1. What are some of the things people who don't know you very well tend to think about you?
A tricky question since I also don’t know the people who don’t know me very well. I guess though some people might view me as being a little serious and reflective – perhaps even a little ‘anal’? Some may even think I’m conservative? People who know me better know that I have a broad and occasionally bizarre sense of humour and a left-leaning, liberal political orientation.
2. Which of these assumptions are true?
Certainly not the assumption that I am conservative. I can be quite serious and reflective though and sometimes I do need to remind myself to temper idealism with realism and not to get too ‘worked-up’ over the things that get me angry – prejudice, anti-intellectualism, narrow thinking…
3. Which stereotypes about your country are true about you, if any?
Australians are typically seen to be free and easy people with a laconic style and friendly disposition. We’re known for being intolerant of ‘bull-shit’ and those who seek to assert their superior social status. I guess this description is generally true of me also though I tend to be less laconic and perhaps not as ‘free and easy’ as other Aussies. I also wrestle less crocodiles then my fellow Australians and have only once ridden on the back of a Kangaroo!
4. What are situations in which you find yourself to be prejudiced?
Ditto Bob’s comments on ‘right-wing’ nutjobs. I also find myself prejudiced against those with narrow views but who also fail to read or attempt to broaden their understanding of any important issue but rather cling to ill-conceived, self-interested and anachronistic ideology.
5. To you, what value is there in stereotypes?
Only in reminding us that the basis of prejudice is often founded on a gross perceptual error. To take someone’s skin-colour, gender or sexual orientation and link this to certain negative behaviours or characteristics is plainly stupid.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Friday, October 31, 2008
BOB RIEL: Prejudice and Stereotypes
1. What are some of the things people who don't know you very well tend to think about you?
Well, I just got back from an appointment with a new chiropractor and am currently sitting in a local cafe, where I just had a short conversation about coffee and Halloween with a barista who only recently began working here. Neither of these individuals know me well at all, so what would their impressions be of me? I think for someone who doesn't know me very well, I come across as friendly, down to earth, calm, probably unexcitable. People who know me slightly better probably assume I am relatively organized.
2. Which of these assumptions are true?
All of them, at least to some degree (otherwise people wouldn't get a certain impression, right?). However, with people who know me well, I think I'm more excitable, have more interests and am less organized than I probably show in public.
3. Which stereotypes about your country are true about you, if any?
Americans are generally seen as a friendly people. They are also perceived to be individualists and risk-takers. And, for better or worse, I guess most non-U.S. citizens perceive Americans to be woefully uninformed about or uninterested in the rest of the world. I meet the first stereotype in that I'm a friendly person who is easy to get along with. I'm an intermittent risk-taker (more than some people but less than others, and perhaps less than I should be). I am, though, very interested in the rest of the world.
4. What are situations in which you find yourself to be prejudiced?
Does it make sense to be prejudiced against people who are prejudiced? And does this mean, in fact, that I'm no better than those I'm prejudiced against? Sorry, but I do find myself with a prejudice against those who judge others by their skin color or their education or whatever. And I can't help myself, but I'm prejudiced against the right-wing nutjobs who make up the base of the national Republican party here in the U.S. Not against all Republicans, as there are some very good and reasonable ones out there, but some of these people really need to get a grip on reality.
5. To you, what value is there in stereotypes?
Stereotypes are valuable to the degree that they give us a flavor of the truth. Just as in question one, surface assumptions about an individual have at least some basis in reality but are rarely the entire story. It's the same with stereotypes about a people or culture. They are not completely true, but there are enough nuggets of truth to give us insight into how a people act and think.
Well, I just got back from an appointment with a new chiropractor and am currently sitting in a local cafe, where I just had a short conversation about coffee and Halloween with a barista who only recently began working here. Neither of these individuals know me well at all, so what would their impressions be of me? I think for someone who doesn't know me very well, I come across as friendly, down to earth, calm, probably unexcitable. People who know me slightly better probably assume I am relatively organized.
2. Which of these assumptions are true?
All of them, at least to some degree (otherwise people wouldn't get a certain impression, right?). However, with people who know me well, I think I'm more excitable, have more interests and am less organized than I probably show in public.
3. Which stereotypes about your country are true about you, if any?
Americans are generally seen as a friendly people. They are also perceived to be individualists and risk-takers. And, for better or worse, I guess most non-U.S. citizens perceive Americans to be woefully uninformed about or uninterested in the rest of the world. I meet the first stereotype in that I'm a friendly person who is easy to get along with. I'm an intermittent risk-taker (more than some people but less than others, and perhaps less than I should be). I am, though, very interested in the rest of the world.
4. What are situations in which you find yourself to be prejudiced?
Does it make sense to be prejudiced against people who are prejudiced? And does this mean, in fact, that I'm no better than those I'm prejudiced against? Sorry, but I do find myself with a prejudice against those who judge others by their skin color or their education or whatever. And I can't help myself, but I'm prejudiced against the right-wing nutjobs who make up the base of the national Republican party here in the U.S. Not against all Republicans, as there are some very good and reasonable ones out there, but some of these people really need to get a grip on reality.
5. To you, what value is there in stereotypes?
Stereotypes are valuable to the degree that they give us a flavor of the truth. Just as in question one, surface assumptions about an individual have at least some basis in reality but are rarely the entire story. It's the same with stereotypes about a people or culture. They are not completely true, but there are enough nuggets of truth to give us insight into how a people act and think.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
ANDREAS EKSTROM: Prejudice and Stereotypes
1-2 What are some of the things people who don't know you very well tend to think about you? Which of these assumptions are true?
I don't drink alcohol, because I don't like the taste of it. It breaks through, in beer, in wine, in liquor and in cocktails. So I don't drink it. (I don't like celery either, but noone has ever put much effort in trying to get me to eat celery...) People tend to think I am a control freak because of that. It's true that I am, to an extent – but it has little or nothing to do with me not liking a particular taste. (How much control do you lose over two glasses of wine to dinner? That is not the issue.) People also think I don't mind conflicts, since I am confident and express myself well. But I do, boy do I ever.
3. Which stereotypes about your country are true about you, if any?
Swedes are dull. I am not. Swedish food is bland. I don't cook bland food. But Swedes are also said to be morally liberal, democratic, non-corrupt, a little envious by nature, tall and fair skinned. Yep, that's me.
4. What are situations in which you find yourself to be prejudiced?
I am generally quick. Quick to analyze, quick to categorize, quick to understand. Sometimes I rush it. I always have to make sure I re-evaluate often. And I try to put very little pride in being right – that does make it easier to change one's mind...
5. To you, what value is there in stereotypes?
A stereotype is often based on a foundational truth – that might not be true all the time, or with all people. I might make use of it in some sort of simplified context, to understand the first little bit of what there is to understand. And that's ok, as long as I am aware of what is what.
I don't drink alcohol, because I don't like the taste of it. It breaks through, in beer, in wine, in liquor and in cocktails. So I don't drink it. (I don't like celery either, but noone has ever put much effort in trying to get me to eat celery...) People tend to think I am a control freak because of that. It's true that I am, to an extent – but it has little or nothing to do with me not liking a particular taste. (How much control do you lose over two glasses of wine to dinner? That is not the issue.) People also think I don't mind conflicts, since I am confident and express myself well. But I do, boy do I ever.
3. Which stereotypes about your country are true about you, if any?
Swedes are dull. I am not. Swedish food is bland. I don't cook bland food. But Swedes are also said to be morally liberal, democratic, non-corrupt, a little envious by nature, tall and fair skinned. Yep, that's me.
4. What are situations in which you find yourself to be prejudiced?
I am generally quick. Quick to analyze, quick to categorize, quick to understand. Sometimes I rush it. I always have to make sure I re-evaluate often. And I try to put very little pride in being right – that does make it easier to change one's mind...
5. To you, what value is there in stereotypes?
A stereotype is often based on a foundational truth – that might not be true all the time, or with all people. I might make use of it in some sort of simplified context, to understand the first little bit of what there is to understand. And that's ok, as long as I am aware of what is what.
