americans. I will wait until a crisis happens (heart attack or bad warning from a doctor) to make a change. My bi-annual physicals have been good – and so I will continue to eat my duck liver pate and creamy cheese for a few days longer.

I walk by the “organic section” of my local grocery store as well as the higher priced items at Whole Foods. I don’t choose organic unless it tastes better – instead of “better for you.”

But I did vote for the California proposition on the ballot on Nov 4 to insure that chickens have room to run around. So did the majority of Californians. Now, we will eat chicken from Idaho, but feel better about our conscience.

QUESTION TWO: How do you (and/or your family) eat? (At home/ out/ take-out/ around a table/ standing at the counter/ together/ at different times/ on the go/ et cetera?) How do you feel about this? Again, do you feel the need for change?

As a single guy, the most of my meals are eating in front of the tube. I do focus on cooking quality items. But sitting at a table emphasizes single loneliness. I also find that when I am with people – we are all talking so much that we don’t focus consciously on the tastes of food. Too bad.

QUESTION THREE: Where do you shop for your food? How do your food-shopping habits reflect your values?

When I picked out my new place to live in Redwood City, I took out a map and located the gyms and the Whole Food markets located on the Bay Peninsula. It is important that I have quality markets to shop at. I love Whole Foods and it is always an experience as well as a shopping trip for me. I try to spend more time in the vegetable section. And I avoid the frozen foods section – except for the occasional comfort food like “pot pie.”

QUESTION FOUR: What does your country/ state/ region do to influence how and what people eat? Does this need to change, in your opinion?

Growing up in Kansas – we would see signs on the highway that say, “Kansas – the breadbasket of America.” The reason my family came to America was to be wheat farmers. But now – it is all about profit. I don’t hear my relatives talk about bringing quality to America.

Now living in California – the largest agriculture area of the USA (I found this funny when I moved here. Who thinks of California as the countries largest agricultural state?), I am conscious again on the abundance and choice we have here. There is great opportunity for organic, macrobiotics and everything I between. It is about choice. We just don’t always choose well.

QUESTION FIVE: What one thing can you do to: a) wean yourself off an oil-based diet and onto sun-based foods?b) improve your eating habits and thus your health?c) encourage others to do the same?

I GREW UP thinking about QUANTITY and PRICE over QUALITY. Even though I can afford to eat what I want to eat – I look at the sale prices when I go to the vegetable market. Old habits die hard. Part of the reason is that I know if the price of a vegetable is on sale, then it is in season – and I try to eat from the season.

Coming back from Asia, I have been amazed at the LOW MEAT PRICES. In Asia, it is more expensive to eat meat than vegetables. The opposite is true here. And so I get confused by my own Kansas roots to want to buy big family packages of meat.

What can I do? This article brings it to the conscious forefront. I need to look twice at the organic sections of the market. I need to choose a second green item. And tonight – I will eat vegetarian. After all, yesterday, I consumed enough bird to last me for three days. Check that – until tomorrow when I start in on the leftovers – and the other half of the turkey I have yet to cook.

RICK VON FELDT: Teaching & Learning

ONE: People learn in different ways. It's now commonly A common terminology for these learning styles has been developed since some time ago. And thus, we are thought to be visual, kinesthetic, or auditory. Each of these, having its particularities. What's your learning style? What do you like about it? What don't you like about it?

This particular “three tier” diagram of learning styles is not my favorite. It is too simplistic. Instead, I like a few other methodologies – but in general, I do believe that we can “learn better” by knowing our natural and developed traits.

As an example, this same methodology suggests that we must first know our “primary types of intelligence.” Once we know this – they are our strengths – and indicate how we best learn.

I took a 35-question (free survey) at ACCELERATED LEARNING.

It told me that I am strong in intra-personal, linguistic and visual intelligences. Therefore, if I want to accelerate my learning, I should, for example, have conversations with people, focus on the use of words and speaking and use diagrams.

Indeed, I have known this about myself. I like visual representations. I like to have dialogue either in written or in verbal ways as this “helps me learn.” I know that I am not good at taking a 500 page book, sitting down and reading it and learning a lot from that method. This shows up in my “naturalistic” strength – or lack of.

TWO: What's the most useful thing you have learn that can be applied both, to your personal and to your professional life?

I can’t share it all, because one day, it might be what my book is all about! (I wonder how many people have a fleeting thought of authoring a book on “all that I learned in life…”) Here are a few things that come to mind:

1. IT USUALLY WON’T FEEL AS BAD in the future – as it does today. Bad things happen. They can feel so bad in the moment. But after living through them – I am always amazed at how the bad feeling does eventually go away. It is hard to trust that future promise that everything “feels better with time.”

2. WE LEARN THE MOST from DIFFICULT THINGS. Today, I had a lunch with a friend who told me she was helping another friend get through bad times. She thought out loud about what she could do to help take away those problems. But my advise to her is that it is better NOT to take away the bad thing – but instead to help with skills, advice and support to help to deal with and learn from the problem. Our best learnings in life always come because of the hard things. And as a person who works in leadership development, I would go even farther by saying that those individuals who have gone through some of the most difficult things might actually be the stronger of leaders.

3. KNOW THYSELF. We start out in life and hard dealt a hand of cards. We grow up – and our parents and family change a few of those cards. But that is our hand. The goal for the rest of our life is to know everyone of those cards – what they mean, why we have them, to trade a few out – and then do our very best to play those cards in the best way possible. Few people take time to honestly their own hand of cards.

