1. Can you describe a favorite travel memory? It doesn’t have to be extraordinary - simple is good, too – but what is a memory of some travel experience that you treasure?
I consider myself a world traveler. When someone hears that I love to travel, that is always a question (along with “Where is the best place you have lived?”) that I am asked. I usually respond with a deep and heavy sigh. There are so many. I generally divide “great places that I have been” into two categories: 1. BREATHTAKING and 2. MOVE ME TO EMOTIOIN. This is similar to how I judge a good movie. Probably my most “breathtaking” place has been the Maldives. I have never seen a place that more represents heaven – with the most crystal clear water and beaches. And I have seen many. Of course, it helped when the experience was completely paid for by the company that I was working for. In the category of “move me to emotion” – it probably involves food in some way. It probably involves doing something native. For me, that is Japan. The culture – the food – the people take me away from what I know and provide me with a sensory overload of sight – sound – taste and culture. Even today, after having been there over a dozen times – I am still soulfully intoxicated when I go there. And because of those sensory items, I can remember so many details of every trip. My first trip to India, Bangkok, and Vietnam would come right in after that. I guess I still love – and miss Asia.
2. What is something you’ve learned from traveling - a lesson that you’ve tried to carry with you in the rest of your life?
Love the question. A couple of principles that work for me: 1). Focus on knowing the culture – not the language. It is the observation of a people that does more for you than mimicking the sound of a people. 2). We are all human – and generally want the same thing. Start with human motivation, and the rest is just a repeated habit. 3). Seek to understand rather than to be understood. 4). Taste everything. A food is human to all. And it is indicative to a person’s culture. 5). Try most things once – and get beyond judging things because of your own culture. 6). You will get robbed if you travel long enough. If not – you are not a real road warrior. 7). Every culture has it’s own version of a taco 8). Recognize that police in every country have different missions around the world – either to protect, enforce or to guide. Know the role in every country you visit for your own sake. 8). Write what you are experiencing, or you will forget and you will loose that moment when you get older 9). Everyone does not know why they are doing what they do. But discussing it creates a marvelous conversation. 10). Always be sure that you have something as interesting to come home to as you are experiencing out on the road. Otherwise, it causes great conflict. And lastly, 11). My favorite mantra: “Anticipation is fifty percent of the experience – so plan and do it carefully.
3. I’ve been doing a bit of reading about work and careers lately, and came across this quote: “Jump, and a net will appear.” What does that say to you, if anything, and does it apply in any way to your own life?
Well – I can relate to that one. It is similar to my “you have to jump off the lily pad in the river and float downstream” analogy. I can honestly say that I have lived this all my life. And it creates an amazing pattern if you trust and follow it. If you stay on the banks of the river – you will never really know what wonderful adventures are downstream. But you have to jump in the water – and let it carry you.
I am not sure if there is a “net” per se – however – I think there are always better things down the river. You just have to jump. Sure – you get wet. You swallow a little water sometimes and choke. But there is always something more amazing down the river. But the key it so know when to jump (my believe is that if you are thinking about jumping – then it is time. But if you have not “learned 90% of what you came to learn” – then stay for a bit.
I jumped in the water six months ago – for my 12th time. I love it. The water is meandering right now – but soon – I know I will hit rapids. I love it.
4. Here is another quote about work and life choices that I recently discovered: “I must simplify my life, and whittle down what I do to the things that I am absolutely the most passionate about, or else I risk being stuck in mediocrity.” Similarly, what does that say to you, if anything, and does it apply to your own life?
Simplify? Perhaps. For me – that is more about lessoning distractions so that I can focus on the most important things. But don’t take away all of my electronic “distractions.” I love them. Distraction for me is the larger risk these days than mediocrity.
However, this unknown man who is now known and will be our next president has caused me to think again. Here is a man who definitely has put it all out there – refusing to be mediocre. He is focused. And wow – look at what he has done. He is an example of human potential.
My largest fear for myself – and for everyone else in life is not understanding or going for their full potential. When I die – this is the only regret that would matter to me. So – I keep fighting for change and new things.
5. The U.S presidential election is on Tuesday. By the time you have to answer this question, we’ll know the outcome of the vote. How do you think the result of this election affects how the world views the U.S.? (Or, if you prefer, how you personally view the U.S., or how the U.S. might view itself?)
It was just hours ago that I watched Obama named our new president. I cried with excitement. Not since Ronald Regan have I felt hope and potential. If McCain has been elected, I think it would have been ok. But I think we would have had just an “ok” next four years – similar to life for the last eight years. But this is something new. I am so proud to show to our international colleagues around the world true demonstrations of Democracy – and of this amazing belief we have in America that anything can happen. I love showing them the resilience of America – and the idea of “not betting against America.” Obama will be views equally well if not better than Clinton as a global, tolerant person. He looks, talks and acts the part. There is so much to say about this election. While watching the television tonight – I wrote pages and pages of thoughts.
TOP FIVE THOUGHTS from my journal tonight:
1. This was not a campaign. It was a moment.
2. There is a new role model for the 40% minority of America. This election will be viewed in history as one of the most memorable change we could ever imagine.
3. This is a passing from the old generation to the new generation. It is time to pass the batan. Our new generation does not see people as devise groups of color and gender –but as people who have potential. We will be INCLUSIVE versus EXCLUSIVE.
4. We chose hope over fear.
5. This changes everything. In so many ways. In so many ways!
And lastly – my favorite comment came when they interviewed black author Maya Angelo tonight. She said, “We have finally decided not to live with our ignorance.”