WEEK FOUR: Five Questions on PREJUDICE and STEREOTYPES
WEEK FOUR: Five Questions on PREJUDICE and STEREOTYPES
AUTHOR IN CHARGE OF THIS WEEK: Bianca Regina
Hi everyone, here are my five questions for next week:
1. What are some of the things people who don't know you very well tend to think about you?
2. Which of these assumptions are true?
3. Which stereotypes about your country are true about you, if any?
4. What are situations in which you find yourself to be prejudiced?
5. To you, what value is there in stereotypes?
AUTHOR IN CHARGE OF THIS WEEK: Bianca Regina
Hi everyone, here are my five questions for next week:
1. What are some of the things people who don't know you very well tend to think about you?
2. Which of these assumptions are true?
3. Which stereotypes about your country are true about you, if any?
4. What are situations in which you find yourself to be prejudiced?
5. To you, what value is there in stereotypes?
Saturday, October 25, 2008
RICK VON FELDT: Funerals
1. Which is the best funeral you ever visited?
I have yet to attend a funeral that I ever thought was good. I don’t like death. I don’t like any part of it. We can pretend it is a celebration. A party. A going away event. But to me – funerals are not about the dead. They are gone. Funerals are for the living. For me, if I love someone, I am going to be sad.
But I have not been to a funeral since 1999. And it was not a natural death.
I love life so much. I would be one of those people that if asked to make three wishes – first on my list would be to live forever. Second would be to be in good mental and physical health during that never ending life. Therefore, a funeral to me means an end – no more – everything that is wonderful is taken away.
Not believing in a fabulous afterlife also stops me from believing it is a celebration of the passing from one world to the other.
2. Which is the worst funeral you ever visited?
All funerals are sad to me. In 1989, one of my best friends died early in an accidental death. He was robbed of the rest of his glorious days. And we were robbed of him. We did our best to celebrate the good things that happened in his life. But I hated it. I felt so sad. It was one of the times that in public, I was doing the “gasping sobbing” – where you my face ached and I could not catch my breath because of the pain. I tried to tell stories about him. But it only reminded me of what I was not going to have going forward.
And worse was watching his wife. It hurt so much.
And no matter how much I tried to convince myself that it was a part of some plan or it was “mean to be” or he was going to be in a “better place” – it didn’t matter. He was gone. I was sad. And Angry.
Fortunately, I have not had a family member die in over twenty years. That will also be heard when it happens one day.
3. Did you make any plans for your own funeral?
No. I am trying to avoid the idea. Perhaps part of it is that belief that if I think about my own death, I might be speeding up the process.
I am not a big public celebration guy. The idea of having all of my friends come together to “celebrate” my life seems crazy. What’s the point? I am dead. But I am reminded again that funerals are not for the dead – they are for the living. I hope to outlive most of my friends and family – and so hopefully – not many will be around to remember who I was or all of my crazy adventures in life.
If I did start to think about my funeral – perhaps I will have to rethink how we actually do this. Perhaps I will create an ONLINE module for everyone to go through when I die. It might be an adventure game to walk through – both to recap my life, but in true Rick style, to also ask questions – and get people to think.
I WOULD RATHER HAVE A ANNUAL FUNERAL. I am always concerned when people die – people go to funerals to “say goodbye” – and then in many ways – almost forget them. I like to look at it differently. I try not to forget them. On their birthdays, I take personal moments to sit down and spend an hour or so thinking about the dead person. I think about their life – my moments with them, what I learned from them and how to keep their memory alive. I would hope that people would do this for me one day.
4. What are your thoughts on burial in the soil versus cremation? Which is better? Which is better for you? (And did you hear about the Swedish method, not yet sanctioned, where the body and the casket is frozen very very cold, and then vibrated into a powder...? Apparently very friendly for the environment.)
I have not decided on my own final outcome yet. Frankly, I am hoping that cryonics will continue to develop as a potential. If so, I will consider this potential.
The central premise of cryonics is that memory, personality, and identity are stored in cellular structures and chemistry, principally in the brain. While this view is widely accepted in medicine, and brain activity is known to stop and later resume under certain conditions, it is not generally accepted that current methods preserve the brain well enough to permit revival in the future. Cryonics advocates point to studies showing that high concentrations of cryoprotectant circulated through the brain before cooling can prevent structural damage from ice, preserving the fine cell structures of the brain in which memory and identity presumably reside.
If I could find a way to come back to life – and have a chance to live another 100 years – I would. And perhaps I will!
But if not - then cremation seems a more economical and practical way of begin buried. (But I will still preserve some DNA - just in case one day - the world wants another me!)
5. And finally: Isn't it just odd that the word funeral starts with fun...? What are your thoughts on the very word? And what is the word for funeral in your language, if your first language isn't English?
I really didn’t have many thoughts about this. If what Jennifer says is true – then I like the “circle of life” theory. I still cry at the opening and closing of The Lion King which celebrates this idea.
I have yet to attend a funeral that I ever thought was good. I don’t like death. I don’t like any part of it. We can pretend it is a celebration. A party. A going away event. But to me – funerals are not about the dead. They are gone. Funerals are for the living. For me, if I love someone, I am going to be sad.
But I have not been to a funeral since 1999. And it was not a natural death.
I love life so much. I would be one of those people that if asked to make three wishes – first on my list would be to live forever. Second would be to be in good mental and physical health during that never ending life. Therefore, a funeral to me means an end – no more – everything that is wonderful is taken away.
Not believing in a fabulous afterlife also stops me from believing it is a celebration of the passing from one world to the other.
2. Which is the worst funeral you ever visited?
All funerals are sad to me. In 1989, one of my best friends died early in an accidental death. He was robbed of the rest of his glorious days. And we were robbed of him. We did our best to celebrate the good things that happened in his life. But I hated it. I felt so sad. It was one of the times that in public, I was doing the “gasping sobbing” – where you my face ached and I could not catch my breath because of the pain. I tried to tell stories about him. But it only reminded me of what I was not going to have going forward.
And worse was watching his wife. It hurt so much.
And no matter how much I tried to convince myself that it was a part of some plan or it was “mean to be” or he was going to be in a “better place” – it didn’t matter. He was gone. I was sad. And Angry.
Fortunately, I have not had a family member die in over twenty years. That will also be heard when it happens one day.
3. Did you make any plans for your own funeral?
No. I am trying to avoid the idea. Perhaps part of it is that belief that if I think about my own death, I might be speeding up the process.
I am not a big public celebration guy. The idea of having all of my friends come together to “celebrate” my life seems crazy. What’s the point? I am dead. But I am reminded again that funerals are not for the dead – they are for the living. I hope to outlive most of my friends and family – and so hopefully – not many will be around to remember who I was or all of my crazy adventures in life.
If I did start to think about my funeral – perhaps I will have to rethink how we actually do this. Perhaps I will create an ONLINE module for everyone to go through when I die. It might be an adventure game to walk through – both to recap my life, but in true Rick style, to also ask questions – and get people to think.
I WOULD RATHER HAVE A ANNUAL FUNERAL. I am always concerned when people die – people go to funerals to “say goodbye” – and then in many ways – almost forget them. I like to look at it differently. I try not to forget them. On their birthdays, I take personal moments to sit down and spend an hour or so thinking about the dead person. I think about their life – my moments with them, what I learned from them and how to keep their memory alive. I would hope that people would do this for me one day.
4. What are your thoughts on burial in the soil versus cremation? Which is better? Which is better for you? (And did you hear about the Swedish method, not yet sanctioned, where the body and the casket is frozen very very cold, and then vibrated into a powder...? Apparently very friendly for the environment.)
I have not decided on my own final outcome yet. Frankly, I am hoping that cryonics will continue to develop as a potential. If so, I will consider this potential.
The central premise of cryonics is that memory, personality, and identity are stored in cellular structures and chemistry, principally in the brain. While this view is widely accepted in medicine, and brain activity is known to stop and later resume under certain conditions, it is not generally accepted that current methods preserve the brain well enough to permit revival in the future. Cryonics advocates point to studies showing that high concentrations of cryoprotectant circulated through the brain before cooling can prevent structural damage from ice, preserving the fine cell structures of the brain in which memory and identity presumably reside.
If I could find a way to come back to life – and have a chance to live another 100 years – I would. And perhaps I will!
But if not - then cremation seems a more economical and practical way of begin buried. (But I will still preserve some DNA - just in case one day - the world wants another me!)