THREE: Good learners aren't always good teachers. I have the feeling that everyone in this group has become a pretty good teacher, some way or another. Can you share what's been the most useful thing you have ever taught? (To whom? Why?)

Anyone who knows me knows that I value the QUESTION more than the answer. I ask lots of questions. And I hope that I role model the value of asking questions over giving answers. It comes easy for me. But for many others, it is very difficult. Is it my curiosity? A skill? A little of each? The question to self also leads to self knowledge and evaluation. I hope people have learned that from me.

FOUR: This one question I got it from an interview to Mr. Obama I saw in ESPN a couple days ago. What's the best piece of advice you've ever gotten? Why?

In 1984, while in a very junior position in an organization, I was finding my way to make a difference and be a valuable staff member. I was young and wreckless in my approach and mistook the idea of asking questions as a way to impress and influence. The leader of the organization pulled me aside and told me, “You have to know in life when you are Batman and when you are Robin.” The lesson is that I have to choose carefully when I want to support the leader and when I want to challenge them. This planted seeds in me that have helped me in my career on leadership development, hierarchy support, and human motivation. And I have also had my time in life when I really did want to challenge Batman when necessary.

FIVE: This question comes from the idealist in me... If there was one thing you wished everyone in this planet learned, what would it be?

When I read Andy’ answer about “empathy” – I said “YES!” Me too! That is what I want others to learn. Indeed, there are so many things I want people to learn. But this amazing skill to “think and feel as others” is something that I am always baffled at. This selfish refusal to not understand how and why others think and feel causes so many ill wills from one human to the other. And perhaps everyone says that at one point in their life – not matter what generation they are from, but I am becoming increasingly worried about the lack of this in our world. During our presidential elections, American’s ran around challenging people to “believe in their way” instead of asking, “Why do you believe that way?” And with the use of technology – where we don’t connect directly with humans as much as we did – I am scared that we are loosing this capability. And as the world becomes more diverse, and every nook of the earth now has diversity – this can be dangerous. I saw a controversial bumper sticker that bothered me yesterday. It said, “Why should I press 1 for English?”**

**(For non-English as your first language – this refers to a trend when you make calls to support services that have you select which language you want to converse in – usually either English or Spanish. There is a group of Americans that believe no provision should be made for other languages – and that individuals should just speak English. But I would refer to the concept of empathy – and ask if they have put themselves in the minds of others who don’t current speak English. But I don’t think they care about empathy or the feelings of anyone else other than their own convenience of pressing an extra button.)

RICK VON FELDT: Dreams, Youth and Possibilities

ONE: Children have so many dreams. Small ones, large ones. They dream of being astronauts, of becoming a princess or a queen or even a king. As we grew older, our dreams became the shape our futures would take. So my first question is when you were young what did you envision your future to be? And as a follow up, how does it compare to where you eventually arrived?

My earliest recollection of wanting to be something was as a teacher. When I was 2 or 3, my parents went to some kind of school sale, and purchased a whole bunch of school stuff. And suddenly, our play room had a whole bunch of those “one piece” desks with swivel chairs and lift up desk tops. And so – we played school. And since I was the oldest of the three boys – I was the teacher. Mostly because I liked making tests. Funny – I don’t ever remember teaching or studying. We just took tests.

As time went on – I passed a phase of being a lawyer – but decided it was too much school. I went through phases of wanting to be a politician, a priest and a businessman. I used to love to play office – thinking that having an “inbox” was just the coolest. Oh how I have learned to regret those words!

But as time went on – I was interested in two things: Advertising / Marketing and Psychology. I have always enjoyed those two items. I have ended up in marketing roles and training roles – and I think pretty much have followed what I want to do.

All that is left is my little fantasy about being a professional chef…

TWO: I sometimes fantasize about being able to travel back in time, but not in my current mid-forties body. I wonder what it would be like to become who I was in high school or college but with the knowledge and patience I’ve gained in the years since. Second question…if you could go back and become yourself at a certain time in life which time would you choose and why? And if you could only take one bit of knowledge or one trait you’ve gained as you’ve grown older (but not too old!), what would it be? And why again?

I think the year I might do over would be my very first year I traveled in UP WITH PEOPLE, a student group I participated in. It was in 1981 – and I had just turned 19 years old. The start of that year was in Tucson, Arizona, and the Frontier Plane trip to Tucson was my very first airplane trip. I knew a lot about Topeka, but very little about the world, religions, diversity and food. Not knowing much gave me the chance to drink deeply from the well of life. But I am sure that much of life passed me by as I spent each day trying to look like I knew what I was doing while I silently prayed ever hour, literally, for god to give me strength to get through it all.

That year changed my life more than any other year, and so I would not want to mess that up. But if I had the global wisdom I have now – I could have learned more, tried more, tasted more and been more. On the other hand, I went on and traveled four more years in Up With People just to be sure that I got those experiences. Lucky me.

THREE: As a writer, I started off as a reader. I began reading book after book when I was probably around 8 or 9. For me, initially it was mysteries then science fiction. Were you a reader as a youth? If so, what kind of books did you read? Who were some of your favorite authors at the time?