EXACTLY!
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Bianca Regina - Prejudice and Stereotypes
1. What are some of the things people who don't know you very well tend to think about you?
People tend to think that I am independent, self-reliant, somewhat distant and intimidating, not needy at all. A woman once ended her acquaintance with me because in her opinion I had "too few problems" and therefore couldn't relate to her. Among my colleagues, I have a reputation for being straight forward - we recently discussed a patient of mine who smells so badly that I can hardly stand being in the room with her, and they assumed that for me, it would be really easy to tell her.
When I first moved to Eastern Germany (the former GDR) people knew by my clothes and the way I talked, by how I behaved that I was "from the West". Ten years on, the boundaries have blurred, I fit in more, and sometimes my patients tell me all about those horrible "Wessis" (people from Western Germany) who have come to take away their jobs, wrongly assuming that I am from the East as well.
2. Which of these assumptions are true?
Most of them are true, I guess. I have had to work hard to realize that not all of them are true all the time. For example, going through the experience of infertility has helped me to acknowledge that I do have a needy side. I practise that sometimes now by telling the husband and friends about my troubles, even putting in a bit of whining at times (which is fun and makes me and them laugh). Like everyone else, I do have problems, insecurities and worries. Not that many maybe. As for the patient, it took me week to tell her (breathing throught my mouth). That much is true: once I've realised that I'm avoiding something I should be taking care of, I tell myself that avoidance is not okay, and then do it anyway.
3. Which stereotypes about your country are true about you, if any?
I've found a list of stereotypes about Germans which I'll comment on:
When I come into contact with violence, it takes me quite a while to be able to understand the person behind that action - at first, I judge them, thinking that they're idiots/assholes/imbeciles. Overcoming my own judgment is hard in this case.
5. To you, what value is there in stereotypes?
They make life easier at times. They exist to reduce complexity. And they are a lot of fun to talk about!
People tend to think that I am independent, self-reliant, somewhat distant and intimidating, not needy at all. A woman once ended her acquaintance with me because in her opinion I had "too few problems" and therefore couldn't relate to her. Among my colleagues, I have a reputation for being straight forward - we recently discussed a patient of mine who smells so badly that I can hardly stand being in the room with her, and they assumed that for me, it would be really easy to tell her.
When I first moved to Eastern Germany (the former GDR) people knew by my clothes and the way I talked, by how I behaved that I was "from the West". Ten years on, the boundaries have blurred, I fit in more, and sometimes my patients tell me all about those horrible "Wessis" (people from Western Germany) who have come to take away their jobs, wrongly assuming that I am from the East as well.
2. Which of these assumptions are true?
Most of them are true, I guess. I have had to work hard to realize that not all of them are true all the time. For example, going through the experience of infertility has helped me to acknowledge that I do have a needy side. I practise that sometimes now by telling the husband and friends about my troubles, even putting in a bit of whining at times (which is fun and makes me and them laugh). Like everyone else, I do have problems, insecurities and worries. Not that many maybe. As for the patient, it took me week to tell her (breathing throught my mouth). That much is true: once I've realised that I'm avoiding something I should be taking care of, I tell myself that avoidance is not okay, and then do it anyway.
3. Which stereotypes about your country are true about you, if any?
I've found a list of stereotypes about Germans which I'll comment on:
The women are icy Teutonic beauties with blonde hair and blue eyes.
Blue eyes, yes, Teutonic, no (though fairly tall), beauty, naturally, fo others to judge.
Both sexes loathe inefficiency, love the Fatherland, have never been late for anything in their lives, and would secretly quite like to invade Europe, even if they have to do it via the EU.
I don't like inefficiency, the Fatherland is ok (especially since we have a female chancellor), I am always on time, and no, I don't have secret ambitions for invasion. About the punctuality: I got into a fight with the husband over his being late yesterday where he suggested that I might take it easier on this point. I am more "German" in this respect than most of my friends and have coined the phrase "being on time makes me lonely" for myself - to remind me of all the times I have spent waiting for people, being once again stupidly on time. And alone.
They speak perfect English, and eat about five meals a day. They don't know the meaning of the word Witz (joke in German).
My English is fairly perfect, and it's something I'm secretly really vain about. I try not to tell anyone, though. I like jokes, but have a bad reputation for not laughing about them. I probably smile more and laugh out loud less.
There are, like I mentioned in my answer to question 1, quite a few stereotypes inhabitants of what used to be the two Germanys have about each other: "Wessis" are supposed to be too full of themselves, true capitalists and masters of self-presentation, "Ossis", the stereotype goes, are timid, somewhat lame, homey and afraid of risks. As with all stereotypes, there is some truth in both of them. Which might to a whole discussion about how political systems shape personalities and how that can change when the systems change...
When I come into contact with violence, it takes me quite a while to be able to understand the person behind that action - at first, I judge them, thinking that they're idiots/assholes/imbeciles. Overcoming my own judgment is hard in this case.
5. To you, what value is there in stereotypes?
They make life easier at times. They exist to reduce complexity. And they are a lot of fun to talk about!
RICK VON FELDT: Prejudice and Stereotypes
1. What are some of the things people who don't know you very well tend to think about you?
When I used to work in Singapore – I would sometimes go out to coffee with my assistant. That poor woman had to deal with my “office demeanor” – which often times would be short, impatient and rather direct. After a few cups of coffee, and taking time to really talk, I would usually ask her about how the team was doing – and if there was any thoughts about me she was hearing. I was always surprised to hear her call me “fierce.” I don’t see myself as fierce. I also think that until people get to know me – they wonder what in the world I am doing living a single life. I think the assume there must be something wrong with me – and that something bad in my life happened, causing me to want to live alone all these years.
