WEEK 10: VIRTUAL SOCIALIZING

FIVE QUESTIONS ON: VIRTUAL SOCIALIZING
THIS WEEK’S AUTHOR: Ramak Siadatan


My friend, and former boss, Rick mentioned that he was interested in my “youthful perspective.” I have since learned that there are at least a couple of you no more than two or three years older than me. This tells me youthful isn’t a reference to my age, but my state of mind. And Rick, I’ll take that as a compliment! For this week, I wanted to find something youthful to discuss.

Well, I think I’ve got a good one here. Virtual socializing. It’s all the rage! In fact, we’re doing it right now. Because of Rick, I am sharing my personal thoughts and views of myself, my past, life, the world, laughing, crying... all with 9 people I have never met. Pretty remarkable right?
I can find anything I want to buy. I can locate old friends. I can read about great new discoveries happening across the world moments after they happen. I can probably see videos of elephants chasing deer in the Amazon. And, as we know, I can also find out very personal information about people who don’t want me to see it. I can encourage other people to do stupid, dangerous and illegal things just for my own amusement. I can research a prospective employee without them ever knowing. I can tell complete falsehoods and convince possibly thousands or even millions of people to believe me. All from the comforts of my own home, my car, an airport, a coffee stand or at the top of a mountain. Two sides to every coin, right?

That is what I am hoping you will all explore with me this week. The good, the bad and the ugly of virtual socializing and information sharing. We’ll tackle YouTube, Myspace, Facebook, Wikipedia and even Blogging. Sound like fun? Here we go!

1) YouTube.
Here’s something fun: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pShf2VuAu_Q&feature=related.
Here’s something horrifying (and you don’t need to watch more than a minute or so, really): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bPjWG6wAfQQ&feature=related.
Here’s something inspiring: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5nnNji6s3ck.

People are entertaining one another, getting attention through horrible actions, and finding new found celebrity for their talents, all in a matter of minutes on the web. What you think about this medium for adults? What about for kids? Do the positives outweigh the negatives?

2) MySpace, Facebook and LinkedIn. These are great spaces for social, academic and professional networking. You can catch up with friends you haven’t seen in fifteen years, talk homework, help a friend find a job and share pictures of your life. I’ve done all of these things. I also know that if I’m going on vacation, and don’t want anyone to know, there is still the chance that one of my friends will leave a comment on my page saying “have fun in Hawaii!” Or if I’m not even a member of Facebook, one of my friends can send another one of my friends a comment saying, “Hey, give Ramak a call. Here’s his phone number.”

So are these websites good or bad for us? Do you have a story to share where your privacy was invaded before you had a chance to react? Does it matter that complete strangers can learn so much about you?

3) Wikipedia. Great encyclopedia, right? Get answers to any question. In fact, a friend of mine encouraged her fifth grade students to go there to research facts for their science fair projects. Here’s what Wikipedia says about itself:

“Wikipedia is written collaboratively by volunteers from all around the world; anyone can edit it... Visitors do not need specialized qualifications to contribute, since their primary role is to write articles that cover existing knowledge.”

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:About

Does it scare you that “unqualified people” (whatever that means) are creating their own version of reality for others to follow, or do you think society is perfecting its information retention through open free market data sharing (much like the concept of a free market economy)?

4) Blogging. Hey, I’m doing it right now. And, I have to admit, it’s my very first time. A very cool experience (thanks Rick!). When you blog, are you worried about piracy, or idea stealing? Or do you think it’s worth the risk to have the exposure and be able to share information freely and allow, say, scientists from around the world tackle the fight against some disease with real time online communication (you know, Scientific Journals on steroids!)?

5) On the general state of the internet. Is it positive for our youth? In the middle of the 20th century, rock and roll was apparently poisoning the minds of our youth. In the 1980’s, television was frying our kids brains. Is the internet nothing more than this generation’s temptation that really isn’t as bad as people make it? Or, is it accelerating certain behaviors and/or awareness of the “real world” at too fast a rate for their level of maturity?

Discuss! :-)

RAMAK SIADATAN - Funny

1. What scene from a sit-com, book, film or play have you found the funniest and why?

You know, Peter, you are not making my life easy here! Not only was I considering a similar subject for my week of questions, the irony is that I can’t even answer this!! J

I think Jennifer mentioned this as well, but to me funny is all about timing. What I thought was funny as a kid, may not be funny now. Likewise, I laugh at things now that never made me laugh before. A lot of it is about context, for sure.

So, then, how do I answer this question? With what is funny to me now? Or what made me laugh the hardest in the moment? Or perhaps it’s what I think would be sustained funny? You know, funny then and STILL funny now!

Let’s talk TV...here is a sampling of sitcoms, variety shows and cartoons that I think will always be funny to me – and they cover decades of TV and span all types of comedy: Three’s Company, The Cosby Show, Perfect Strangers, Seinfeld, Boy Meets World, the Carol Burnett Show, Abbott and Costello, Married with Children, Bugs Bunny, Cheers, Fawlty Towers, Golden Girls, Family Ties, How I Met Your Mother, Mad About You, Mork and Mindy, Soap, Taxi, The Muppet Show, I Love Lucy

Try any of them and you will learn TONS about me and my personality.