I LOVED READING. I think I remember thinking that might have been my first addiction. In grade school, we would get those little paper catalogues, and we could place orders for books. I was a crazy man. I was already working as a 10 year old at my Dad’s gas station and so I was rolling in the cash. When the book orders came in – it was like Christmas. I would order sometimes 6 or 8 books. Later, I learned it was must mostly the girls that were reading books. And when I looked at what they were reading, it was Nancy Drew. Nobody told me then about the Hardy Boys. And I always thought I wanted to marry someone like Nancy. So I think I read most of Keene’s books. I loved learning about her deductive reasoning skills.

Then, in 7th grade, secretly picked up a copy of the “Exorcist.” Holly Molly. That booked rocked my world. It was the first time I remember getting scared from a book that I had to stop reading it at times. It taught me about horror and the suggestive power of fiction. (And it taught me new swear words. In a book!) Today, mystery and suspense fiction continues to thrill me. Unfortunately, I so disliked reading about history, that I never came to really appreciate non-fiction and biographies. English classes ruined historic novels and poetry. The only thing we didn’t have to read in classes were Stephen King – and so he was my escape. And along with Dean Koontz, he continues to be.

FOUR: Back to the scenario in the first question…I’m wondering if there are any dreams you had which you did not achieve but are still working on, or hoping to achieve? What are they?

I mentioned one up above – that of being a chef. But it scares me – because I am fearful that I would destroy one of my forms of art. It is interesting. In general, I have found myself not exactly describe WHAT I would be – but what I would be DOING. I still have a fantasy that one day, someone sees me in the shopping mall, and wants to cast me in a new Star Trek movie. I also want to one day follow my hero Brett – as a professional author.

FIVE: There are many books in my life that have meant something to me. Books and stories that have stayed with me over the years. Some make me smile, some make me think, some even make me mad. The final question…please share a book that has meant something to you, and tells why.

The book that first changed my life (and others have followed) was a book that my parents had from an insurance course they attended. I was in 8th grade, and in those gawky years of thinking I knew what I wanted to be but unsure of how to get there. I saw this book on the table, and thought, “Yeah – that is what I want to do!” And so I started to read “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie.

That book did several things for me. First, on a prima facie level, it taught me to think out who and “how” I wanted to be. It taught me to focus on others instead of myself. I tried it. It was like magic. The book inspired me to make major transitions in how I looked – what I said and how I interacted with people.

The book also went on to make me so much more interested in human psychology – and to think more and more about what people do what they do. I was inspired to continue my studies in social psychology. And I learned about the secrets of personal reinvention and change.

I have given that book away to many people – young and old since. I occasionally, I pick it up for some great wisdom and reminders!

RICK VON FELDT: Travel, Work and Politics

1. Can you describe a favorite travel memory? It doesn’t have to be extraordinary - simple is good, too – but what is a memory of some travel experience that you treasure?

I consider myself a world traveler. When someone hears that I love to travel, that is always a question (along with “Where is the best place you have lived?”) that I am asked. I usually respond with a deep and heavy sigh. There are so many. I generally divide “great places that I have been” into two categories: 1. BREATHTAKING and 2. MOVE ME TO EMOTIOIN. This is similar to how I judge a good movie. Probably my most “breathtaking” place has been the Maldives. I have never seen a place that more represents heaven – with the most crystal clear water and beaches. And I have seen many. Of course, it helped when the experience was completely paid for by the company that I was working for. In the category of “move me to emotion” – it probably involves food in some way. It probably involves doing something native. For me, that is Japan. The culture – the food – the people take me away from what I know and provide me with a sensory overload of sight – sound – taste and culture. Even today, after having been there over a dozen times – I am still soulfully intoxicated when I go there. And because of those sensory items, I can remember so many details of every trip. My first trip to India, Bangkok, and Vietnam would come right in after that. I guess I still love – and miss Asia.

2. What is something you’ve learned from traveling - a lesson that you’ve tried to carry with you in the rest of your life?

Love the question. A couple of principles that work for me: 1). Focus on knowing the culture – not the language. It is the observation of a people that does more for you than mimicking the sound of a people. 2). We are all human – and generally want the same thing. Start with human motivation, and the rest is just a repeated habit. 3). Seek to understand rather than to be understood. 4). Taste everything. A food is human to all. And it is indicative to a person’s culture. 5). Try most things once – and get beyond judging things because of your own culture. 6). You will get robbed if you travel long enough. If not – you are not a real road warrior. 7). Every culture has it’s own version of a taco 8). Recognize that police in every country have different missions around the world – either to protect, enforce or to guide. Know the role in every country you visit for your own sake. 8). Write what you are experiencing, or you will forget and you will loose that moment when you get older 9). Everyone does not know why they are doing what they do. But discussing it creates a marvelous conversation. 10). Always be sure that you have something as interesting to come home to as you are experiencing out on the road. Otherwise, it causes great conflict. And lastly, 11). My favorite mantra: “Anticipation is fifty percent of the experience – so plan and do it carefully.

3. I’ve been doing a bit of reading about work and careers lately, and came across this quote: “Jump, and a net will appear.” What does that say to you, if anything, and does it apply in any way to your own life?

Well – I can relate to that one. It is similar to my “you have to jump off the lily pad in the river and float downstream” analogy. I can honestly say that I have lived this all my life. And it creates an amazing pattern if you trust and follow it. If you stay on the banks of the river – you will never really know what wonderful adventures are downstream. But you have to jump in the water – and let it carry you.