2. Which of these assumptions are true?
I don’t think I am fierce. Impatient? Yes. And ok – if certain principles in life are violated – then I can get fierce – at least in my stare. But I rarely erupt in anger. I sometimes like to “grrr” at other cars on the highway. There I can be fierce. Last week, when I was in Kansas, my parents would often fight on where they would sit in the car. They would argue on who would get to be in the back seat. Perhaps that is a reflection of people who do know me – and my fierceness?
3. Which stereotypes about your country are true about you, if any?
I suppose I have to start with what I think are the main stereotypes: thoughtlessly optimistic, sometimes shallow, generally US centric and not thinking about the world. We can be seen as fundamentalists – based upon not well thought out ideas or based upon religion. We are thought to be consumptive and wasteful. We act sometimes before we think. We are more interesting in what is possible versus what should not be.
Am I like that?
I think I do embody the optimism of America. I like to think about “yes I can” vs. “no – we can’t do that.” I have been weaned on the idea that hard work can get you anything. I don’t take no for an answer and I will question, but yes, sometimes on emotion rather than thought. I don’t think I am shallow and if anything – too intense in general.
I think what would have also been interesting with this question is that each of us should have provided to the others what our perspectives of stereotypes were for their countries. I think I will go back and do that in the comment section. For example, I have some interesting ideas for Peter as an Australian….
4. What are situations in which you find yourself to be prejudiced?
I am prejudiced at times. I admit it. For example, I stereotype – and am predjudiced about drivers in California. I believe, and am right about 95% of the time that the slowest and wrong drivers on the highway are Hispanics or Asian women wives. I stereotypically blame this on lack of confidence or skill. It drives me crazy – and I talk to them when I pass them crazily in my car in the fast lane. Or rather – when they are in the fast lane – and I have to go around them!
When I returned to the USA – I had to once again adjust to the idea in America that you are not allowed to see color. In Asia – people would describe me as a Caucasian. That is what I was. It was a way to designate. That could have add on connotations. But with so much ethnic diversity – it was sometimes easier to understand people based upon a starting point. Of course, it also irked me when I was described as an American. And with that – came lots of stereotypes of silly Americans or American expats that hung out at the American Club.
Last week, I was reminded about how some of these predjudices form. I was back home with my family. I had taken a few of them out for lunch. In the route to drive to the Thai restaurant, I managed to take wrong turn – and headed incorrectly in to East Topeka. Topeka, like many Midwest towns either self segregate – or simply do it economically, which often achieves the same result. (Oops. You see – that is also a stereotype – some of which is true – but of course, not completely.)
As we started to drive into these neighborhoods, in which lawns were not cut, debris not removed and houses were not well kept, horror crossed the eyes of my families face. One of them even made a surprising comment with racial overtones. I was surprised at their reaction. Yet – I reminded myself that 20 years ago – I had the same perspective. This type of neighborhood in Topeka meant either Hispanic or Black neighborhoods. It was still true – but somehow – thinks looked less dangerous to me. I am not sure if this is because while living in Asia – I made new associations that poor did not equal bad or dangerous. I replaced some of that fear with empathy. But that is not what I was brought up to believe. While my Germanic upbringing has served me well in worth ethic – it can also breed intolerance to those who don’t work hard and make something of themselves. That intolerance gets mixed with fear – and expectations – and for many – nasty stereotypes develop.
Let me recount one more story that is fresh on my mind. It happened tonight, on the eve of Barack Obama becoming the president-elect of the US. About an hour before Obama was declared the winner of the election, I was finishing up at the gym. (If I have to watch election results, I might as well be on the treadmill at the same time!)
In the men’s locker room, I had finished showering, and was putting on my clothes. Usually, most people in the gym only talk to people they know. And since this is not my purpose in the gym, I keep my head down, do my work out and get out of there. No conversation.
A man on the nearby bench blurted out to me, “Well – that seems to have ended pretty quick tonight.” I looked around, and not seeing anyone else, realized he was talking to me.
“Pardon me?” I said.
“The election is already over. He won.”
I nodded.
“Now what are we going to do?” he said.
I was surprised that a stranger was talking to me. And even more surprised that he was asking provoking questions about politics. I was trying to think about how to handle the question. I was wearing jeans. My hair is longer. I certainly didn’t “look” the McCain (stereotype). Why was he saying this to me?
I decided to take the high road – and just get out of it. I responded, “It is time for a new America.”
He simply huffed and said, “We have been paying them to have babies for twenty years. Now we are going to pay for it.”
I was surprised. Shocked. I didn’t know what to say. I was tempted to spit something back at him, but I knew that it was a wrong place to debate. And moreover – he was a person not worth convincing.
I said nothing.
But as I drove home, I played the conversation over in my head – and tried to realize where his prejudice and perspective was coming from.
I can go more into my thought. But my bottom line realization is that the man had fear in his eyes. In his mind, his white world of supremecy was slowly coming to an end. And for him – and many Americans with wrong impressions about diversity in their minds – they are filled with fear.
I had to fortunately experience to be a diverse person living in a diverse world. Young people today are growing up in the same way.
But older generations of self (and this is a generalization and a stereotype) segregation haven’t learned that the world is a mix.
5. To you, what value is there in stereotypes?
Several of my author colleagues said that there is not much value in predjudice. While I agree that it can lead to many negative things – I think there is some value.