After I wrote this list, I went online to make sure I didn’t forget anything...you can do the same here:

http://www.dmoz.org/Arts/Television/Programs/Comedy/Sitcoms/

And since I’ve talked about TV, the scene I’ll pick is from a movie. Ben Stiller stars in one of my favorite “stupid-funny” movies...you know, the ones that are so utterly ridiculous in plot, acting and lines you can’t help but laugh? I’m talking about movies that might star Jim Carrey, Adam Sandler or Chris Farley. But a lot of those movies are just bad to me. Some make me laugh. And a few, like The Three Amigos, are like classics to me.

So back to Ben Stiller. I’ve already grown tired of him, but ten years ago he put out a movie that became an instant classic stupid-funny movie.... Zoolander. Here’s the prep for the scene you’re about to watch. Stiller is a male supermodel, which means he is stereotypically unintelligent (well, just plain dumb), totally self absorbed and completely unaware of anything beyond the extreme superficial. In this scene, he and his male modeling friends are going out to help Stiller deal with his depression and it, of course, leads to a montage involving playful fighting, slow motion moves, and yes, Wham singing in the background:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jMdXHQb9JE0


2. When was the last time you laughed so hard it hurt and who or what made you laugh?

Well, I laughed pretty hard when I rewatched the clip I just posted. Does that tell you anything? I love laughing. I am always looking for an opportunity to find the humor in something, and if I’m not the one doing the laughing I am trying to make someone else laugh. I have squirted milk out my nose, choked on my food, woken up with sore ab muscles, you name it. And it happens so often I can’t remember the last time.

Accidental comedy makes me laugh the hardest. There was one time I was sitting in a training class at work. I had just been hired and was in this class with 14 other new hires. We eventually realized the weird squeaking noise we kept hearing was the result of someone in the room tapping their foot against the metal leg of the chair. But the tone of that squeak and the complete unawareness by the person that she was the one making the sound eventually left us all in an uproar. You know...that kind of laughter that is silent, tears are streaming, you’re convulsing and the last thing you need is for your instructor to ask you a direct question. But he did. And I lost it. We all lost it. It was totally harmless, everyone was laughing, but there was no good reason for it. I love those moments.


3. What’s the funniest or most absurd situation you have found yourself in? Did you find it funny at the time or afterwards?

Here’s one. My wife and I flew to Toronto for my cousin’s wedding. We weren’t married at the time. When we got there, we had no idea what was in store for us. Rather than sit back, take in some sights, go to the wedding, toast, laugh and drink, we found ourselves in an entirely different situation. We were calming down arguing family members, shopping for tea cups at IKEA for the wedding reception, decorating the wedding site, putting out chairs and tables at the reception site, cutting the cake and serving it to 200 people, spray painting tree branches in the snow that were stolen by all of our parents, and yes, making the drive to the Emergency Room due to a freak ping pong accident that left the 55 year old brother-in-law of the groom clinically dead for about 30 seconds (he’s fine now). Absurd? Yes. Funny? Oh yeah. Did we think it was funny then? I did. My wife didn’t. Now? We can’t stop telling the story. Simply outrageous, and I wouldn’t change my family for anything in the world.


4. How would you describe your sense of humour and why do you think there is so much variation among individual’s senses of humour?

I love irony, sarcasm, slapstick, witty, romantic, goofy, silly, dry, dark, all of it. I think I am just so grateful to be alive and thankful that I am healthy and capable as a human being, that I’m perpetually in a good mood. So my sense of humor is pretty loose. There it is...I’m loose when it comes to funny. (Insert joke here!)


5. Is humour powerful?

Only if the other person agrees. ;)

RAMAK SIADATAN: Your Relationship With Food

1. How would you describe your diet? How do you feel about it? Do you think you need to change it in any way, and if so, how and why? If you feel you need to change it, but haven't yet, what is standing in your way of making the change?

My diet is an interesting blend of "old world" and "new world." The Persian culture I have grown up in is centered around social gatherings, food, and, of course, tea. :) So from the old world I still eat regular amounts of rice, kabob (beef, chicken, lamb, etc), various meat/herb stews, feta cheese, pita bread, nuts, fruit and tea. From the new world, here in California, I eat regular amounts of everything else! That includes eating out at Italian, Mexican, Thai, Chinese, sushi, pizza, burgers, fast food, etc. It also includes cooking a great deal at home... again, chicken, ground beef, steak, turkey, sandwiches, fruits and veggies, cheddar cheese, juices, clear sodas, beer, wine, you name it.