I am not sure if there is a “net” per se – however – I think there are always better things down the river. You just have to jump. Sure – you get wet. You swallow a little water sometimes and choke. But there is always something more amazing down the river. But the key it so know when to jump (my believe is that if you are thinking about jumping – then it is time. But if you have not “learned 90% of what you came to learn” – then stay for a bit.

I jumped in the water six months ago – for my 12th time. I love it. The water is meandering right now – but soon – I know I will hit rapids. I love it.

4. Here is another quote about work and life choices that I recently discovered: “I must simplify my life, and whittle down what I do to the things that I am absolutely the most passionate about, or else I risk being stuck in mediocrity.” Similarly, what does that say to you, if anything, and does it apply to your own life?

Simplify? Perhaps. For me – that is more about lessoning distractions so that I can focus on the most important things. But don’t take away all of my electronic “distractions.” I love them. Distraction for me is the larger risk these days than mediocrity.

However, this unknown man who is now known and will be our next president has caused me to think again. Here is a man who definitely has put it all out there – refusing to be mediocre. He is focused. And wow – look at what he has done. He is an example of human potential.

My largest fear for myself – and for everyone else in life is not understanding or going for their full potential. When I die – this is the only regret that would matter to me. So – I keep fighting for change and new things.

5. The U.S presidential election is on Tuesday. By the time you have to answer this question, we’ll know the outcome of the vote. How do you think the result of this election affects how the world views the U.S.? (Or, if you prefer, how you personally view the U.S., or how the U.S. might view itself?)

It was just hours ago that I watched Obama named our new president. I cried with excitement. Not since Ronald Regan have I felt hope and potential. If McCain has been elected, I think it would have been ok. But I think we would have had just an “ok” next four years – similar to life for the last eight years. But this is something new. I am so proud to show to our international colleagues around the world true demonstrations of Democracy – and of this amazing belief we have in America that anything can happen. I love showing them the resilience of America – and the idea of “not betting against America.” Obama will be views equally well if not better than Clinton as a global, tolerant person. He looks, talks and acts the part. There is so much to say about this election. While watching the television tonight – I wrote pages and pages of thoughts.

TOP FIVE THOUGHTS from my journal tonight:

1. This was not a campaign. It was a moment.
2. There is a new role model for the 40% minority of America. This election will be viewed in history as one of the most memorable change we could ever imagine.
3. This is a passing from the old generation to the new generation. It is time to pass the batan. Our new generation does not see people as devise groups of color and gender –but as people who have potential. We will be INCLUSIVE versus EXCLUSIVE.
4. We chose hope over fear.
5. This changes everything. In so many ways. In so many ways!

And lastly – my favorite comment came when they interviewed black author Maya Angelo tonight. She said, “We have finally decided not to live with our ignorance.”

EXACTLY!

RICK VON FELDT: Funerals

1. Which is the best funeral you ever visited?

I have yet to attend a funeral that I ever thought was good. I don’t like death. I don’t like any part of it. We can pretend it is a celebration. A party. A going away event. But to me – funerals are not about the dead. They are gone. Funerals are for the living. For me, if I love someone, I am going to be sad.

But I have not been to a funeral since 1999. And it was not a natural death.

I love life so much. I would be one of those people that if asked to make three wishes – first on my list would be to live forever. Second would be to be in good mental and physical health during that never ending life. Therefore, a funeral to me means an end – no more – everything that is wonderful is taken away.

Not believing in a fabulous afterlife also stops me from believing it is a celebration of the passing from one world to the other.

2. Which is the worst funeral you ever visited?

All funerals are sad to me. In 1989, one of my best friends died early in an accidental death. He was robbed of the rest of his glorious days. And we were robbed of him. We did our best to celebrate the good things that happened in his life. But I hated it. I felt so sad. It was one of the times that in public, I was doing the “gasping sobbing” – where you my face ached and I could not catch my breath because of the pain. I tried to tell stories about him. But it only reminded me of what I was not going to have going forward.

And worse was watching his wife. It hurt so much.

And no matter how much I tried to convince myself that it was a part of some plan or it was “mean to be” or he was going to be in a “better place” – it didn’t matter. He was gone. I was sad. And Angry.

Fortunately, I have not had a family member die in over twenty years. That will also be heard when it happens one day.

3. Did you make any plans for your own funeral?

No. I am trying to avoid the idea. Perhaps part of it is that belief that if I think about my own death, I might be speeding up the process.

I am not a big public celebration guy. The idea of having all of my friends come together to “celebrate” my life seems crazy. What’s the point? I am dead. But I am reminded again that funerals are not for the dead – they are for the living. I hope to outlive most of my friends and family – and so hopefully – not many will be around to remember who I was or all of my crazy adventures in life.

If I did start to think about my funeral – perhaps I will have to rethink how we actually do this. Perhaps I will create an ONLINE module for everyone to go through when I die. It might be an adventure game to walk through – both to recap my life, but in true Rick style, to also ask questions – and get people to think.

I WOULD RATHER HAVE A ANNUAL FUNERAL. I am always concerned when people die – people go to funerals to “say goodbye” – and then in many ways – almost forget them. I like to look at it differently. I try not to forget them. On their birthdays, I take personal moments to sit down and spend an hour or so thinking about the dead person. I think about their life – my moments with them, what I learned from them and how to keep their memory alive. I would hope that people would do this for me one day.