5. And finally: Isn't it just odd that the word funeral starts with fun...? What are your thoughts on the very word? And what is the word for funeral in your language, if your first language isn't English?
I really didn’t have many thoughts about this. If what Jennifer says is true – then I like the “circle of life” theory. I still cry at the opening and closing of The Lion King which celebrates this idea.
Friday, October 24, 2008
SHERRY ZHANG: Funerals
1. Which is the best funeral you ever visited?
2. Which is the worst funeral you ever visited?
In our world, there are indeed formal funerals which the format might be different as westerns or joyous as Balinese… I indeed never visited such formal funerals (I view this as a good thing so far in my life), what I could remember is only the two funerals that I attended for my grandfather and grandmother – they were even not called as funerals. At the age of 7 and 12, I was brought to the hospital, and saw how my father (as a doctor and also as the son-in-law) to make them looked decent… I saw my father got his eyes red and tearing, but I was in a very strange mood – I did not cry, I was not very frightened, but after such “ceremony”, when I walked on the way to school in the chilly winter alone (I remember both happened in winter), I felt a bit “shame” – I am still not able to explain such mood, I guess in a youth’s mind, having someone dead in family is a bad thing that I also felt a bit angry.
So, neither really gave me the feeling of best or worst. The overall feeling is bad. Especially when I saw my grandfather lying there with wax yellow face, looked cold body, I felt regret on what I did during his last days of staying with my parents and kids – he was not a very pleasant old man in his last days – complained everything with bad temper, so we kids sometimes were not happy with him or just naughty to him.
Another funeral I missed but I think would be the worst in my life is my uncle’s funeral in LA. My 2nd younger sister, Liping was in charge of that when she was at University of LA. It was such a sad thing happened so far in our family. By only reading the letter from my sister, my heart was broken. My father kept quite and in deep sadness for almost the whole month… My uncle was raised by my father and died at 42 years old in the US due to liver cancer. He was deemed as the most achieving person in the whole family’s history.
3. Did you make any plans for your own funeral?
I never thought about this till I saw the question. Even now, I have no idea… The least thing I would like to think in my life so far is the day for my parents…no, I have been always avoiding to think about it. I know human has nature reaction when the time is there but that’s the only thing that frightens me to think over. As for me, if I think now, the “traditional Balinese” that was described by Peter sounds not bad. I wish when the day is coming, I feel restful and happiness in my mind and people who are around me are not so sad…
4. What are your thoughts on burial in the soil versus cremation? Which is better? Which is better for you? (And did you hear about the Swedish method, not yet sanctioned, where the body and the casket is frozen very very cold, and then vibrated into a powder...? Apparently very friendly for the environment.)
I refer cremation and bury the dust somewhere to be absorbed by the soil. As for the Swedish method, to get it very very cold may also consume a lot of energy which could be anti-environment…?:)
5. And finally: Isn't it just odd that the word funeral starts with fun...? What are your thoughts on the very word? And what is the word for funeral in your language, if your first language isn't English?
You raised an interesting point that the word of “funeral” starts with “fun…”, that’s what I expect happened in my funeral, as I said, not so much sad but more of restful and happiness for a life with fruitful joy and meaning. In Chinese, the translation of “funeral” means “a forum of mourning” – so it doesn’t mean “fun” and the Chinese funeral music is really sad which would bring your tears out naturally…. I guess that’s why inner side, I would prefer never to attend such funerals in my life.
2. Which is the worst funeral you ever visited?
In our world, there are indeed formal funerals which the format might be different as westerns or joyous as Balinese… I indeed never visited such formal funerals (I view this as a good thing so far in my life), what I could remember is only the two funerals that I attended for my grandfather and grandmother – they were even not called as funerals. At the age of 7 and 12, I was brought to the hospital, and saw how my father (as a doctor and also as the son-in-law) to make them looked decent… I saw my father got his eyes red and tearing, but I was in a very strange mood – I did not cry, I was not very frightened, but after such “ceremony”, when I walked on the way to school in the chilly winter alone (I remember both happened in winter), I felt a bit “shame” – I am still not able to explain such mood, I guess in a youth’s mind, having someone dead in family is a bad thing that I also felt a bit angry.
So, neither really gave me the feeling of best or worst. The overall feeling is bad. Especially when I saw my grandfather lying there with wax yellow face, looked cold body, I felt regret on what I did during his last days of staying with my parents and kids – he was not a very pleasant old man in his last days – complained everything with bad temper, so we kids sometimes were not happy with him or just naughty to him.
Another funeral I missed but I think would be the worst in my life is my uncle’s funeral in LA. My 2nd younger sister, Liping was in charge of that when she was at University of LA. It was such a sad thing happened so far in our family. By only reading the letter from my sister, my heart was broken. My father kept quite and in deep sadness for almost the whole month… My uncle was raised by my father and died at 42 years old in the US due to liver cancer. He was deemed as the most achieving person in the whole family’s history.
3. Did you make any plans for your own funeral?
I never thought about this till I saw the question. Even now, I have no idea… The least thing I would like to think in my life so far is the day for my parents…no, I have been always avoiding to think about it. I know human has nature reaction when the time is there but that’s the only thing that frightens me to think over. As for me, if I think now, the “traditional Balinese” that was described by Peter sounds not bad. I wish when the day is coming, I feel restful and happiness in my mind and people who are around me are not so sad…
4. What are your thoughts on burial in the soil versus cremation? Which is better? Which is better for you? (And did you hear about the Swedish method, not yet sanctioned, where the body and the casket is frozen very very cold, and then vibrated into a powder...? Apparently very friendly for the environment.)
I refer cremation and bury the dust somewhere to be absorbed by the soil. As for the Swedish method, to get it very very cold may also consume a lot of energy which could be anti-environment…?:)
5. And finally: Isn't it just odd that the word funeral starts with fun...? What are your thoughts on the very word? And what is the word for funeral in your language, if your first language isn't English?
You raised an interesting point that the word of “funeral” starts with “fun…”, that’s what I expect happened in my funeral, as I said, not so much sad but more of restful and happiness for a life with fruitful joy and meaning. In Chinese, the translation of “funeral” means “a forum of mourning” – so it doesn’t mean “fun” and the Chinese funeral music is really sad which would bring your tears out naturally…. I guess that’s why inner side, I would prefer never to attend such funerals in my life.
SHERRY ZHANG: Responsibility
1. What is your principle on RESPONSIBILITY? And how does that play out in your life? (Principle defined as: set of beliefs that guide your actions).
My principle on “RESPONSIBILITY” includes the following believes:
• Everyone is responsible for what he/she is doing and should take the sequence of such actions;
• Everyone is also be responsible for others at a certain level given their roles in professional and personal life
Most of the time, I feel pretty ease when I went to bed every night, knowing that I’ve fulfilled my responsibility on personal and professional life that day. I found this belief and feeling makes me strong to ignore negative comments or misunderstanding from people around me. Just on an one on one meeting I had with one of my subordinates yesterday, she hesitantly told me who said what about me… And I found that I was not bothered by such words now, as I know what and why I did so, and I know that I’m responsible for me and for others on doing so.
In my personal life, “responsible to myself” means to follow my heart but it often splits me when I feel the pressure of following my mind to be responsible for others as well. This made my life a bit challenging but also charming.
It’s the 2nd belief on responsibility often creates guilty in my life, and made me to be on the track to take sequence of what is happening in my life. So, the 2nd belief seems more overwhelming than the 1st one and it made me more as an altruist in others’ eyes that are around me.
2. Where does the principle of responsibility come from? Does it come from religious beliefs? As an offshoot from philosophical principles like “the golden rule? Does it rise out of fear? Is it a requirement of being human?
To me, the principle comes out mainly from the people who plays important role in my life when I grow up. My parents are definitely “altruists” – my father brought up two of his younger sisters and one younger brother at his 15 when both of his parents passed away. And he has been taking such responsibility for the whole of his life, sometimes, too much, which hurts himself. Recently, my aunt, the youngest sister of my father, at her early 50s, complained that it took her years to get money from my parents to support her family to buy an apartment. I view that my father took too much responsibility of being parent to his siblings. My mother actually took similar approach as my father on dealing with her siblings. They both were also selfless in their professional work before retirement. I guess this comes out from Chairman Mao’s education. No doubt, I was deeply impacted by them. Of course, their din exhortations into my ears about my responsibility of being the eldest daughter and the sister of 3 younger sisters also made me take it nature responsibility to take care of others.