I have a steady dose of protein, carbs, vegetables, fruit, dairy. I eat breakfast, lunch and dinner (though I used to skip breakfast for years out of laziness or lack of time). My portions are average for American diets, probably large for European or certain Asian diets. For the most part, I am happy with my diet. I would like to cut back on some of the processed foods, but as others have mentioned time and convenience play a huge role there. We usually don't eat out for dinner more than once, maybe twice a week, so we are cooking at home a lot...this is usually going to be healthier.

So from a health standpoint, I feel pretty good about my diet. In terms of impact on the environment, while we are not completely organic, we do avoid certain fish that aren't being raised/caught "properly" and make other small decisions like that. In general, I think I wouldn't change much about my diet at this point.

2. How do you (and/or your family) eat? (At home/ out/ take-out/ around a table/ standing at the counter/ together/ at different times/ on the go/ et cetera?) How do you feel about this? Again, do you feel the need for change?

Well, I already touched on this one a little. Breakfast - always home made/store bought. Lunch - always home made for my wife, and usually home made for me (though I occasionally give in once or twice every couple of weeks for a fast food item). Dinner - home made usually 5 or 6 nights a week. I make my wife's breakfast and lunch, and she usually eats those at work. I eat both of those meals seated at the kitchen island at home, since I normally work from home. We are trying to get up early enough to have breakfast together, and so far that's working about once a week. :) We eat dinner either at the dinner table, or on the couch with tv trays so that we can watch television. Since she has about a 45 minute commute, we usually end up with 4 or 5 hours together at night. The first hour is spent working out, so that means tv time and dinner will often go together to make the most of our time.

We would like to be more leisurely and relaxed when we eat, but all things considered I think we do a pretty good job.

3. Where do you shop for your food? How do your food-shopping habits reflect your values?

Large chain grocery store - Safeway. That's where most of it comes from. We are substitute shoppers, meaning we'll take the alternative at a discount in lieu of a favored brand. However, our juice is 100% juice, our bread is 100% whole wheat, our fish is wild, etc. As long as it fits within those and other parameters, we don't care about brand name. We also shop for bulk / pantry items at Costco, a North American wholesale wharehouse store that sells in bulk at deep discounts.

Where we shop definitely reflects who we are. We try to shop within a budget, being flexible about brand names while maintaining certain standards as it relates to the quality of the food we consume. Mostly we are making sure the food we eat is healthy for our own bodies while trying to avoid food that is blatantly and inexcusably damaging to the animals or fields or people involved in the preparation of the food. So, we try to temper sensitivity to the outside world with concern for our own health while being mindful of our budget. That's probably us in a nutshell! (But I don't eat nutshells.)

4. What does your country/ state/ region do to influence how and what people eat? Does this need to change, in your opinion?

California is crazy. Sometimes that's good. Sometimes that's bad. I like to think that for every 100 stupid ideas we have in California, we have two or three incredible ones that might change the world. Take that for what it is, but it is where I live.

It is important to note for this question that my wife graduated with an animal science degree, and has spent several years studying, researching and doing field work in areas related to the raising of different animals for food consumption. Also, her family has spent generations in California's agricultural heartland, and while her family hasn't had a farm for decades, they are all very much interested in the livelihood of California's ag industry.

That being said, the animals raised for food are not in nearly the dire straights that you hear on tv, read in print, or see popping up as Propositions on the voter ballots. When it comes to cows, for example, you have to remember that these are expensive animals and the livelihood of their owners' financial situations. Many of the people accused of mistreating animals wouldn't dream of actually doing so as it would directly impact their own economic situations. Now, there are obviously other cases of poorly treated animals, unhealthy living conditions, etc and these need to be dealt with aggressively.

As for the crops being raised in California, you would be surprised at the various regulations involved in maintaining healthy and environmentally protective crops. Again, we work hard in this state to do things the right way, and the jittery few that raise unnecessary concerns ultimately just cost taxpayers money in fighting a war that has already been won. Obviously, there is still work to do, but the focus sometimes isn't on the right things.

I think the answer for our state, and other states, continues to be in the research universities around the world. They are the ones constantly working to help us raise better crops and healthier animals in more environmentally friendly and nutritionally advantageous ways. We really should be asking ourselves what we can do to continue to fund such work.

5. What one thing can you do to:a) wean yourself off an oil-based diet and onto sun-based foods?b) improve your eating habits and thus your health?c) encourage others to do the same?

a) I like oil. I really do. Try having a Persian stew without oil. Totally dry, doesn't taste very good. And food should be enjoyed. We have been given many gifts as human beings, and the ability to taste and appreciate food is one of them. So I say, give oil a chance! LOL (this in no way is meant to disparage the sun, without whom I wouldn't be so tan)

b) Improving my eating habits.... consistency. That's the one word. Go to the store regularly, plan out your meals weekly, look for the right combination of taste and health. But do it every day, every time. That's how you change your eating habits to be what you want. Then again, that's also how you improve your exercise routine, your work regiment, just about anything in your life.

c) Educating others....talk. Just keep sharing and chatting. Adults are usually set in their ways. The best you can do is raise awareness and over time, many will make adjustments while others will never get there. The best you can do is just keeping talking about it.