Sometimes, to me, it is like starting out with a hypothesis. You start with a set of assumptions and then your job is to either validate or dispel them. I have a sterotype that Asian women of 45 years of age here in California are slow drives that only come out at 10:30 am. I would hope that I find them out here kicking my butt in the fast lane. Generally, my sterotype is true. And I cheer them on when the buck the trend.
I stereotype that people from the Midwest have a certain set of “land values.” I go about validating if it is true and what is not true.
I believe, whether we like it or not – we all discover other people in this way. What is wrong is when we judge and don’t optimistically look to validate both sides.
I will give one more example.
Today, I needed to go in to ATT to get a new USB wireless card for my computer. I walked in to the store, and walked up to the man behind the counter who was free. He had scruffy facial hair. His polo shirt was way too tight to cover his massive 250 lb frame. He was not Caucasian. He had an ear ring.
Whether I wanted to or not – I had instant perspectives in what I thought he might be – both good and bad.
To me – challenge is to have those stereotypes – and then go about dispelling them or proving them true.
Isn’t that what we do as humans?
Is that right or wrong?
(drop me a note for more on my interactions with this particular chap – and whether my stereotype held true or not.)
When I used to work in Singapore – I would sometimes go out to coffee with my assistant. That poor woman had to deal with my “office demeanor” – which often times would be short, impatient and rather direct. After a few cups of coffee, and taking time to really talk, I would usually ask her about how the team was doing – and if there was any thoughts about me she was hearing. I was always surprised to hear her call me “fierce.” I don’t see myself as fierce. I also think that until people get to know me – they wonder what in the world I am doing living a single life. I think the assume there must be something wrong with me – and that something bad in my life happened, causing me to want to live alone all these years.
2. Which of these assumptions are true?
I don’t think I am fierce. Impatient? Yes. And ok – if certain principles in life are violated – then I can get fierce – at least in my stare. But I rarely erupt in anger. I sometimes like to “grrr” at other cars on the highway. There I can be fierce. Last week, when I was in Kansas, my parents would often fight on where they would sit in the car. They would argue on who would get to be in the back seat. Perhaps that is a reflection of people who do know me – and my fierceness?
3. Which stereotypes about your country are true about you, if any?
I suppose I have to start with what I think are the main stereotypes: thoughtlessly optimistic, sometimes shallow, generally US centric and not thinking about the world. We can be seen as fundamentalists – based upon not well thought out ideas or based upon religion. We are thought to be consumptive and wasteful. We act sometimes before we think. We are more interesting in what is possible versus what should not be.
Am I like that?
I think I do embody the optimism of America. I like to think about “yes I can” vs. “no – we can’t do that.” I have been weaned on the idea that hard work can get you anything. I don’t take no for an answer and I will question, but yes, sometimes on emotion rather than thought. I don’t think I am shallow and if anything – too intense in general.
I think what would have also been interesting with this question is that each of us should have provided to the others what our perspectives of stereotypes were for their countries. I think I will go back and do that in the comment section. For example, I have some interesting ideas for Peter as an Australian….
4. What are situations in which you find yourself to be prejudiced?
I am prejudiced at times. I admit it. For example, I stereotype – and am predjudiced about drivers in California. I believe, and am right about 95% of the time that the slowest and wrong drivers on the highway are Hispanics or Asian women wives. I stereotypically blame this on lack of confidence or skill. It drives me crazy – and I talk to them when I pass them crazily in my car in the fast lane. Or rather – when they are in the fast lane – and I have to go around them!
When I returned to the USA – I had to once again adjust to the idea in America that you are not allowed to see color. In Asia – people would describe me as a Caucasian. That is what I was. It was a way to designate. That could have add on connotations. But with so much ethnic diversity – it was sometimes easier to understand people based upon a starting point. Of course, it also irked me when I was described as an American. And with that – came lots of stereotypes of silly Americans or American expats that hung out at the American Club.
Last week, I was reminded about how some of these predjudices form. I was back home with my family. I had taken a few of them out for lunch. In the route to drive to the Thai restaurant, I managed to take wrong turn – and headed incorrectly in to East Topeka. Topeka, like many Midwest towns either self segregate – or simply do it economically, which often achieves the same result. (Oops. You see – that is also a stereotype – some of which is true – but of course, not completely.)
As we started to drive into these neighborhoods, in which lawns were not cut, debris not removed and houses were not well kept, horror crossed the eyes of my families face. One of them even made a surprising comment with racial overtones. I was surprised at their reaction. Yet – I reminded myself that 20 years ago – I had the same perspective. This type of neighborhood in Topeka meant either Hispanic or Black neighborhoods. It was still true – but somehow – thinks looked less dangerous to me. I am not sure if this is because while living in Asia – I made new associations that poor did not equal bad or dangerous. I replaced some of that fear with empathy. But that is not what I was brought up to believe. While my Germanic upbringing has served me well in worth ethic – it can also breed intolerance to those who don’t work hard and make something of themselves. That intolerance gets mixed with fear – and expectations – and for many – nasty stereotypes develop.
Let me recount one more story that is fresh on my mind. It happened tonight, on the eve of Barack Obama becoming the president-elect of the US. About an hour before Obama was declared the winner of the election, I was finishing up at the gym. (If I have to watch election results, I might as well be on the treadmill at the same time!)
In the men’s locker room, I had finished showering, and was putting on my clothes. Usually, most people in the gym only talk to people they know. And since this is not my purpose in the gym, I keep my head down, do my work out and get out of there. No conversation.