I did not find school education played important role to me in this part. But there are also few people in my career impacted me a lot on how I see my responsibility to people who are around me. I once had a good conversation with Rick last summer about a closed friend’s marriage. She believes she has the right to pursue the life she expects even the cost is to leave 3 kids to be apart from parents. The insights that Rick shared on one’s responsibility vs. one’s freedom indeed made me to think through the words of “responsibility”.
The family influence somehow made me easy to be angry with others who are irresponsible and not care… I had an experience that when I was at the grade 2 of high school, I was deeply impressed by the teacher’s effort to help each of my classmates to be good at study, therefore we could pass the examination of university. But I saw many students never cared the effort and just ignore the teacher’s effort. So with angry and urge, I wrote a letter “To All Classmate” and attached the letter on the board of the classroom. I can still feel some of those students’ jeer today; I can hear those people saying “what’s hell of her business!”. But that’s me.
3. What is something you learned from being irresponsible?
I have mixed mood of sympathy and angry to those who are unfortunate due to their irresponsible attitude or actions. Lessons learnt for me was that irresponsible would made you miserable and hateful.
I have one case that happened in my family which I don’t know whom to blame… My cousin delivered a baby 5 years ago. The baby came out earlier than maturity for 2 months. The doctor asked for family’s decision of getting the baby out through Caesarean operation or natural birth. The young couple could not make the decision, so they asked my father to make the decision. My father suggested them to give the baby nature birth. After a few hours waiting, the doctor finally took the baby out via Caesarean operation. The baby was proved as a brain-paralysis patient when he was one year old. He could not walk and act like a normal person till now. The doctor could not explain the root cause of such disease as the baby was borne 2 months early. But my parents have been taking the cross for their life. I feel so bad when I heard the whole story, and I feel so bad when I saw the kid… Should this be a lesson learnt that my father took over the responsibility of the parents and the doctor?
4. What is an example in the world today in which you, or someone greater than you needs to take more responsibility?
I definitely think the government needs to take more responsibility to instill the sense of responsibility to the whole nations in China. If there is one thing to make the country collapsed someday, I view it as the creditability of this nation. The creditability of the country is based on the responsibility that each of individual person and organization is taking. The noxious baby formula that happened recently made me really angry and worry. In a country where there is no major religious belief, many people are surviving to have better life without considering more about the sequence of quick success and instant benefit, the government take unshirkable responsibility to educate people, set regulations and compliance to monitor the progress therefore to instill the believes of each one’s responsibility.
5. Is everyone in the world “responsible” for everyone else in the world? Is a country responsible for something greater than their country?
Yes to both questions in my mind. As for individual’s responsibility to others, I view that from the role an individual is playing – as a mother, a son, or a manager, a project leader…, everyone is responsible for others at a certain level via different ways. For the responsibility of a country to another one, I totally agree to many others comments from world peace. I may add a bit more in terms of environment – when one country is consuming more resources of the world, it creates trouble to all countries in the world. From this point of view, one country is definitely responsible for other countries, and for the whole world. In a great harmony world, a world policeman may not be well-accepted by others, but the great harmony is based on each country is responsible for their own and for the benefits of the whole world.
My principle on “RESPONSIBILITY” includes the following believes:
• Everyone is responsible for what he/she is doing and should take the sequence of such actions;
• Everyone is also be responsible for others at a certain level given their roles in professional and personal life
Most of the time, I feel pretty ease when I went to bed every night, knowing that I’ve fulfilled my responsibility on personal and professional life that day. I found this belief and feeling makes me strong to ignore negative comments or misunderstanding from people around me. Just on an one on one meeting I had with one of my subordinates yesterday, she hesitantly told me who said what about me… And I found that I was not bothered by such words now, as I know what and why I did so, and I know that I’m responsible for me and for others on doing so.
In my personal life, “responsible to myself” means to follow my heart but it often splits me when I feel the pressure of following my mind to be responsible for others as well. This made my life a bit challenging but also charming.
It’s the 2nd belief on responsibility often creates guilty in my life, and made me to be on the track to take sequence of what is happening in my life. So, the 2nd belief seems more overwhelming than the 1st one and it made me more as an altruist in others’ eyes that are around me.
2. Where does the principle of responsibility come from? Does it come from religious beliefs? As an offshoot from philosophical principles like “the golden rule? Does it rise out of fear? Is it a requirement of being human?
To me, the principle comes out mainly from the people who plays important role in my life when I grow up. My parents are definitely “altruists” – my father brought up two of his younger sisters and one younger brother at his 15 when both of his parents passed away. And he has been taking such responsibility for the whole of his life, sometimes, too much, which hurts himself. Recently, my aunt, the youngest sister of my father, at her early 50s, complained that it took her years to get money from my parents to support her family to buy an apartment. I view that my father took too much responsibility of being parent to his siblings. My mother actually took similar approach as my father on dealing with her siblings. They both were also selfless in their professional work before retirement. I guess this comes out from Chairman Mao’s education. No doubt, I was deeply impacted by them. Of course, their din exhortations into my ears about my responsibility of being the eldest daughter and the sister of 3 younger sisters also made me take it nature responsibility to take care of others.
I did not find school education played important role to me in this part. But there are also few people in my career impacted me a lot on how I see my responsibility to people who are around me. I once had a good conversation with Rick last summer about a closed friend’s marriage. She believes she has the right to pursue the life she expects even the cost is to leave 3 kids to be apart from parents. The insights that Rick shared on one’s responsibility vs. one’s freedom indeed made me to think through the words of “responsibility”.
The family influence somehow made me easy to be angry with others who are irresponsible and not care… I had an experience that when I was at the grade 2 of high school, I was deeply impressed by the teacher’s effort to help each of my classmates to be good at study, therefore we could pass the examination of university. But I saw many students never cared the effort and just ignore the teacher’s effort. So with angry and urge, I wrote a letter “To All Classmate” and attached the letter on the board of the classroom. I can still feel some of those students’ jeer today; I can hear those people saying “what’s hell of her business!”. But that’s me.
3. What is something you learned from being irresponsible?
I have mixed mood of sympathy and angry to those who are unfortunate due to their irresponsible attitude or actions. Lessons learnt for me was that irresponsible would made you miserable and hateful.
I have one case that happened in my family which I don’t know whom to blame… My cousin delivered a baby 5 years ago. The baby came out earlier than maturity for 2 months. The doctor asked for family’s decision of getting the baby out through Caesarean operation or natural birth. The young couple could not make the decision, so they asked my father to make the decision. My father suggested them to give the baby nature birth. After a few hours waiting, the doctor finally took the baby out via Caesarean operation. The baby was proved as a brain-paralysis patient when he was one year old. He could not walk and act like a normal person till now. The doctor could not explain the root cause of such disease as the baby was borne 2 months early. But my parents have been taking the cross for their life. I feel so bad when I heard the whole story, and I feel so bad when I saw the kid… Should this be a lesson learnt that my father took over the responsibility of the parents and the doctor?
4. What is an example in the world today in which you, or someone greater than you needs to take more responsibility?
I definitely think the government needs to take more responsibility to instill the sense of responsibility to the whole nations in China. If there is one thing to make the country collapsed someday, I view it as the creditability of this nation. The creditability of the country is based on the responsibility that each of individual person and organization is taking. The noxious baby formula that happened recently made me really angry and worry. In a country where there is no major religious belief, many people are surviving to have better life without considering more about the sequence of quick success and instant benefit, the government take unshirkable responsibility to educate people, set regulations and compliance to monitor the progress therefore to instill the believes of each one’s responsibility.
5. Is everyone in the world “responsible” for everyone else in the world? Is a country responsible for something greater than their country?
Yes to both questions in my mind. As for individual’s responsibility to others, I view that from the role an individual is playing – as a mother, a son, or a manager, a project leader…, everyone is responsible for others at a certain level via different ways. For the responsibility of a country to another one, I totally agree to many others comments from world peace. I may add a bit more in terms of environment – when one country is consuming more resources of the world, it creates trouble to all countries in the world. From this point of view, one country is definitely responsible for other countries, and for the whole world. In a great harmony world, a world policeman may not be well-accepted by others, but the great harmony is based on each country is responsible for their own and for the benefits of the whole world.