RAMAK SIADATAN: Teaching and Learning

1. People learn in different ways. It's now commonly A common terminology for these learning styles has been developed since some time ago. And thus, we are thought to be visual, kinesthetic, or auditory. Each of these, having its particularities. What's your learning style? What do you like about it? What don't you like about it?

I am an auditory learner. Found this out in college. My professor used me as an example, and asked me to tell him something about my activities the previous weekend. I described going home to visit my mom, while he watched my eyes, my body language and my word choice before telling me I was an auditory learner. Oddly enough, the thing that most stood out about that weekend visiting mom was that she had left the stereo on in “tape” mode and the only one who couldn’t think until it (and the accompanying feedback noise) were gone was me. We are all a little visual, a little kinesthetic and a little auditory...but we all each lean more so in one direction. I like being auditory because I like remembering conversations. You know, little stories in my head. It also makes learning fun for me, as I can run a play-by-play of what I learned and never lose it. What I don’t like is how long it takes me to drown out outside noises before I can concentrate on certain things. For example, the first forty pages of any book are the toughest for me because my brain is constantly distracted by any and every noise.

2. What's the most useful thing you have learned that can be applied both, to your personal and to your professional life?

I’ve mentioned this one in an earlier week. The world is based on people’s perceptions. No statement has affected me more in my personal and professional life. I think what enables me to be successful is being thoughtful and considerate of other people’s feelings, looking at the world through their eyes, and truly understanding their unique perspectives. It has helped me relate better to my family, my friends, my students when I was teaching, my peers and my supervisors at work...you name it.

3. Good learners aren't always good teachers. I have the feeling that everyone in this group has become a pretty good teacher, some way or another. Can you share what's been the most useful thing you have ever taught? (To whom? Why?)

In general, I think the most useful thing I have taught people is to not be so hard on themselves. Again, both in my personal and professional life, I see people who convince themselves that the world is out to get them, that they can’t learn something, that they aren’t as good as other people. And these are intelligent, hard working people who get so focused and driven they don’t stop to be thankful for what they have and what they have accomplished.

4. This one question I got it from an interview to Mr. Obama I saw in ESPN a couple days ago. What's the best piece of advice you've ever gotten? Why?

I already shared one piece of advice from which I have learned a great deal. So I’ll give a different one here. Be yourself. Short and simple. Life is a lot easier when you accept who you are and chase your passions.

5. This question comes from the idealist in me... If there was one thing you wished everyone in this planet learned, what would it be?

That human beings, for the most part, are wonderfully flawed. And that each of us is just trying to live our lives with the minds and bodies we were given at birth, doing the best we can.

RAMAK SIADATAN: Dreams, youth and possibilities

1. Children have so many dreams. Small ones, large ones. They dream of being astronauts, of becoming a princess or a queen or even a king. As we grew older, our dreams became the shape our futures would take. So my first question is when you were young what did you envision your future to be? And as a follow up, how does it compare to where you eventually arrived?

As a little kid, the first two professions I decided on were author and music conductor. At the same time. Interestingly, that says a lot about who I am beyond the fact that I’ve been a musician for almost 25 years and I love to write. You see, I love everything. I want to write, I want to play music, I want to play sports, I want to socialize, I want to climb the top of the business mountain, I want to hide in the woods and live of the land....I’m a dreamer. But I’m also practical. So knowing I can’t be all of those things at once, and knowing I could never choose just one and be satisfied, I live in a combination world where some things I do a little bit of all the time, and other things that are more time consuming are in a two-three year rotation. And I think I can safely say that I’m living out many of my life’s dreams, in small doses, and perhaps one day will have a bit more flexibility to enjoy them on a larger scale.

2. I sometimes fantasize about being able to travel back in time, but not in my current mid-forties body. I wonder what it would be like to become who I was in high school or college but with the knowledge and patience I’ve gained in the years since. Second question…if you could go back and become yourself at a certain time in life which time would you choose and why? And if you could only take one bit of knowledge or one trait you’ve gained as you’ve grown older (but not too old!), what would it be? And why again?

Go back and alter the course of my life, eh? That’s a tough call. I’ve thought about this one a lot, and the part of me that appreciates the life shaping, personality altering events that have made me who I am today, squirms at the idea of going back and changing something that might remove some of those events. Make sense? That being said - if I could go back to a time, and relive just that era and return to today without any impact to my present self, it would be college. I only spent three and a half years in college, and for as much as I did while I was there, I still feel like there were a lot of other experiences I didn’t have time for. Places I wanted to go, classes I wanted to take, different social circles I wanted to explore. College is such an amazing time of growth, learning and personal exploration. Would be nice to have a few more years of that.

The one trait I would take back would be now would be assertiveness. That’s not to say I wasn’t assertive before, but there’s definitely a different layer of “comfortable in my own skin” that I have now that I didn’t have before. And I think that is what would have helped me push myself into some new experiences.