A man on the nearby bench blurted out to me, “Well – that seems to have ended pretty quick tonight.” I looked around, and not seeing anyone else, realized he was talking to me.
“Pardon me?” I said.
“The election is already over. He won.”
I nodded.
“Now what are we going to do?” he said.
I was surprised that a stranger was talking to me. And even more surprised that he was asking provoking questions about politics. I was trying to think about how to handle the question. I was wearing jeans. My hair is longer. I certainly didn’t “look” the McCain (stereotype). Why was he saying this to me?
I decided to take the high road – and just get out of it. I responded, “It is time for a new America.”
He simply huffed and said, “We have been paying them to have babies for twenty years. Now we are going to pay for it.”
I was surprised. Shocked. I didn’t know what to say. I was tempted to spit something back at him, but I knew that it was a wrong place to debate. And moreover – he was a person not worth convincing.
I said nothing.
But as I drove home, I played the conversation over in my head – and tried to realize where his prejudice and perspective was coming from.
I can go more into my thought. But my bottom line realization is that the man had fear in his eyes. In his mind, his white world of supremecy was slowly coming to an end. And for him – and many Americans with wrong impressions about diversity in their minds – they are filled with fear.
I had to fortunately experience to be a diverse person living in a diverse world. Young people today are growing up in the same way.
But older generations of self (and this is a generalization and a stereotype) segregation haven’t learned that the world is a mix.
5. To you, what value is there in stereotypes?
Several of my author colleagues said that there is not much value in predjudice. While I agree that it can lead to many negative things – I think there is some value.
Sometimes, to me, it is like starting out with a hypothesis. You start with a set of assumptions and then your job is to either validate or dispel them. I have a sterotype that Asian women of 45 years of age here in California are slow drives that only come out at 10:30 am. I would hope that I find them out here kicking my butt in the fast lane. Generally, my sterotype is true. And I cheer them on when the buck the trend.
I stereotype that people from the Midwest have a certain set of “land values.” I go about validating if it is true and what is not true.
I believe, whether we like it or not – we all discover other people in this way. What is wrong is when we judge and don’t optimistically look to validate both sides.
I will give one more example.
Today, I needed to go in to ATT to get a new USB wireless card for my computer. I walked in to the store, and walked up to the man behind the counter who was free. He had scruffy facial hair. His polo shirt was way too tight to cover his massive 250 lb frame. He was not Caucasian. He had an ear ring.
Whether I wanted to or not – I had instant perspectives in what I thought he might be – both good and bad.
To me – challenge is to have those stereotypes – and then go about dispelling them or proving them true.
Isn’t that what we do as humans?
Is that right or wrong?
(drop me a note for more on my interactions with this particular chap – and whether my stereotype held true or not.)
Sunday, November 2, 2008
BIANCA REGINA: Travel, Work and Politcs
1. Can you describe a favorite travel memory? It doesn’t have to be extraordinary - simple is good, too – but what is a memory of some travel experience that you treasure?
Being in Naples, Italy with the husband, eating pizza every day, drinking as much capuccino as we could, savouring street food, being outside - just trying to soak up all the simple, wonderful things about Italian life. Another favourite memory is being by myself on transatlantic flights. I really enjoyed being alone, and noticing that moment when time begins to drift, changing from one time zone and continent to another.
2. What is something you’ve learned from traveling – a lesson that you’ve tried to carry with you in the rest of your life?
Like Andreas: to take less. I once travelled in Mexico with my elder brother, me having already learned this lesson, him more and more annoyed with the weight of his backpack (and with watching me and my small, lightweight backpack) every day. In the end, he left a bunch of clothing behind in a hotel. Maybe some very tall Mexican is still wearing his clothes today.
Another lesson: to prepare. I love it when I have everything with me, down to the miniature bottle of my favourite conditioner, earplugs and a well-stocked MP3 player. It kind of contradicts the first lesson, so I would probably modify it to say that I think about not taking too much, but that I also take as many things as possible to treat myself well (even if three pairs of pants, four rings and four pairs of earrings aren't really necessary for a weekend, it's great to be able to choose).
3. I’ve been doing a bit of reading about work and careers lately, and came across this quote: “Jump, and a net will appear.” What does that say to you, if anything, and does it apply in any way to your own life?
I haven't jumped all that muchcareer-wise, in fact, parts of my career can accurately be described as stumbling. I like to think that I could jump if I had to, and that I would trust that a net would appear. Currently, I don't have to, so it doesn't really apply. I take risks in doing therapy and I try out new things, but that's walking or possibly skipping, not jumping.
4. Here is another quote about work and life choices that I recently discovered: “I must simplify my life, and whittle down what I do to the things that I am absolutely the most passionate about, or else I risk being stuck in mediocrity.” Similarly, what does that say to you, if anything, and does it apply to your own life?
It does say something to me. Like I said, I try to get rid of stuff that's not good for me. I also only work four days a week - a luxury I can afford because my job is well paid, but also something I do to increase the quality of my work. Well, also to increase the amount of time I have to do fun things. I can live with being mediocre for part of the time too, otherwise, life just gets too exhausting for me.
5. The U.S presidential election is on Tuesday. By the time you have to answer this question, we’ll know the outcome of the vote. How do you think the result of this election affects how the world views the U.S.? (Or, if you prefer, how you personally view the U.S., or how the U.S. might view itself?)
Most Europeans support Barack Obama. The weekly newspaper I read does not even try to be objective in its coverage of the election, it has wholeheartedly embraced the Democratic candidate. It's only Sunday, but the husband and me have already talked about when results will be coming in. See from afar, the question associated with this election is whether the States will change or not. Me, I'd like to see change.