BOB RIEL: Funerals
1. Which is the best funeral you ever visited?
Two funerals, actually. My grandmother's funeral and then my wife's grandfather's. There was nothing extraordinary about either event, as they were both simple affairs. There was sadness, of course, in knowing that the person was gone, but in both cases there was joy in recognizing that we were there to celebrate a life well-lived and long-lived.
2. Which is the worst funeral you ever visited?
My niece's. She was not yet a year old and, although she was born with a dangerous condition, it appeared that she had survived the worst and was well on her way to normal health when tragedy struck. There was something unbelievably dreadful about seeing her tiny, tiny coffin and watching my sister wail in grief. Such a different experience from saying goodbye to a grandparent who lived into old age and died of natural causes.
3. Did you make any plans for your own funeral?
I have not. It still seems too abstract to think about. Though I am reminded of an episode of the U.S. television show "Frasier" in which the lead character worked on writing his own obituary as a self-actualizing exercise to help him think about how he wanted to live the rest of his life. I suppose planning one's own funeral could have much the same affect, in that it would force us to consider how we want our life to be celebrated.
4. What are your thoughts on burial in the soil versus cremation? Which is better? Which is better for you?
Like most of you, I am also an organ donor. And I always thought that cremation made the most sense, if only to save the land and expense of a burial plot. Although for families that have lived in the same geographical area for generations, there is something to be said for having a spot where people can go to memorialize and remember their close relatives.
5. And finally: Isn't it just odd that the word funeral starts with fun...? What are your thoughts on the very word? And what is the word for funeral in your language, if your first language isn't English?
I guess my only comment would be that I, also, want my funeral to be fun in the sense that people can celebrate our relationship and my life.
And Jen, thank you for researching the etymology of the word. It's appropriate that it means to come full circle. That's really the perfect meaning. I also love your comment about babies who are born into families near when another family member dies. That actually happened to us, as our son was born just two weeks after Lisa's grandfather passed away. We were sad that her grandfather never got to meet Brady, but it was actually a topic of conversation at the funeral - the fact that we would soon be welcoming a life into the world, showing that life comes full circle and goes on.
Two funerals, actually. My grandmother's funeral and then my wife's grandfather's. There was nothing extraordinary about either event, as they were both simple affairs. There was sadness, of course, in knowing that the person was gone, but in both cases there was joy in recognizing that we were there to celebrate a life well-lived and long-lived.
2. Which is the worst funeral you ever visited?
My niece's. She was not yet a year old and, although she was born with a dangerous condition, it appeared that she had survived the worst and was well on her way to normal health when tragedy struck. There was something unbelievably dreadful about seeing her tiny, tiny coffin and watching my sister wail in grief. Such a different experience from saying goodbye to a grandparent who lived into old age and died of natural causes.
3. Did you make any plans for your own funeral?
I have not. It still seems too abstract to think about. Though I am reminded of an episode of the U.S. television show "Frasier" in which the lead character worked on writing his own obituary as a self-actualizing exercise to help him think about how he wanted to live the rest of his life. I suppose planning one's own funeral could have much the same affect, in that it would force us to consider how we want our life to be celebrated.
4. What are your thoughts on burial in the soil versus cremation? Which is better? Which is better for you?
Like most of you, I am also an organ donor. And I always thought that cremation made the most sense, if only to save the land and expense of a burial plot. Although for families that have lived in the same geographical area for generations, there is something to be said for having a spot where people can go to memorialize and remember their close relatives.
5. And finally: Isn't it just odd that the word funeral starts with fun...? What are your thoughts on the very word? And what is the word for funeral in your language, if your first language isn't English?
I guess my only comment would be that I, also, want my funeral to be fun in the sense that people can celebrate our relationship and my life.
And Jen, thank you for researching the etymology of the word. It's appropriate that it means to come full circle. That's really the perfect meaning. I also love your comment about babies who are born into families near when another family member dies. That actually happened to us, as our son was born just two weeks after Lisa's grandfather passed away. We were sad that her grandfather never got to meet Brady, but it was actually a topic of conversation at the funeral - the fact that we would soon be welcoming a life into the world, showing that life comes full circle and goes on.
EDUARDO INFANTE: Funerals
1. Which is the best funeral you ever visited?
That’s got to be Jaime’s, my best friend from High School, who died at the age of 24 while riding his bicycle in a rather shocking accident. Not only was Jaime my best friend, but I was very close to his family, too. So, in his funeral, and even in the days prior to his decease, my role was being a pillar for them. For some reason, even though there was sadness, there were also over 200 people showing up at the funeral, all demonstrating how much Jaime had touched them in life.
2. Which is the worst funeral you ever visited?
A high school classmate’s, who died at the age of 15. I didn’t really know the guy. But the whole funeral was impacting since it made me realize that life was not to be taken for granted.
3. Did you make any plans for your own funeral?
No, I have not. But I certainly would like joy to reign over sorrow.
4. What are your thoughts on burial in the soil versus cremation? Which is better? Which is better for you?
Like some of you, I’m also an organ donor. And I’m more for cremation than for burial. I don’t know, I guess it’s a little bit less painful for family and friends.
5. And finally: Isn't it just odd that the word funeral starts with fun...? What are your thoughts on the very word? And what is the word for funeral in your language, if your first language isn't English?
I had never actually stopped to focus on the first few letters of this word. In Spanish, it’s cepelio, and it does not have any special connotation other than a rather painful one.
That’s got to be Jaime’s, my best friend from High School, who died at the age of 24 while riding his bicycle in a rather shocking accident. Not only was Jaime my best friend, but I was very close to his family, too. So, in his funeral, and even in the days prior to his decease, my role was being a pillar for them. For some reason, even though there was sadness, there were also over 200 people showing up at the funeral, all demonstrating how much Jaime had touched them in life.
2. Which is the worst funeral you ever visited?
A high school classmate’s, who died at the age of 15. I didn’t really know the guy. But the whole funeral was impacting since it made me realize that life was not to be taken for granted.
3. Did you make any plans for your own funeral?
No, I have not. But I certainly would like joy to reign over sorrow.
4. What are your thoughts on burial in the soil versus cremation? Which is better? Which is better for you?
Like some of you, I’m also an organ donor. And I’m more for cremation than for burial. I don’t know, I guess it’s a little bit less painful for family and friends.
5. And finally: Isn't it just odd that the word funeral starts with fun...? What are your thoughts on the very word? And what is the word for funeral in your language, if your first language isn't English?
I had never actually stopped to focus on the first few letters of this word. In Spanish, it’s cepelio, and it does not have any special connotation other than a rather painful one.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
JENNIFER RABOLD: Funerals
1. Which is the best funeral you ever visited?
I don’t think I’ve ever been to the kind of funeral I’d like for myself, with the exception of the one we just held for our beloved golden retriever, Belle, who died in May of last year at the ripe old age of 15. We scattered her ashes in her favorite places: Cape Cod Bay, our garden, and under the boys’ fort in our back yard, where she loved to stay cool on hot summer days. Then we planted a dogwood tree in our fairy garden, and the boys decorated the site with some favorite rocks. We read some wonderful dog poems and had a good cry. And every year, when the dogwood tree blooms, we smile to think of the spirit of our fairy dog.
2. Which is the worst funeral you ever visited?
Probably my first, the funeral of a classmate of mine in high school, a girl so full of life who died of leukemia. I didn’t know what to think about it, didn’t have anyone to process with, and just cried a lot without understanding why. The last one I attended was for a young wife and mother of two little girls, a beautiful woman who died of breast cancer. It was tragic. I identified too much with her.
3. Did you make any plans for your own funeral?
Not formally, although I’ve got a little mental list of music I’d like played or sung when my ashes are scattered, like Van Morrison’s “Into the Mystic” and “Sing Me To Heaven,” a choral piece by Daniel Gawthrop, and Mozart’s “Ave Verum Corpus,” which is just one of the most beautiful songs ever written. And I want a big party, perhaps at the beach, then at my home, with eating and drinking and dancing. I want my photo albums out so people can take any photos they want for keepsakes, and I want laughing and crying and story telling. I want lots of living at my funeral.