4. What are your thoughts on burial in the soil versus cremation? Which is better? Which is better for you? (And did you hear about the Swedish method, not yet sanctioned, where the body and the casket is frozen very very cold, and then vibrated into a powder...? Apparently very friendly for the environment.)

I have not decided on my own final outcome yet. Frankly, I am hoping that cryonics will continue to develop as a potential. If so, I will consider this potential.

The central premise of cryonics is that memory, personality, and identity are stored in cellular structures and chemistry, principally in the brain. While this view is widely accepted in medicine, and brain activity is known to stop and later resume under certain conditions, it is not generally accepted that current methods preserve the brain well enough to permit revival in the future. Cryonics advocates point to studies showing that high concentrations of cryoprotectant circulated through the brain before cooling can prevent structural damage from ice, preserving the fine cell structures of the brain in which memory and identity presumably reside.

If I could find a way to come back to life – and have a chance to live another 100 years – I would. And perhaps I will!

But if not - then cremation seems a more economical and practical way of begin buried. (But I will still preserve some DNA - just in case one day - the world wants another me!)

5. And finally: Isn't it just odd that the word funeral starts with fun...? What are your thoughts on the very word? And what is the word for funeral in your language, if your first language isn't English?

I really didn’t have many thoughts about this. If what Jennifer says is true – then I like the “circle of life” theory. I still cry at the opening and closing of The Lion King which celebrates this idea.

RESPONSIBILITY: Rick Von Feldt

1. What is your principle on RESPONSIBILITY. And how does that play out in your life? (principle defined as: set of beliefs that guide your actions).

I am responding to these questions overlooking a rolling hill in Kansas. I am back “home” for a couple of weeks of non-rushed family connecting. When I fly from San Francisco to Kansas – I have to do it in two flights. The first if over deserts, salt lakes and majestic mountains on the way to Denver. But the one hour flight from Denver to Kansas City is the flight that always reminds me of my roots. The flight this trip as we flew at 36,000 miles above clear skies reminded me of these questions.

Below me – flat planes of geometrically shaped fields are the homes of my people. It is where both of my farming parents we born, raised and rooted in their own values of what is right and wrong.

Each small section of land – with one lonely farmhouse reminded me of a small german farming family that farmed because that is what they do. They keep their head down, get their work done. They stay out of the way of others. They are seldom loud – save for the one or twice a year they get carried away at the wedding of a child, niece or nephew.

Each time I fly over those circles and square of land, with grains and oil producing plants, I wonder how in the world I ever was born out of those field – and still become the person I am today. Yet, even at 35,000 feet in the air, I can feel the quietness of the land – of the people and of the expectations. My soul knows where it comes from. And while I may go out and travel the world – those very lands and people influenced my principles on responsibility.

When I ask myself what I think some of my “non negotiable principles” on responsibility – the following statements come to mind – in no particular order.

- Say what you are going to do – and then do what you say. That is your honor.
- Be responsible for yourself. We didn’t hear mantra’s about going out and being responsible for others.
- Give when asked. But do so quietly and without fanfare.
- Help other people help themselves. But there are expectations with that help.

This is a very “heads down Russian-German” way of thinking here in Kansas. In a recent conversation with my mother, we both concluded that she – and therefore us, were never taught about philanthropy. Both of my parents were poor enough that they should have been the ones to receive. But they didn’t ask. They took care of themselves – raising what they needed to make ends meet by farming, gardening, butchering and bartering. And so – since my mother was not raised to go out and volunteer – but instead to work and take care of yourselves – we were also not raised to be volunteers for the sake of being responsible for others.

If we did give, I think that we also knew that it was conditional giving. Whether because we were trying to avoid guilt, earn our way to heaven or we expected that someday, we might need that very same help ourselves, we did it knowing we could expect something in return. But we didn’t ask it. Or talk about it.

2. Where does the principle of responsibility come from? Does it come from religious beliefs? As an offshoot from philosophical principles like “the golden rule? Does it rise out of fear? Is it a requirement of being human?

I believe that much of our need or expectation for responsibility comes from two lines of thinking. The first comes as an avoidance to bad things that happen to us if we don’t – as taught by churches. The second comes from our believe in the golden rule – and a sense of wanting to belong to a mankind that does for others – hoping they will receive the same in return if needed.

Personally – I think I can narrow now my sense of responsibilities from several sources.

1. Learning the “action – consequence – reward” sequence of working at my dad’s gas station from age 12.
2. Being held accountable as the oldest brother of 3 – often whether I liked it or not.
3. Avoidance to guilt and fear from the Catholic church – ranging from collection envelopes to being an alter boy to knowing that I had to tell god about all of my bad things – that there were would be a response – and so it might just be easier to avoid those irresponsible things from the beginning.
4. Learning about extra credit in junior high school – and what happens if you excelled in school – and the benefits it would bring. But likewise, also learning how awful it felt when you weren’t responsible.
5. My parents schemes on “action – reward” growing up – ranging from paying us weekly amounts for the completion of chores – and set amounts of money for achieving certain grade levels every quarter growing up (until the amounts they were offering were far below what we earned in actual jobs).
6. Cub scouts and boy scouts – both from the responsibility oriented nature of getting merit badges – but also from the consequence of when the group failed.