3. As a writer, I started off as a reader. I began reading book after book when I was probably around 8 or 9. For me, initially it was mysteries then science fiction. Were you a reader as a youth? If so, what kind of books did you read? Who were some of your favorite authors at the time?

Definitely a reader. Alfred Hitchcock and The Three Investigators...what a fun series. Agatha Christie mysteries...but only the ones with Poirot. E.B. White and Judy Bloom had great books to read for that age. Anastasia Krupnik...what an oddly fun character she was. Ogden Nash...now there’s a poet a nine year old can rally behind! There were tons more, but those are the ones that stand out the most.

4. Back to the scenario in the first question…I’m wondering if there are any dreams you had which you did not achieve but are still working on, or hoping to achieve? What are they?

Writing. Music. Sports. Family. Friends. (Not necessarily in that order!) These are ongoing dreams that, as I mentioned, run in an endless loop. I keep chasing them down in different ways and discovering new things. So they are all a work in progress. Though I suppose career ambitions will probably start to play in there as I get deeper into my 30’s.

5. There are many books in my life that have meant something to me. Books and stories that have stayed with me over the years. Some make me smile, some make me think, some even make me mad. The final question…please share a book that has meant something to you, and tells why.

I am the same way – if it is a meaningful book, it will stick with me whether I read it once or multiple times. The book I’ll share may be a bit of a departure from what you might expect when someone answers a “pick one book” question. Shel Silverstein is a very creative story teller. Anyone who has grown up with his books knows exactly what I am talking about. But until about seven years ago, I had never heard of “The Missing Piece Meets the Big O”.

Timing has a lot to do with how well a book sticks. And my friend knew exactly when to share this one with me. If you have ever been young (late teens, early 20’s) and in love, and you aren’t sure if you are in the relationship because of the person you are with or because you just want to be in a relationship, read this book. It will speak volumes in just fifty pages of two lines per page. Lift...pull...flop.

RAMAK SIADATAN: Travel, Work and Politics

1. Can you describe a favorite travel memory? It doesn’t have to be extraordinary - simple is good, too – but what is a memory of some travel experience that you treasure?

Only one? Not fair. I have to give at least two. When I read this about seven or eight popped into my mind, and more since. I’ve been lucky – travel has happened for both personal and work reasons and I ALWAYS pull out a few memorable moments.

First one is extraordinary. 2004 Athens Olympic Games. My wife and I are attending the Opening Ceremony. Both of us have been life long fans of the Games and the Olympic Spirit. We appreciate the beauty of people coming together for the sake of something as simple as sport. We saved up for years, and in fact, weren’t even dating when we decided to make the trip three or four years earlier. So that moment when we were sitting there, with 90,000 of our newest friends, sharing in a global experience with the entire world represented not only the spirit of the Games that we sought out, but also the journey we had taken together over three or four years to get there. Just amazing. Chilling, really.

Second one is more subtle. I’m touring with my youth symphony. We are doing two weeks in Eastern Europe shortly after the wall fell in Germany. We performed in Vienna, Salzburg, Budapest and Prague. There was one night, eating dinner in a village outside Salzburg. A few of us wandered off to soak in the night air, and then the world just stopped. An amazing array of colors in the sky, everything was still and no one moved. I then turned to my friend and said, “did you just feel the world stop?” He replied, “I thought it was just me.” Then we sat in silence another thirty minutes. A moment that will never happen again, and you’re so thankful you recognized it when it did.

2. What is something you’ve learned from traveling - a lesson that you’ve tried to carry with you in the rest of your life?

Don’t forget about getting there and getting back. Traveling is more than just what you do at the destination. If it’s a personal trip, enjoy the pieces involved in putting the trip together. If it’s a work trip, appreciate the unique opportunity you have to go somewhere without spending additional dollars out of pocket. And then, if you’re on a plane to get there...enjoy the flight! If you’re driving, enjoy the drive! So much of my fun on trips has happened in transit. As a member of a college marching band, we took vans, buses, planes, private cars...you name it... just to get to a football game. And the stories from those trips are some of the best of my life.

3. I’ve been doing a bit of reading about work and careers lately, and came across this quote: “Jump, and a net will appear.” What does that say to you, if anything, and does it apply in any way to your own life?

A net doesn’t just appear. Someone needs to know you need a net, or you need to build the framework upon which the net can be placed. The “miracle” net is a rarity, and one that should definitely not go unappreciated. But in general, I think you build your own foundation as you go. When you are honest, caring, good to other people, patient, not cutting corners and thinking about more than just tomorrow, you are building safety nets with every move. I have definitely received my fair share of nets after jumping...and there’s a reason behind each one. The real “miracle” net for me, however, was landing in a family where despite not agreeing on most things, everyone agreed that raising my brother and I properly was always to be the number one priority. I didn’t jump for that net...they wrapped me in it before I ever knew how to leap.

4. Here is another quote about work and life choices that I recently discovered: “I must simplify my life, and whittle down what I do to the things that I am absolutely the most passionate about, or else I risk being stuck in mediocrity.” Similarly, what does that say to you, if anything, and does it apply to your own life?