4. What are your thoughts on burial in the soil versus cremation? Which is better? Which is better for you?
I too am registered as an organ donor, which you can do in Massachusetts when you get a driver’s license (speaks to the danger of driving, I suppose). I would like to be cremated and scattered in my garden, so that I can get right to work making the flowers grow, which is what I’d be doing if I were alive. It’s all about the circle of life, as far as I’m concerned. And there’s no sense just lying around when there’s work to do. :-)
My favorite thoughts about death come from Walt Whitman’s Leaves of Grass, where he asks what the grass is and comes up with some wonderful ideas, like “the beautiful uncut hair of graves.” He wonders about those who have lived and died before him, and concludes,
They are alive and well somewhere,
The smallest sprout shows there is really no death,
And if ever there was it led forward life, and does not wait at the end to arrest it,
And ceas'd the moment life appear'd.
All goes onward and outward, nothing collapses,
And to die is different from what any one supposed, and luckier.
…
I bequeath myself to the dirt to grow from the grass I love,
If you want me again look for me under your boot-soles.
5. And finally: Isn't it just odd that the word funeral starts with fun...? What are your thoughts on the very word? And what is the word for funeral in your language, if your first language isn't English?
I did a little searching on the etymology of the word, which always fascinates me. It seems that “funeral” comes from the Indo-European root dheu, which means “to close, finish, come full circle,” which I think is definitely appropriate. My grandmother died on her birthday, after being sick for some time. I think she did it on purpose. I always find it beautiful when babies are born into families around the time of a family member’s death. My second son, Jacob David, gets his middle name from my husband’s cousin, who baptized my first son, Jackson, but died shortly before Jacob was born. There is really no death…
I don’t think I’ve ever been to the kind of funeral I’d like for myself, with the exception of the one we just held for our beloved golden retriever, Belle, who died in May of last year at the ripe old age of 15. We scattered her ashes in her favorite places: Cape Cod Bay, our garden, and under the boys’ fort in our back yard, where she loved to stay cool on hot summer days. Then we planted a dogwood tree in our fairy garden, and the boys decorated the site with some favorite rocks. We read some wonderful dog poems and had a good cry. And every year, when the dogwood tree blooms, we smile to think of the spirit of our fairy dog.
2. Which is the worst funeral you ever visited?
Probably my first, the funeral of a classmate of mine in high school, a girl so full of life who died of leukemia. I didn’t know what to think about it, didn’t have anyone to process with, and just cried a lot without understanding why. The last one I attended was for a young wife and mother of two little girls, a beautiful woman who died of breast cancer. It was tragic. I identified too much with her.
3. Did you make any plans for your own funeral?
Not formally, although I’ve got a little mental list of music I’d like played or sung when my ashes are scattered, like Van Morrison’s “Into the Mystic” and “Sing Me To Heaven,” a choral piece by Daniel Gawthrop, and Mozart’s “Ave Verum Corpus,” which is just one of the most beautiful songs ever written. And I want a big party, perhaps at the beach, then at my home, with eating and drinking and dancing. I want my photo albums out so people can take any photos they want for keepsakes, and I want laughing and crying and story telling. I want lots of living at my funeral.
4. What are your thoughts on burial in the soil versus cremation? Which is better? Which is better for you?
I too am registered as an organ donor, which you can do in Massachusetts when you get a driver’s license (speaks to the danger of driving, I suppose). I would like to be cremated and scattered in my garden, so that I can get right to work making the flowers grow, which is what I’d be doing if I were alive. It’s all about the circle of life, as far as I’m concerned. And there’s no sense just lying around when there’s work to do. :-)
My favorite thoughts about death come from Walt Whitman’s Leaves of Grass, where he asks what the grass is and comes up with some wonderful ideas, like “the beautiful uncut hair of graves.” He wonders about those who have lived and died before him, and concludes,
They are alive and well somewhere,
The smallest sprout shows there is really no death,
And if ever there was it led forward life, and does not wait at the end to arrest it,
And ceas'd the moment life appear'd.
All goes onward and outward, nothing collapses,
And to die is different from what any one supposed, and luckier.
…
I bequeath myself to the dirt to grow from the grass I love,
If you want me again look for me under your boot-soles.
5. And finally: Isn't it just odd that the word funeral starts with fun...? What are your thoughts on the very word? And what is the word for funeral in your language, if your first language isn't English?
I did a little searching on the etymology of the word, which always fascinates me. It seems that “funeral” comes from the Indo-European root dheu, which means “to close, finish, come full circle,” which I think is definitely appropriate. My grandmother died on her birthday, after being sick for some time. I think she did it on purpose. I always find it beautiful when babies are born into families around the time of a family member’s death. My second son, Jacob David, gets his middle name from my husband’s cousin, who baptized my first son, Jackson, but died shortly before Jacob was born. There is really no death…
PETER WARING - Funerals
1. Which is the best funeral you ever visited?
Two weeks ago I was a bystander to a traditional Balinese funeral which is by far the best and most joyous celebration of life at a funeral I’ve witnessed. Much of Bali is Hindu and they believe that the spirit is released through ritual cremation. The body is placed into a cremation tower which is then paraded down the middle of the village on the shoulders of men. The women dress colourfully and carry white umbrellas – there are drums and singing, music and movement. See
http://www.baliblog.com/travel-tips/balinese-funeral-procession-in-kerobokan-bali.html
for photos and more information on Balinese funerals.
2. Which is the worst funeral you ever visited?
Easily my wife’s cousin’s funeral who died tragically in his early twenties. Lives cut short, children dying before parents – these are the worst and most difficult to process.
3. Did you make any plans for your own funeral?
What a happy thought! No but I certainly should given earlier remarks on the importance of responsibility. I need to get my Will in shape though like Bianca, I have given some thought to music – perhaps some Jeff Buckley and Queens ‘Who wants to live forever?’...
Who dares to love forever?
When love must die
But touch my tears with your lips
Touch my world with your fingertips
And we can have forever
And we can love forever
Forever is our today
Who wants to live forever
Who wants to live forever? Forever is our today
4. What are your thoughts on burial in the soil versus cremation? Which is better? Which is better for you?
Cremation is for me I think after all that is useful to others has been removed. Like Bianca I am a declared donor and what remains might be scattered off the coast where I was born or across some mountains in Tasmania where I have walked.
5. And finally: Isn't it just odd that the word funeral starts with fun...? What are your thoughts on the very word? And what is the word for funeral in your language, if your first language isn't English?
Yes but the etymology of the word doesn’t suggest that ‘fun’ is the origin. Nonetheless, I agree with Brett that a joyous celebration of life with a few jokes is probably the way I’d like to be seen out. Ideally, I would have Larry David (from Curb Your Enthusiasm and Seinfeld fame) give the eulogy.
Two weeks ago I was a bystander to a traditional Balinese funeral which is by far the best and most joyous celebration of life at a funeral I’ve witnessed. Much of Bali is Hindu and they believe that the spirit is released through ritual cremation. The body is placed into a cremation tower which is then paraded down the middle of the village on the shoulders of men. The women dress colourfully and carry white umbrellas – there are drums and singing, music and movement. See
http://www.baliblog.com/travel-tips/balinese-funeral-procession-in-kerobokan-bali.html
for photos and more information on Balinese funerals.
2. Which is the worst funeral you ever visited?
Easily my wife’s cousin’s funeral who died tragically in his early twenties. Lives cut short, children dying before parents – these are the worst and most difficult to process.
3. Did you make any plans for your own funeral?
What a happy thought! No but I certainly should given earlier remarks on the importance of responsibility. I need to get my Will in shape though like Bianca, I have given some thought to music – perhaps some Jeff Buckley and Queens ‘Who wants to live forever?’...
Who dares to love forever?
When love must die
But touch my tears with your lips
Touch my world with your fingertips
And we can have forever
And we can love forever
Forever is our today
Who wants to live forever
Who wants to live forever? Forever is our today
4. What are your thoughts on burial in the soil versus cremation? Which is better? Which is better for you?
Cremation is for me I think after all that is useful to others has been removed. Like Bianca I am a declared donor and what remains might be scattered off the coast where I was born or across some mountains in Tasmania where I have walked.