Growing up – I was introduced to the solemn tasks of responsibility by several key actions. The church taught it to me by being an alter boy. I learned it by the “action/consequence” action of school work – and what happened when you did extra credit. Somewhere, I owe a 7th grade teacher a great deal of credit for introducing the idea that if you not only did the work you were supposed to do – but you did more – you could actually achieve scores BEYOND perfect.

I also learned responsibility by working at the gas station at age 12. I quickly learned that if I wanted the things in life that I wanted – I had to ask what needed to be done – wake up – work and be responsible. That earned me $5 a day. Of course, on those cold weekend days, when my father woke me at 6:00 am – I didn’t have much choice but to be responsible. The real question came later at 16 when I had a car – and then had to make my own choices. If I got up on my own – and drove to work – I would be responsible. That would lead to money. And I could keep earning.

I also remember in grade school that the Catholic church handed all the kids small boxes of envelopes at the beginning of each calendar year. Each small box contained 52 envelopes, and our teachers began using not so subtle methods of telling us that each week that we had to put at least a quarter in to the envelope and place it in the collection basket. No doubt, they were preparing their future contributors for larger more adult donations one day. And this was the way the catholic church taught young minds the habit of contribution. It wasn’t lost on me that each of those little envelopes had our own personal number stamped on those envelopes. I often wondered if there was a small elderly nun whose job each week was to take those envelopes, open them, take our our quarter, and then go to her ledger and mark a check by our number with our name. If we didn’t make a contribution for the week, I wondered if she would one day walk in to our religion class after mass, call out a number, and in front of everyone, say, “Ricky – we haven’t been receiving your quarter for several weeks. We hope that you have been doing anything that might make you go to hell – or put sins in your record that may have you saying Hail Mary’s for an hour throughout the week.”

But this was more about my German-Russian immigrant history. And from what my father taught us as kids.

I love my father today. I didn’t always use those words around him growing up. I resented his strong sense of work ethic – and the distraction that this supposed responsibility caused on his other non-working role as a father.

But I could never argue with the key thing he brought to my head – in addition to those often forgot items like a roof over my head – was hard work and responsibility. He got up at 6am – went to work at his gas station – and came home in the evening. He seldom complained. He seldom said anything. But we learned from his this key element of life.


3. What is something you learned from being irresponsible

Sometimes, I wish I could be less responsible. I wish I could not think about all of the things I should be doing for myself and others. I sometimes wish I didn’t come up with a hundred ideas a day – and then wonder what my responsibility was for getting them done, since indeed, I had been given the gift of that idea.

I always thought that my work for four years in Up With People was one of the most difficult responsibilities. This life in a fish bowl – around 125 students who watched every move – and would criticize you and eventually disrespect you for one slip up of irresponsibility was a tough gig.

One thing I learned however, was that it was not as much about the act of not being responsible that was important. Rather – it was whether it caused an negative action on the lives of others. If it doesn’t hurt others – or if for example, others don’t even know that you are being irresponsible – does it even matter? Can you block our judeo Christian principles – and say, “what the hell – no one will know!” This lead me to evolve one of my principles around responsibility – or at least amend it to think that “Be responsible. And if you aren’t, it isn’t so bad as long as you don’t get caught.” Of course, if you continue to expand that thought – you slide down a slippery hole that will eventually expose you.”

Perhaps another funny little story that happened to me also influences one of my principles. When I was in 5th grade, my father dropped my brothers and I off at a movie theatre. He could only do it during his late lunch hour – and so we had to wait an hour before the next movie started.

It was just above freezing in temperature outside and so we decided to walk around at the back of the movie theatre. There was a small pond – divided in half by a sloped wall. I was told by my father to watch after the two boys. And of course, they had no intention of being bossed around by their older brother. My middle brother, an avid fisherman even at that age, walked out to the edge of the lake. The youngest brother followed. While the middle brother could easily walk across the cement wall dividing the small pond, the little brother was not as skilled. Despite me warning – demanding that neither should be there – they thought different.

In the flash of a moment, the youngest slipped on the mossy concrete – and like a greased pig through hands, slid down the sloped wall into the freezing water.

Knowing that he didn’t swim, and that he was not going to be able to climb up that very slippery wall – I had no choice but to slide down into the water with him and pull him out.

I remember three things.

I remember the people at the movie theatre yelling at us for being in the water, and for asking why we would do such a thing – and me wanting to smack them for asking such a stupic question.

I remember how frustrated I was by getting yelled at my parents for not stopping my little brother from being by the water in the first place – and then for slipping down inside. They didn’t say, “Thank you Rick for saving his life – you are such a good brother.”

And I lastly remember my lesson of thinking it was far better to be the bully – and be over responsible – despite that people (or brothers) would not like me and would not get to learn their own hard lessons in life.

This has created a person in my that doesn’t run from responsibility. And it has created a person in me who is not afraid to ask questions – hold others accountable – and worry less about what others think – knowing the result is far greater than avoiding it.

4. What is an example in the world today in which you, or someone greater than you needs to take more responsibility?

I am not as altruistically giving as I think I should be. I sometimes wonder if I am too responsible for only myself. And yet – when I think I should do more – I struggle with the question of why – and if that answer is actually altruistic?

Right now – I am in a bit of a “limited responsibility” phase of my life. I am taking a break from being responsible for hundreds – and narrowing down my list a little, to insure I am doing enough for a few rather than a little for many.