Being in Naples, Italy with the husband, eating pizza every day, drinking as much capuccino as we could, savouring street food, being outside - just trying to soak up all the simple, wonderful things about Italian life. Another favourite memory is being by myself on transatlantic flights. I really enjoyed being alone, and noticing that moment when time begins to drift, changing from one time zone and continent to another.
2. What is something you’ve learned from traveling – a lesson that you’ve tried to carry with you in the rest of your life?
Like Andreas: to take less. I once travelled in Mexico with my elder brother, me having already learned this lesson, him more and more annoyed with the weight of his backpack (and with watching me and my small, lightweight backpack) every day. In the end, he left a bunch of clothing behind in a hotel. Maybe some very tall Mexican is still wearing his clothes today.
Another lesson: to prepare. I love it when I have everything with me, down to the miniature bottle of my favourite conditioner, earplugs and a well-stocked MP3 player. It kind of contradicts the first lesson, so I would probably modify it to say that I think about not taking too much, but that I also take as many things as possible to treat myself well (even if three pairs of pants, four rings and four pairs of earrings aren't really necessary for a weekend, it's great to be able to choose).
3. I’ve been doing a bit of reading about work and careers lately, and came across this quote: “Jump, and a net will appear.” What does that say to you, if anything, and does it apply in any way to your own life?
I haven't jumped all that muchcareer-wise, in fact, parts of my career can accurately be described as stumbling. I like to think that I could jump if I had to, and that I would trust that a net would appear. Currently, I don't have to, so it doesn't really apply. I take risks in doing therapy and I try out new things, but that's walking or possibly skipping, not jumping.
4. Here is another quote about work and life choices that I recently discovered: “I must simplify my life, and whittle down what I do to the things that I am absolutely the most passionate about, or else I risk being stuck in mediocrity.” Similarly, what does that say to you, if anything, and does it apply to your own life?
It does say something to me. Like I said, I try to get rid of stuff that's not good for me. I also only work four days a week - a luxury I can afford because my job is well paid, but also something I do to increase the quality of my work. Well, also to increase the amount of time I have to do fun things. I can live with being mediocre for part of the time too, otherwise, life just gets too exhausting for me.
5. The U.S presidential election is on Tuesday. By the time you have to answer this question, we’ll know the outcome of the vote. How do you think the result of this election affects how the world views the U.S.? (Or, if you prefer, how you personally view the U.S., or how the U.S. might view itself?)
Most Europeans support Barack Obama. The weekly newspaper I read does not even try to be objective in its coverage of the election, it has wholeheartedly embraced the Democratic candidate. It's only Sunday, but the husband and me have already talked about when results will be coming in. See from afar, the question associated with this election is whether the States will change or not. Me, I'd like to see change.
ANDREAS EKSTROM: Travel, Work and Politics
1. Can you describe a favorite travel memory? It doesn’t have to be extraordinary - simple is good, too – but what is a memory of some travel experience that you treasure?
Stepping out on a wintery Chicago Street a few years back, a mild evening, having a four hour layover, just hitting the town since I happen to know a great place for hot chocolate there. A wonderfully urban feeling. I also love a memory of visiting ”Bianca Regina” while she lived in London – a little over ten years ago, which, in itself, is a breathtaking thought.
2. What is something you’ve learned from traveling – a lesson that you’ve tried to carry with you in the rest of your life?
Travel light. Get rid of unnecessary baggage.
3. I’ve been doing a bit of reading about work and careers lately, and came across this quote: “Jump, and a net will appear.” What does that say to you, if anything, and does it apply in any way to your own life?
That's all about trusting oneself. I could probably be better at that.
4. Here is another quote about work and life choices that I recently discovered: “I must simplify my life, and whittle down what I do to the things that I am absolutely the most passionate about, or else I risk being stuck in mediocrity.” Similarly, what does that say to you, if anything, and does it apply to your own life?
A constant struggle for me.
5. The U.S presidential election is on Tuesday. By the time you have to answer this question, we’ll know the outcome of the vote. How do you think the result of this election affects how the world views the U.S.? (Or, if you prefer, how you personally view the U.S., or how the U.S. might view itself?)
A big question. Mr Obama represents a more modern and international view of the world. That does give me some hope.
Stepping out on a wintery Chicago Street a few years back, a mild evening, having a four hour layover, just hitting the town since I happen to know a great place for hot chocolate there. A wonderfully urban feeling. I also love a memory of visiting ”Bianca Regina” while she lived in London – a little over ten years ago, which, in itself, is a breathtaking thought.
2. What is something you’ve learned from traveling – a lesson that you’ve tried to carry with you in the rest of your life?
Travel light. Get rid of unnecessary baggage.
3. I’ve been doing a bit of reading about work and careers lately, and came across this quote: “Jump, and a net will appear.” What does that say to you, if anything, and does it apply in any way to your own life?
That's all about trusting oneself. I could probably be better at that.
4. Here is another quote about work and life choices that I recently discovered: “I must simplify my life, and whittle down what I do to the things that I am absolutely the most passionate about, or else I risk being stuck in mediocrity.” Similarly, what does that say to you, if anything, and does it apply to your own life?
A constant struggle for me.
5. The U.S presidential election is on Tuesday. By the time you have to answer this question, we’ll know the outcome of the vote. How do you think the result of this election affects how the world views the U.S.? (Or, if you prefer, how you personally view the U.S., or how the U.S. might view itself?)