5. And finally: Isn't it just odd that the word funeral starts with fun...? What are your thoughts on the very word? And what is the word for funeral in your language, if your first language isn't English?
Yes but the etymology of the word doesn’t suggest that ‘fun’ is the origin. Nonetheless, I agree with Brett that a joyous celebration of life with a few jokes is probably the way I’d like to be seen out. Ideally, I would have Larry David (from Curb Your Enthusiasm and Seinfeld fame) give the eulogy.
BIANCA REGINA: Funerals
1. Which is the best funeral you ever visited?
2. Which is the worst funeral you ever visited?
In my 34 years, I've only ever been to one funeral that I can remember: my grandmother's. It was so-so. I was sad, and it was good to have a ceremony to say goodbye to her, but they had hired an orator who didn't know her, and it all felt much too anonymous, not like her. I remember my grandfather crying and crying, a man who had always been so controlled. He died half a year later, but I didn't go to his funeral.
3. Did you make any plans for your own funeral?
Yes, I do. I recently read a post about preparing an "in case of..." box on unclutterer.com (a wonderful site for tidy, organized people). That's something I will prepare in the near future: a box that contains everything my relations need to know and do in case I die. I haven't thought about the funeral itself all that much. I'd go with Brett in saying that I would want it to be a celebration of my life, with people telling stories about me. I have thought about what music I would like, and a couple of songs from The Beatles' White Album have come to me:
Blackbird
I Will
Martha My Dear
Honey Pie
Rocky Raccoon
While lycrics-wise, not all of them seem appropriate, I love each and every one of them dearly and think that they convey a sober, yet fun mood.
4. What are your thoughts on burial in the soil versus cremation?
Cremation for sure. After having - if possible - donated organs and body tissue (I carry my donor pass with me all the time). In Germany, you can have an "anonymous burial" which means that you are buried in a grassy area at the back of the cemetary, but without a gravestone. I don't want a burial site as I have learned from several people that while they can be good for having a place to say goodbye, they also cost a lot of money. And really, I would want people to remember me in their own way, in memories and gifts and thoughts, not standing on a cemetary. Alternatively, there is now something called "Ruheforst" where you can be buried in a forest. I would like that, too.
5. And finally: Isn't it just odd that the word funeral starts with fun...? What are your thoughts on the very word? And what is the word for funeral in your language, if your first language isn't English?
Yes, that is odd. I like the word, and I also like the expression "funeral home". There is a wonderful comic by Alison Bechdel called "Fun Home" in which she writes and draws about her childhood. Her father owned a funeral home which her and her brother called fun home. In my language, the words for a funeral are much more sober: there is "Begräbnis" which comes from graben, to dig, meaning that you will be dug into the ground, and there is "Beerdigung", which comes from Erde, the soil, meaning pretty much the same thing. Once again, English has the better expression *sigh*.
2. Which is the worst funeral you ever visited?
In my 34 years, I've only ever been to one funeral that I can remember: my grandmother's. It was so-so. I was sad, and it was good to have a ceremony to say goodbye to her, but they had hired an orator who didn't know her, and it all felt much too anonymous, not like her. I remember my grandfather crying and crying, a man who had always been so controlled. He died half a year later, but I didn't go to his funeral.
3. Did you make any plans for your own funeral?
Yes, I do. I recently read a post about preparing an "in case of..." box on unclutterer.com (a wonderful site for tidy, organized people). That's something I will prepare in the near future: a box that contains everything my relations need to know and do in case I die. I haven't thought about the funeral itself all that much. I'd go with Brett in saying that I would want it to be a celebration of my life, with people telling stories about me. I have thought about what music I would like, and a couple of songs from The Beatles' White Album have come to me:
Blackbird
I Will
Martha My Dear
Honey Pie
Rocky Raccoon
While lycrics-wise, not all of them seem appropriate, I love each and every one of them dearly and think that they convey a sober, yet fun mood.
4. What are your thoughts on burial in the soil versus cremation?
Cremation for sure. After having - if possible - donated organs and body tissue (I carry my donor pass with me all the time). In Germany, you can have an "anonymous burial" which means that you are buried in a grassy area at the back of the cemetary, but without a gravestone. I don't want a burial site as I have learned from several people that while they can be good for having a place to say goodbye, they also cost a lot of money. And really, I would want people to remember me in their own way, in memories and gifts and thoughts, not standing on a cemetary. Alternatively, there is now something called "Ruheforst" where you can be buried in a forest. I would like that, too.
5. And finally: Isn't it just odd that the word funeral starts with fun...? What are your thoughts on the very word? And what is the word for funeral in your language, if your first language isn't English?
Yes, that is odd. I like the word, and I also like the expression "funeral home". There is a wonderful comic by Alison Bechdel called "Fun Home" in which she writes and draws about her childhood. Her father owned a funeral home which her and her brother called fun home. In my language, the words for a funeral are much more sober: there is "Begräbnis" which comes from graben, to dig, meaning that you will be dug into the ground, and there is "Beerdigung", which comes from Erde, the soil, meaning pretty much the same thing. Once again, English has the better expression *sigh*.
Monday, October 20, 2008
FUNERALS - Brett Battles
1. Which is the best funeral you ever visited?
At forty-six, you’d think I would have attended several funerals by now. But in actuality I think I’ve only attended two. One when I was probably only twelve or thirteen for a kid who was younger than I, and one five years ago for a friend and mentor who was only seven or so years older than I.
I would have to say the second was the best. It was more of a wake really. Happened at a home of a friend of my dead friend. Probably nearly two hundred people showed up. We stood around telling stories and laughing and remembering. That was good for all of us.
2. Which is the worst funeral you ever visited?
I would have to have been that first one I attended. The boy, Donnie, had died of leukemia at a far too young age. It was the first funeral I had ever attended. It was also open casket. My parents went with me, and said that I didn’t have to walk up and look in the casket if I didn’t want to. I actually don’t remember now if I did or not. But I do remember seeing his face sticking above the edge of the casket…now that I think about it, it was possible the casket was tilted toward the audience a bit.
I was on edge for weeks after that. In fact it still makes me sad when I think about it.
3. Did you make any plans for your own funeral?
Not yet. I’m planning on living forever. That’s possible, right?
4. What are your thoughts on burial in the soil versus cremation? Which is better? Which is better for you? (And did you hear about the Swedish method, not yet sanctioned, where the body and the casket is frozen very very cold, and then vibrated into a powder...? Apparently very friendly for the environment.)
Haven’t heard about that Swedish method. Sounds…jarring. Of course I guess you’re dead so it’s not as big a deal. I honestly don’t know between burial or cremation, which would be better for me. Sometimes I’ve thought it would be nice to have my ashes scattered across an area that I love…say the mountains or something like that.
5. And finally: Isn't it just odd that the word funeral starts with fun...? What are your thoughts on the very word? And what is the word for funeral in your language, if your first language isn't English?
Don’t know if it’s odd or not, but it certainly is ironic. Still, and this is kind of reaching back to a question or two before, I’d want my funeral to be fun. I’d want old friends telling funny stories about me. I’d want upbeat music. I’d want laughter. Okay, so maybe I have thought about my funeral a little bit.
At forty-six, you’d think I would have attended several funerals by now. But in actuality I think I’ve only attended two. One when I was probably only twelve or thirteen for a kid who was younger than I, and one five years ago for a friend and mentor who was only seven or so years older than I.
I would have to say the second was the best. It was more of a wake really. Happened at a home of a friend of my dead friend. Probably nearly two hundred people showed up. We stood around telling stories and laughing and remembering. That was good for all of us.
2. Which is the worst funeral you ever visited?
I would have to have been that first one I attended. The boy, Donnie, had died of leukemia at a far too young age. It was the first funeral I had ever attended. It was also open casket. My parents went with me, and said that I didn’t have to walk up and look in the casket if I didn’t want to. I actually don’t remember now if I did or not. But I do remember seeing his face sticking above the edge of the casket…now that I think about it, it was possible the casket was tilted toward the audience a bit.
I was on edge for weeks after that. In fact it still makes me sad when I think about it.
3. Did you make any plans for your own funeral?
Not yet. I’m planning on living forever. That’s possible, right?