Honestly, I like mediocrity. The little things sometimes create the funniest stories, or the coolest learning experiences. For example, rather than pay my bills online or mail them in, sometimes I just drive to the local/regional office in town to make the payment. Driving around town eats up time (and gas), but it’s amazing how many cool things I stumble upon while I’m out. Great conversations with strangers, bumping into friends, finding new restaurants...the list goes on.

That being said, the “big” things have their limits. And yes, I focus only those for which I have the most passion. Everything else is “nice to get to”, but without a few priorities it’s hard to keep control of your life.

5. The U.S presidential election is on Tuesday. By the time you have to answer this question, we’ll know the outcome of the vote. How do you think the result of this election affects how the world views the U.S.? (Or, if you prefer, how you personally view the U.S., or how the U.S. might view itself?)

I’ll chance being a bit risqué with my response. There’s an American cartoon show for adults called South Park. And four years ago, they had an episode about an election for a local school that was between “A Turd” and a “Douche Bag.” If you know enough American slang, then I don’t need to explain any further. But just in case you don’t know, let’s just say I’m never really thrilled with my presidential choices. I think the impact a President has on the United States is fourfold: 1 – Level of inspiration on the public. 2 – Ability to charismatically and smoothly interact with other world leaders. 3 – Selection of the Cabinet. 4 – Initial war-time decisions. That’s it. I don’t think the President has any real impact on the economy, jobs, anything. Mostly, a President is a source of motivation. People who are inspired will work harder and you’ll see self-fulfilling prophecy changing the direction of the country more than any decision the President makes. Likewise, be uninspired and people’s negative attitudes will reflect poorly on our country and our economy/markets. I think the world will have two views of our President-elect. Some will be inspired by the progressive step our country has finally taken. Others will potentially see an opportunity to take advantage of someone who is strong in his knowledge but lacking in his international political experience. Ultimately? I think the election itself will have more of an effect than the man over the next four or eight years.

RAMAK SIADATAN: Prejudice and Stereotypes

1. What are some of the things people who don't know you very well tend to think about you?

I talk too much. I can’t possibly be that happy. I can’t possibly be that sincere when I ask people about their lives. I assume the task was to talk about the bad impressions. J In case you wanted some good things it would probably be...friendly, smart, jovial.

2. Which of these assumptions are true?

Most of them are true. The ones that aren’t...I actually AM that happy. I actually AM that sincere. I really just like people. And despite being 31, I think I’ve seen a lot in my life and many things that might stress others doesn’t really change my blood pressure. But yes...I definitely talk too much!

3. Which stereotypes about your country are true about you, if any?

Tough question. Stereotypes are often stereotypes because there is partial truth. For my country... the government is definitely anti-American. The people, not really. The government definitely has beef with Israel. The people, not really. Mostly, a Middle Eastern country like mine just wants to be left alone without the influence of the “Western” world. Obviously it’s not that simple. But I would say the extreme parts of most stereotypes are what should be looked at the hardest for the level of truth.

4. What are situations in which you find yourself to be prejudiced?

Depends on what it means to be prejudiced. I have made many observations about different people from different cultures or ethnic backgrounds, but it doesn’t in turn wield some negatively formed opinion by me of the people I come across from that culture / ethnicity. So if prejudice is a function of thinking or behaving negatively towards a specific group of people because they are *that* group of people, then I don’t really ever find myself to be prejudiced. But do I make observations? Well, see my answer to the next question.

5. To you, what value is there in stereotypes?

A stereotype, if observed thoughtfully and questioned properly can be a useful tool in understanding what drives a particular person to behave and interact as they do. For example, it is a stereotype that people from my culture wear lots of gold and smell heavy with cologne/perfume. And you know what? There are many people in my culture who fit that profile. I would just point to two things to “manage” the stereotype properly. First, realize that doesn’t apply to everyone. Second understand a little about those who do embody the stereotype. Behind the gold and perfume is a culture founded in a region where gold is very accessible, the sense of smell is not overlooked among the other senses and that the people have grown up to be social creatures wanting to be amongst others that want to talk about life, eat, dance and find a soul mate. And you really will find that just by digging into the stereotype a little bit.

RAMAK SIADATAN: Funerals

1. Which is the best funeral you ever visited?

My high school music conductor was such a sour puss. It took very little to shake his good mood and leave him snappy, overly critical and just plain harsh. Now when he was in a good mood, he was very jovial and could pontificate on just about any subject...and did. I think he was always that way, but later figured at least some of the moodiness was a result of his fight with HIV/AIDS. It was a fight he eventually lost, but in the process he learned to open up more and many of us became very close to him. His service was in a large beautiful church in San Francisco. A small group of us were asked to perform at the funeral, playing excerpts from his favorite musical piece...Phantom of the Opera. It was amazing. We made him proud that day, and each of us who performed felt a bond with him we never knew existed until that moment. That moody angry passionate man left quite the impression on all of us. He is definitely missed!