A big question. Mr Obama represents a more modern and international view of the world. That does give me some hope.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
WEEK FIVE: Five questions on TRAVEL, WORK and POLITICS
Rather than focus on just one main subject area this week, I decided to have this set of questions be more of a variety pack. There are questions on travel, work and politics. Enjoy!
1. Can you describe a favorite travel memory? It doesn’t have to be extraordinary - simple is good, too – but what is a memory of some travel experience that you treasure?
2. What is something you’ve learned from traveling - a lesson that you’ve tried to carry with you in the rest of your life?
3. I’ve been doing a bit of reading about work and careers lately, and came across this quote: “Jump, and a net will appear.” What does that say to you, if anything, and does it apply in any way to your own life?
4. Here is another quote about work and life choices that I recently discovered: “I must simplify my life, and whittle down what I do to the things that I am absolutely the most passionate about, or else I risk being stuck in mediocrity.” Similarly, what does that say to you, if anything, and does it apply to your own life?
5. The U.S presidential election is on Tuesday. By the time you have to answer this question, we’ll know the outcome of the vote. How do you think the result of this election affects how the world views the U.S.? (Or, if you prefer, how you personally view the U.S., or how the U.S. might view itself?)
1. Can you describe a favorite travel memory? It doesn’t have to be extraordinary - simple is good, too – but what is a memory of some travel experience that you treasure?
2. What is something you’ve learned from traveling - a lesson that you’ve tried to carry with you in the rest of your life?
3. I’ve been doing a bit of reading about work and careers lately, and came across this quote: “Jump, and a net will appear.” What does that say to you, if anything, and does it apply in any way to your own life?
4. Here is another quote about work and life choices that I recently discovered: “I must simplify my life, and whittle down what I do to the things that I am absolutely the most passionate about, or else I risk being stuck in mediocrity.” Similarly, what does that say to you, if anything, and does it apply to your own life?
5. The U.S presidential election is on Tuesday. By the time you have to answer this question, we’ll know the outcome of the vote. How do you think the result of this election affects how the world views the U.S.? (Or, if you prefer, how you personally view the U.S., or how the U.S. might view itself?)
PETER WARING - Prejudice and Stereotypes
1. What are some of the things people who don't know you very well tend to think about you?
A tricky question since I also don’t know the people who don’t know me very well. I guess though some people might view me as being a little serious and reflective – perhaps even a little ‘anal’? Some may even think I’m conservative? People who know me better know that I have a broad and occasionally bizarre sense of humour and a left-leaning, liberal political orientation.
2. Which of these assumptions are true?
Certainly not the assumption that I am conservative. I can be quite serious and reflective though and sometimes I do need to remind myself to temper idealism with realism and not to get too ‘worked-up’ over the things that get me angry – prejudice, anti-intellectualism, narrow thinking…
3. Which stereotypes about your country are true about you, if any?
Australians are typically seen to be free and easy people with a laconic style and friendly disposition. We’re known for being intolerant of ‘bull-shit’ and those who seek to assert their superior social status. I guess this description is generally true of me also though I tend to be less laconic and perhaps not as ‘free and easy’ as other Aussies. I also wrestle less crocodiles then my fellow Australians and have only once ridden on the back of a Kangaroo!
4. What are situations in which you find yourself to be prejudiced?
Ditto Bob’s comments on ‘right-wing’ nutjobs. I also find myself prejudiced against those with narrow views but who also fail to read or attempt to broaden their understanding of any important issue but rather cling to ill-conceived, self-interested and anachronistic ideology.
5. To you, what value is there in stereotypes?
Only in reminding us that the basis of prejudice is often founded on a gross perceptual error. To take someone’s skin-colour, gender or sexual orientation and link this to certain negative behaviours or characteristics is plainly stupid.
A tricky question since I also don’t know the people who don’t know me very well. I guess though some people might view me as being a little serious and reflective – perhaps even a little ‘anal’? Some may even think I’m conservative? People who know me better know that I have a broad and occasionally bizarre sense of humour and a left-leaning, liberal political orientation.
2. Which of these assumptions are true?
Certainly not the assumption that I am conservative. I can be quite serious and reflective though and sometimes I do need to remind myself to temper idealism with realism and not to get too ‘worked-up’ over the things that get me angry – prejudice, anti-intellectualism, narrow thinking…
3. Which stereotypes about your country are true about you, if any?
Australians are typically seen to be free and easy people with a laconic style and friendly disposition. We’re known for being intolerant of ‘bull-shit’ and those who seek to assert their superior social status. I guess this description is generally true of me also though I tend to be less laconic and perhaps not as ‘free and easy’ as other Aussies. I also wrestle less crocodiles then my fellow Australians and have only once ridden on the back of a Kangaroo!
4. What are situations in which you find yourself to be prejudiced?
Ditto Bob’s comments on ‘right-wing’ nutjobs. I also find myself prejudiced against those with narrow views but who also fail to read or attempt to broaden their understanding of any important issue but rather cling to ill-conceived, self-interested and anachronistic ideology.
5. To you, what value is there in stereotypes?
Only in reminding us that the basis of prejudice is often founded on a gross perceptual error. To take someone’s skin-colour, gender or sexual orientation and link this to certain negative behaviours or characteristics is plainly stupid.
Friday, October 31, 2008
BOB RIEL: Prejudice and Stereotypes
1. What are some of the things people who don't know you very well tend to think about you?
Well, I just got back from an appointment with a new chiropractor and am currently sitting in a local cafe, where I just had a short conversation about coffee and Halloween with a barista who only recently began working here. Neither of these individuals know me well at all, so what would their impressions be of me? I think for someone who doesn't know me very well, I come across as friendly, down to earth, calm, probably unexcitable. People who know me slightly better probably assume I am relatively organized.