4. What are your thoughts on burial in the soil versus cremation? Which is better? Which is better for you? (And did you hear about the Swedish method, not yet sanctioned, where the body and the casket is frozen very very cold, and then vibrated into a powder...? Apparently very friendly for the environment.)
Haven’t heard about that Swedish method. Sounds…jarring. Of course I guess you’re dead so it’s not as big a deal. I honestly don’t know between burial or cremation, which would be better for me. Sometimes I’ve thought it would be nice to have my ashes scattered across an area that I love…say the mountains or something like that.
5. And finally: Isn't it just odd that the word funeral starts with fun...? What are your thoughts on the very word? And what is the word for funeral in your language, if your first language isn't English?
Don’t know if it’s odd or not, but it certainly is ironic. Still, and this is kind of reaching back to a question or two before, I’d want my funeral to be fun. I’d want old friends telling funny stories about me. I’d want upbeat music. I’d want laughter. Okay, so maybe I have thought about my funeral a little bit.
RESPONSIBILITY - Brett Battles
1. What is your principle on RESPONSIBILITY. And how does that play out in your life? (principle defined as: set of beliefs that guide your actions).
I’m a big believer in personal responsibility, though, conversely, I don’t expect everyone to live up to that. Here’s what I mean. If I promise something to someone one, even if it’s a little thing or one of those apparent empty promises people sometimes tell others, I make it a point to keep my promise even if it means compromising other parts of my life. I don’t do this 100%, of course. But it is important to me to fulfill on something someone else might be counting on. Now when others promise things to me, I will immediately take them at their word, and expect the promise will be kept. Sometimes there are not. When that happens, I usually just say to myself, “that’s fine. It’s no big deal.” And I move on. I do believe, though, if more people took personal responsibility more seriously (and this goes beyond just keeping promises, but also doing the right thing), it would make this world a better place.
2. Where does the principle of responsibility come from? Does it come from religious beliefs? As an offshoot from philosophical principles like “the golden rule? Does it rise out of fear? Is it a requirement of being human?
It is certainly not from religious beliefs for me. Though, I think was very affected by the notion of doing unto others as I would have them do unto me. In fact, I’d say that that is my baseline test. I’m not sure how that worked its way into my brain. As I hinted at, I did not grow up religious at all. My father (now retired) was a scientist, so that was our base. Still, my parents were always fair minded, and I believe they must have imparted some of that fair mindedness to me over the years. Sometimes, though, I think I’ve taken it to an extreme.
3. What is something you learned from being irresponsible
Being irresponsible can hurt others. And there is nothing I hate more than hurting others.
4. What is an example in the world today in which you, or someone greater than you needs to take more responsibility?
Okay…big picture here…I think we ALL need to take a role in reaching out to others who are not like us (ethnically, racially, religiously, etc.) to help each of us to understand the others not in hate, but in respect. We are responsible to live on this planet together in harmony rather than hatred. Wow…that’s kind of new agey…but it’s what I believe.
5. Is everyone in the world “responsible” for everyone else in the world? Is a country responsible for something greater than their country? America is often criticized for being more responsible than others in the world believe they should be. Is that responsibility or something else? On the other hand, The United Nations estimates that the conflict in Darfur has left as many as 500,000 dead from violence and disease. The United States Holocaust Memorial Museum estimates that 100,000 have died each year because of government attacks. Most non-governmental organizations use 200,000 to more than 400,000. How do you decide what you are responsible for?
This isn’t one question…I count 4….A) yes. B) yes. C) Something else I think. If the US was acting responsibly, we would have done something to stop the blood shed in Darfur, among other things. D) As a world we are responsible for them all. Sometimes, most times if possible, we need to share the burden. But we can’t just sit around and let those things happen again and again. People are more important than oil, or other resources.
I’m a big believer in personal responsibility, though, conversely, I don’t expect everyone to live up to that. Here’s what I mean. If I promise something to someone one, even if it’s a little thing or one of those apparent empty promises people sometimes tell others, I make it a point to keep my promise even if it means compromising other parts of my life. I don’t do this 100%, of course. But it is important to me to fulfill on something someone else might be counting on. Now when others promise things to me, I will immediately take them at their word, and expect the promise will be kept. Sometimes there are not. When that happens, I usually just say to myself, “that’s fine. It’s no big deal.” And I move on. I do believe, though, if more people took personal responsibility more seriously (and this goes beyond just keeping promises, but also doing the right thing), it would make this world a better place.
2. Where does the principle of responsibility come from? Does it come from religious beliefs? As an offshoot from philosophical principles like “the golden rule? Does it rise out of fear? Is it a requirement of being human?
It is certainly not from religious beliefs for me. Though, I think was very affected by the notion of doing unto others as I would have them do unto me. In fact, I’d say that that is my baseline test. I’m not sure how that worked its way into my brain. As I hinted at, I did not grow up religious at all. My father (now retired) was a scientist, so that was our base. Still, my parents were always fair minded, and I believe they must have imparted some of that fair mindedness to me over the years. Sometimes, though, I think I’ve taken it to an extreme.
3. What is something you learned from being irresponsible
Being irresponsible can hurt others. And there is nothing I hate more than hurting others.
4. What is an example in the world today in which you, or someone greater than you needs to take more responsibility?
Okay…big picture here…I think we ALL need to take a role in reaching out to others who are not like us (ethnically, racially, religiously, etc.) to help each of us to understand the others not in hate, but in respect. We are responsible to live on this planet together in harmony rather than hatred. Wow…that’s kind of new agey…but it’s what I believe.
5. Is everyone in the world “responsible” for everyone else in the world? Is a country responsible for something greater than their country? America is often criticized for being more responsible than others in the world believe they should be. Is that responsibility or something else? On the other hand, The United Nations estimates that the conflict in Darfur has left as many as 500,000 dead from violence and disease. The United States Holocaust Memorial Museum estimates that 100,000 have died each year because of government attacks. Most non-governmental organizations use 200,000 to more than 400,000. How do you decide what you are responsible for?
This isn’t one question…I count 4….A) yes. B) yes. C) Something else I think. If the US was acting responsibly, we would have done something to stop the blood shed in Darfur, among other things. D) As a world we are responsible for them all. Sometimes, most times if possible, we need to share the burden. But we can’t just sit around and let those things happen again and again. People are more important than oil, or other resources.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
WEEK THREE: Five questions on FUNERALS
AUTHOR IN CHARGE OF THIS WEEK: Andreas Ekström
I just attended a wonderful funeral. Does that sentence sound weird? We buried my grandfather, who had just turned 96. He led a full life, and left a big family in harmony behind as he now passed away. I am not a religious man. I don't think grandpa is around anymore, not in any way. But he is in us! I was a pallbearer at the funeral, and was one of the six who actually put the casket down in the grave. And old farmer, returning to the soil from which he harvested a life. I will remember it forever.
1. Which is the best funeral you ever visited?
2. Which is the worst funeral you ever visited?
3. Did you make any plans for your own funeral?
4. What are your thoughts on burial in the soil versus cremation? Which is better? Which is better for you? (And did you hear about the Swedish method, not yet sanctioned, where the body and the casket is frozen very very cold, and then vibrated into a powder...? Apparently very friendly for the environment.)
5. And finally: Isn't it just odd that the word funeral starts with fun...? What are your thoughts on the very word? And what is the word for funeral in your language, if your first language isn't English?
I just attended a wonderful funeral. Does that sentence sound weird? We buried my grandfather, who had just turned 96. He led a full life, and left a big family in harmony behind as he now passed away. I am not a religious man. I don't think grandpa is around anymore, not in any way. But he is in us! I was a pallbearer at the funeral, and was one of the six who actually put the casket down in the grave. And old farmer, returning to the soil from which he harvested a life. I will remember it forever.
1. Which is the best funeral you ever visited?
2. Which is the worst funeral you ever visited?
3. Did you make any plans for your own funeral?
4. What are your thoughts on burial in the soil versus cremation? Which is better? Which is better for you? (And did you hear about the Swedish method, not yet sanctioned, where the body and the casket is frozen very very cold, and then vibrated into a powder...? Apparently very friendly for the environment.)
5. And finally: Isn't it just odd that the word funeral starts with fun...? What are your thoughts on the very word? And what is the word for funeral in your language, if your first language isn't English?
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