2. Which is the worst funeral you ever visited?

When you live halfway around the world from the vast majority of your extended family, there are a lot of “worst” funerals. People you love dearly that you really only knew from phone conversations and stories your parents told you. The unexpected ones, especially in war time...those hurt the most. We would have wakes on our side of the world and there was always a great deal of pain, crying, screaming. Death is something out of any family member’s control, but it’s definitely compounded when you are so far away when it happens.

3. Did you make any plans for your own funeral?

Nope. Maybe everyone can go miniature golfing in my honor and have some pizza afterwards. But they’ll be ok. I’ll keep an eye on them from wherever I am!

4. What are your thoughts on burial in the soil versus cremation? Which is better? Which is better for you? (And did you hear about the Swedish method, not yet sanctioned, where the body and the casket is frozen very very cold, and then vibrated into a powder...? Apparently very friendly for the environment.)

Bury me. Don’t know why, but returning to the earth just sounds nice. The only Swedish method I use is massage related...and I definitely sanction that. Yes, I make jokes. J We laugh to keep from crying!

5. And finally: Isn't it just odd that the word funeral starts with fun...? What are your thoughts on the very word? And what is the word for funeral in your language, if your first language isn't English?

Phonetically I think it’s something like “Maurasam”. And “Mau” doesn’t mean fun. In general, I think lots of words are weird. And sometimes, a word you use your whole life sounds fine until one day you stop and think about it and realize it is just totally strange. I think I put “funeral” in that category.

RESPONSIBILITY: Ramak Siadatan

1. What is your principle on RESPONSIBILITY. And how does that play out in your life? (principle defined as: set of beliefs that guide your actions).

I know Rick provided a definition of the word responsibility, but still don't really know what it means. To me, the use of this word is an example of how society overuses and misuses a word until many people are just left confused. (Take for example how many times I said "word" in the last two sentences...overused, right? Who wants to listen to a guy who can't be creative enough to use the full breadth of the English language even though he grew up in an English speaking country!) Apparently, I digress...

Here's what "thefreedictionary.com" has to say about "responsible":

1. Liable to be required to give account, as of one's actions or of the discharge of a duty or trust.
2. Involving personal accountability or ability to act without guidance or superior authority: a responsible position within the firm.
3. Being a source or cause.
4. Able to make moral or rational decisions on one's own and therefore answerable for one's behavior.
5. Able to be trusted or depended upon; reliable.
6. Based on or characterized by good judgment or sound thinking: responsible journalism.
7. Having the means to pay debts or fulfill obligations.
8. Required to render account; answerable: The cabinet is responsible to the parliament.

Really? We use this word to describe morality, reliability, skewed opinions on "good judgement", following through on legal obligations....it's all just too much.

My track coach in high school was the first person to tell me that the world is based on people's perceptions. So who's perception of responsibility is the one we go with? My interpretation of Rick's response is that sometimes you can only go with the experiences that directly shaped your own life and the perceptions you have based on the beliefs and actions of those around you.

Growing up, I understood responsibility to be something you were told you had to do. My parents told me I was responsible for studying hard and doing my best. They told me I was responsible for keeping my room clean, being respectful of others, speaking up when something was wrong, doing "the right thing." I felt obligated to do these things. After all, they were my parents and they new best.

Somewhere along the way, I started believing in those things I was responsible for. I embraced them. I'm not really sure how it happened, it just did. And in turn, over time, it translated into a few basic tenets that guide my life.... treat people with respect, try to look at the world through the eyes of the people you interact with, enjoy your life and family and friends, work hard at something you find passion in... these are all responsibilities I assign myself. Sooner or later, you become your own person and find the strength from within to hold yourself accountable via self discipline, alignment to a group/religious affiliation to help guide you or develop a moral compass through your interactions with people you respect and admire.



2. Where does the principle of responsibility come from? Does it come from religious beliefs? As an offshoot from philosophical principles like “the golden rule? Does it rise out of fear? Is it a requirement of being human?

Nature...then nurture...then nature again. It's within you, then it's shaped and guided by the philosophies of those people most influential in your life, then it's back to your instincts and feelings as an adult. I'll be honest, my principle of responsibility came not only from my parents, religious beliefs and the golden rule....it also came from what I saw on television, music I've heard on the radio and dreams I have when sleeping. Every human being feels responsible to at least one thing.

3. What is something you learned from being irresponsible

That throwing your pet bird into the air doesn't mean the bird knows to come back...

4. What is an example in the world today in which you, or someone greater than you needs to take more responsibility?

Anyone not doing their job. You're a senator...do your job. Don't tell me how you're going to fix the economy...it was your job to make sure we had a good budget in the first place. How can I trust you will do a good job in the White House when you didn't do exactly the things you're complaining about as a member of the group capable of doing those very things.