I do want to be more responsible for knowing WHY I am voting for Obama this year. When I read recently in Time magazine that only 25% people can actually show how their selection of a candidate is because they can specifically point to that candidate, and their belief, and how they are aligned to their own beliefs. To me – that is a right we have. And I want to be more responsible.


5. Is everyone in the world “responsible” for everyone else in the world?

America can’t save the world. We shouldn’t save the world. I believe we have a “responsibility” to help others help themselves. But too often, we believe no one else in the world can do it like we can – and so we rush in to show people how to do it our way.

We are over extended as a nation. Our government – and our people – have to much debt. We borrow – hoping some miracle will come about to make it all better. And we over use supply side economics to get people to believe that an investment in one will create two. But we have just learned that this investment of one is getting us seventy five percent on the dollar.

I know that fact tell us that with the wealth of the world distributed, no one would have to be hungry, poor or in ill health. But I don’t think that is the responsibility of the world. My earlier principle of helping people to help themselves governs my thinking here. I want to save all oppressed people in the world – but I don’t know how we can. When we attack the oppressors – we pay a price. And we may not help the oppressed.

I have a feeling that as I get older, my thoughts on this rather selfish perspective of democracy will start to evolve to a more independent view of social responsibility and discussion on what is a human privilege or a human right.

ATTACHMENT - Rick Von Feldt

1. What Are you attached to that may ultimately be providing more pain, suffering or negative than than pleasure and benefit? And why do you continue to stay attached?

How do you answer this?
Do you first begin by asking, “where do I feel pain in my life?”
Do you ask “what don’t I like about my life or myself?”

I see so many people who don’t like what they are doing – who they are. Or maybe more specifically – people who want to do something different. But they have attachments. And so I thought it was interesting to look at those attachments.

I think my worst “foe attachment” at the moment is the sense for achievement. For the last 5-10 years, I was attached to the chase for achievement (as measured by my professional climb) and wealth accumulation. Each gave me some strong sense of accomplishments. I still sometimes rely on that when I look backwards. But it is interesting how short lived it can be. Four months ago, I was a vice president. Now, I am just a guy who sits at home in his boxer shorts if he wants to. Four months ago – I had some money. But with the economy – and much of that money in the stock market – I have about 40% less money.

So – those things go away.

A second “attachment” challenge comes in my “list” that ultimately sets about expectation. My brain allows me to think of so many exciting things I want to do. Now that I have time – I have no excuses. But then, I get out my “to do” list – and I see literally hundreds of things I want to do – people I want to communicate with – things I want to try. And soon – even though I am relatively free – I see this huge LIST of things that I want to do.

So – do I just give up the list? Do I just “do” whatever comes to mind at the moment? That would be hard – since at the end of each day, I have this inclination to want to think about what I did (accomplish) for the day. It was the beauty perhaps of what has allowed me to be who I am. But this “attachment” to accomplishment also creates angst in my life. And I am not sure exactly if I like it. Or if I want to get rid of it. None-the-less, it has been a part of my DNA for most of my life. It isn’t going away soon. But it is good for me to be aware of.

2.. Does your “attachment score” at the following survey indicate anything important about your feelings on attachment? (Attachment Survey)

As I started to think about the ten people in this group – I realize that I may not have been as focused on diversity as I should have been. Of the ten people, only two of us are not married. And of the 8 that are married, I think that six of the eight are pretty darn happy about it.

So – I am the odd, unattached, single guy. And the only one who is happy about it. I am the only one of the ten that has not given in to marriage – and attachment to another a serious chance.
I guess it should not be surprising then, that my “attachment indicator” is described as being in the “dismissing” quadrant. The survey says “Previous research on attachment styles indicates that dismissing people tend to prefer their own autonomy--oftentimes at the expense of their close relationships. Although dismissing people often have high self-confidence, they sometimes come across as hostile or competitive by others, and this often interferes with their close relationships.”
You have to know – I admire and appreciate all of those folks out there that just love being in love. Or at least love being a part of “two.” For me – it is just an odd thing. I have hard time attaching myself to “just one.” But that doesn’t mean that I am not attached to friends. As some of my friends hopefully know, I am fair to good in terms of friendship. I just choose not to do it with only one person.

This survey tells me that I am uncomfortable depending upon others. It is true. For me – that attachment has spelled trouble in the past. I have high expectations – and thus, it is easy to create that world myself. Then I don’t have such pressure on my friends. Although I am sure many of my friends would beg to differ. I do expect a lot.

3. Is someone too attached to you?

When I wrote the question – I expected answers from our parental writers to include attachment from their kids. Most of our parents have young children – ranging from 1 to less than 10. It will be interesting to see how these new millennial kids and “helicopter parents” interact with them as they grow older.

As a single person – I have made a more specific choice to not have people attached to me. My personal philosophy, children aside, is that indeed, adults shouldn’t be too attached. I need my space. My freedom. I need the ability for spontaneity. I am there for friends and family as they need me. But if it moves towards “attachment” – it becomes too much for me. And I make the judgment that it is also not good for others.

I have wondered if there is some genetic or spiritual choice that is “given” to us to be either more or less attached to people. For that matter, it is the same for things. Is it somehow in our DNA or part of a karma that we must either appreciate or void?