If it's your job to deliver a good...and that good is not delivered, take accountability. Do your job. Don't blame someone else. Rick said it best, say what you're going to do and then do what you said. Don't do it half baked, don't pretend like you did it in the hopes no one will notice...just DO YOUR JOB. (And don't think for a second I'm excluding myself from this rant!) ;-)

5. Is everyone in the world “responsible” for everyone else in the world? Is a country responsible for something greater than their country?

Honestly (and quite sadly), I don't think Darfur is anything more to the people of the American government than just another staging ground for a debate. I know behind our government are real people with real feelings, but those feelings are not what drives the behavior ofthe United States government. And for that matter, I feel that way about many/most governments around the world.

For every reason explained to us about the presence in the Middle East, we know there are countless others not explained to us. Ultimately, I just don't want to be lied to. If you're going somewhere to establish a presence for another reason, then just say that. "Hey, there's a group of people out there that are important to us for financial, political and military reasons. We're going to hang around their neighbors to make sure the best interest of OUR country is preserved." That, to me, is being honest. If you want to help the rest of the world, you should feel a responsibility to take care of yourself and your people, protect your countries interests abroad where it's threatened, and be neighborly by giving what you can when asked.

Yes, everyone in the world is responsible to everyone else in the world. We are responsible for taking care of our own people, and being good neighbors where possible. Beyond that, if you are going to get involved in other people's business, you better be pretty darn sure that there is a general consensus from the rest of the world that you are doing the right thing.

ATTACHMENT: Ramak Siadatan

(Posted by Rick from email sent to me by Ramak)

1. What Are you attached to that may ultimately be providing more pain, suffering or negative than than pleasure and benefit? And why do you continue to stay attached?

Sometimes, it is hard to let go of your security blanket. When I was very young, it was literally a blanket...and I eventually tripped on it. A little older, and it was my teddy bear, Charlie. He and I tumbled down the escalator and scared every one of the movie theater patrons within eye/earshot. Older still, and it was that first relationship that should have ended long before it ended. I don't think I get attached to things that are bad for me...sometimes, I think I just stay attached a little too long, and that's when it can hurt. This brings us to right now. What am I still attached to that I shouldn't be? I don't know. And there's a good chance I won't know until it's too late. But when I do find out, it will make for yet another great story in my current life chapter.

2. Does your “attachment score” at the following survey indicate anything important about your feelings on attachment? (link: http://www.web-research-design.net/cgi-bin/crq/crq.pl

"Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the secure quadrant. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that secure people tend to have relatively enduring and satisfying relationships. They are comfortable expressing their emotions, and tend not to suffer from depression and other psychological disorders."
Whew. What a relief. =) Ok, not really much of a relief...I think I already knew that. The survey definitely reinforces something I've learned over the last ten years (and remember, I'm not that old, so 10 years is a LOT!). In romantic relationships, the more secure you are with yourself, the easier it is to be with someone and recognize that while you don't want to lose that person, you aren't afraid to lose them.

3. Is someone too attached to you?

I come from a culture of passionate, loving people. It is very hard for me to think someone is "too attached" to me. My wife, for example, is quite capable of taking care of herself...but she, like me, chooses to be attached. And we like it that way. I am thankful for each person in my life that is pushing the boundaries of being too attached. I wouldn't want it any other way. They are wonderful human beings.

4. Share your thoughts on the following quote: “"Suffering finds its roots in your desire to be free from something that's either present for you right now or something that you fear may be present for you in the future . . . Your suffering is directly proportional to the intensity of your attachments to these passing phenomena and to the strength of your habit of seeking for some kind of personal identity in the world of forms." - Chuck Hillig

With all due respect to Chuck, that's a little too scientific a response for my taste. Do I agree with him? I'm sure I agree with what I think he's trying to say. For example, perhaps you are suffering in a relationship because you can't tear yourself away from a bad situation. It goes back to that notion of being in love versus being in love with the idea of being in love...or sometimes, more simply, just being too comfortable to want to change your situation. But there is a big difference between a "desire to be free of something" and a *need* to be free of something. Many times in life we need something that we don't want.

5. What Are you attached to that may ultimately be providing more pain, suffering or negative than than pleasure and benefit? And why do you continue to stay attached?

I suppose I can get rid of the life I planned, because I plan at a very high level. Long ago, I learned that life doesn't work for me if the plan is too detailed. I know I want to enjoy my family, learn from people, teach people, help the ones I love. And as I explore and grow and change, so do my plans. In some respects, I get rid of different parts of my life plan all the time and replace them with new ones. The trick is too be consistent with who I am and what I feel I'm about as life, and the world around me, changes.

AUTHOR BIO: Ramak Siadatan

(updated!) RAMAK SIADATAN. Sacramento , California . Husband. Thinker. Generation X..."the final years." Manages a Learning & Development operations team. Ramak is passionate about family, friends, sports and music. He loves to listen, teach and speak. Some day he hopes to retire into teaching high school math, coaching track and field, and writing on the side. Until then, he continues to learn about the world through his own observations as well as through the eyes of everyone he meets.