The other element of attachment that is present indirectly in my life is that of my grandmother. She is 94 years old. And she is attached to my mother – even tethered. This is something my mother never anticipated. It is something that I don’t think any of ever anticipate. As children at the beginning of our lives, we are attached to our parents. And now, living so long in life, we are now facing this attachment to someone in our old days. It is a fear that I have. I will have no choice to be attached one day. Over the next years, I have to think about how I can hire people to be attached to so I won’t burden my family and friends one day.

I will become attached one day. To whom is the question?

4. Share your thoughts on the following quote: “"Suffering finds its roots in your desire to be free from something that's either present for you right now or something that you fear may be present for you in the future . . . Your suffering is directly proportional to the intensity of your attachments to these passing phenomena and to the strength of your habit of seeking for some kind of personal identity in the world of forms." - Chuck Hillig

Based upon the first people writing about this question, this quote clearly said a little more to me than others. For that, I then need to ask myself why this meant something interesting enough to use it as one of my precious questions.

Perhaps it comes from recent discussions with family and friends. Lately, I have been interested in the concept of “dream chasing.” It asks humans to relook at what they dream about doing before they die. Once people sit down and actually think about their dreams – items on a list that many have not thought about for years, it becomes interesting to then ask, “So – what stops you from doing it?”

My recent perspective is that it is “attachments” that threatens people from achieving those dreams. As I scrape away the “why I can’t” – I am starting to see that people are fearful of something that will go away if they start to focus on something else. Often, there is that sense of “I am not sure if I am willing to give up the current, because perhaps the future could be even worse.”

For me, and I also believe for others, the other attachment we often find ourselves focusing on are “expectations.” Somewhere along our way in life, we develop these expectations of “what I though I should do” and “what I thought I should be.” But we get in to the middle of life – and forget to continue to make adjustments on those expectations. Those lingering expectations of what we thought we should or would be doing become attachments that we have to shed in order to reinvent ourselves.

One of the games I play with myself sometimes is “what if?” What other things in life could I be doing if circumstance would not be what they are today. I think I could have been a chef. Or an actor. Or a sales leader. I would be a good teacher. Or a psychologist. But I have attachments to these rules, expectations and even fears in my life that prevent me from believing in those ideas. What would it take for me to become unattached to those ideas and fears?

5. Are you able to get rid of the life you’ve planned, so you can have the life that is waiting for you? (See interesting idea on “core beliefs” by Erza Bayda link below)

I love this notion. Perhaps in asking the question, I was trying to preach. I have walked this talk for much of my career. I love reinvention. I love making the most of the world that I am in. But if I sense one of two things – then I make it my obligation to move on.

First, if I ever feel as if I have “learned most of what I can learn” from any situation, person or place – then I feel obligated to move on. Second, if my soul feels as if it is not inspired or challenged – then I also make myself give up – or become unattached – to those things that have kept me where I am.

I love the idea of reinvention.

But it is a very selfish thought. I make the choice to be single. I know it would be much more difficult if you are a part of a family. Perhaps though, each person in the family could have a designated year for reinvention. Kids included. But remember, I believe in the idea that you have to feel as if you have learned most of what you could learn or your soul yearns to be – do – or try something different.

One last thing. Like Jen, one of my fellow writers, I am a list maker. I love lists. However, I have given up on making “to the end of my life” plans. I have learned that there are too many interesting things and situations out there. I throw myself in to the river of life – and trust that it will bring me to the next exciting learning opportunity. And as of yet, I have not found a company or organization that has been able to harness that creativity and restlessness to keep me around for a long time. Too bad. They could have. But most leaders – managers are so bad at sitting down and understanding the dreams and potentials of their team members that they loose out. Big time.

In one of my lives going forward, I am going to help make that better.

ONE LAST NOTE. I am attached to new tastes! As I write this on a Wednesday evening, I am in San Francisco, eating at a wonderful little restaurant called “Bar Crudo.” Ranked in the top 100 restaurants in San Francisco – and one of Wine Spectators Top 20 in San Francisco, it is a charming small place specializing in the fresh tastes of seafood. I am sitting in a corner, eating wonderful raw fishes and lobster salads. Tables of two and four people all around me buzz with conversation. I try to ignore them. I am on a date with you dear reader. I planed to come here this evening and write about attachment. My work done, I will soon leave, and head to a theatre production of a show called “Rock and Roll.” It is described as, “Nominated for four Tony Awards and direct from record-breaking runs on Broadway, Tom Stoppard's newest sensation, Rock 'n' Roll, hits the A.C.T. stage to smashing reviews. Don't miss this rapturous, decades-spanning tale of passion, politics, and rock music” It should be fun! Have a great week dear readers!

AUTHOR BIO: Rick Von Feldt

(updated!) RICK VON FELDT, Redwood Shores, California. Retiree. Thinker. Writer. Rick spent 13 years in the high tech industry specializing in Human Resources, training and leadership development. In May, 2008, he has been taking a sabbatical to enjoy other things on his dream list besides work. His root are from Kansas, but he has lived across the world including 7 years in Singapore and Japan. In addition to his blog “Run Rick Run” at www.morethanatob.blogspot.com, you can also read about Rick’s experiences in the middle of the 2003 tsunami at www.phukettsunami.blogspot.com. Along with hundreds of others who experienced the tsunami, Rick blogged the stories of himself and other survivors. He is single. A uncle of six. And a friend of many.