2. Which of these assumptions are true?
All of them, at least to some degree (otherwise people wouldn't get a certain impression, right?). However, with people who know me well, I think I'm more excitable, have more interests and am less organized than I probably show in public.
3. Which stereotypes about your country are true about you, if any?
Americans are generally seen as a friendly people. They are also perceived to be individualists and risk-takers. And, for better or worse, I guess most non-U.S. citizens perceive Americans to be woefully uninformed about or uninterested in the rest of the world. I meet the first stereotype in that I'm a friendly person who is easy to get along with. I'm an intermittent risk-taker (more than some people but less than others, and perhaps less than I should be). I am, though, very interested in the rest of the world.
4. What are situations in which you find yourself to be prejudiced?
Does it make sense to be prejudiced against people who are prejudiced? And does this mean, in fact, that I'm no better than those I'm prejudiced against? Sorry, but I do find myself with a prejudice against those who judge others by their skin color or their education or whatever. And I can't help myself, but I'm prejudiced against the right-wing nutjobs who make up the base of the national Republican party here in the U.S. Not against all Republicans, as there are some very good and reasonable ones out there, but some of these people really need to get a grip on reality.
5. To you, what value is there in stereotypes?
Stereotypes are valuable to the degree that they give us a flavor of the truth. Just as in question one, surface assumptions about an individual have at least some basis in reality but are rarely the entire story. It's the same with stereotypes about a people or culture. They are not completely true, but there are enough nuggets of truth to give us insight into how a people act and think.
Well, I just got back from an appointment with a new chiropractor and am currently sitting in a local cafe, where I just had a short conversation about coffee and Halloween with a barista who only recently began working here. Neither of these individuals know me well at all, so what would their impressions be of me? I think for someone who doesn't know me very well, I come across as friendly, down to earth, calm, probably unexcitable. People who know me slightly better probably assume I am relatively organized.
2. Which of these assumptions are true?
All of them, at least to some degree (otherwise people wouldn't get a certain impression, right?). However, with people who know me well, I think I'm more excitable, have more interests and am less organized than I probably show in public.
3. Which stereotypes about your country are true about you, if any?
Americans are generally seen as a friendly people. They are also perceived to be individualists and risk-takers. And, for better or worse, I guess most non-U.S. citizens perceive Americans to be woefully uninformed about or uninterested in the rest of the world. I meet the first stereotype in that I'm a friendly person who is easy to get along with. I'm an intermittent risk-taker (more than some people but less than others, and perhaps less than I should be). I am, though, very interested in the rest of the world.
4. What are situations in which you find yourself to be prejudiced?
Does it make sense to be prejudiced against people who are prejudiced? And does this mean, in fact, that I'm no better than those I'm prejudiced against? Sorry, but I do find myself with a prejudice against those who judge others by their skin color or their education or whatever. And I can't help myself, but I'm prejudiced against the right-wing nutjobs who make up the base of the national Republican party here in the U.S. Not against all Republicans, as there are some very good and reasonable ones out there, but some of these people really need to get a grip on reality.
5. To you, what value is there in stereotypes?
Stereotypes are valuable to the degree that they give us a flavor of the truth. Just as in question one, surface assumptions about an individual have at least some basis in reality but are rarely the entire story. It's the same with stereotypes about a people or culture. They are not completely true, but there are enough nuggets of truth to give us insight into how a people act and think.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
ANDREAS EKSTROM: Prejudice and Stereotypes
1-2 What are some of the things people who don't know you very well tend to think about you? Which of these assumptions are true?
I don't drink alcohol, because I don't like the taste of it. It breaks through, in beer, in wine, in liquor and in cocktails. So I don't drink it. (I don't like celery either, but noone has ever put much effort in trying to get me to eat celery...) People tend to think I am a control freak because of that. It's true that I am, to an extent – but it has little or nothing to do with me not liking a particular taste. (How much control do you lose over two glasses of wine to dinner? That is not the issue.) People also think I don't mind conflicts, since I am confident and express myself well. But I do, boy do I ever.
3. Which stereotypes about your country are true about you, if any?
Swedes are dull. I am not. Swedish food is bland. I don't cook bland food. But Swedes are also said to be morally liberal, democratic, non-corrupt, a little envious by nature, tall and fair skinned. Yep, that's me.
4. What are situations in which you find yourself to be prejudiced?
I am generally quick. Quick to analyze, quick to categorize, quick to understand. Sometimes I rush it. I always have to make sure I re-evaluate often. And I try to put very little pride in being right – that does make it easier to change one's mind...
5. To you, what value is there in stereotypes?
A stereotype is often based on a foundational truth – that might not be true all the time, or with all people. I might make use of it in some sort of simplified context, to understand the first little bit of what there is to understand. And that's ok, as long as I am aware of what is what.
I don't drink alcohol, because I don't like the taste of it. It breaks through, in beer, in wine, in liquor and in cocktails. So I don't drink it. (I don't like celery either, but noone has ever put much effort in trying to get me to eat celery...) People tend to think I am a control freak because of that. It's true that I am, to an extent – but it has little or nothing to do with me not liking a particular taste. (How much control do you lose over two glasses of wine to dinner? That is not the issue.) People also think I don't mind conflicts, since I am confident and express myself well. But I do, boy do I ever.
3. Which stereotypes about your country are true about you, if any?
Swedes are dull. I am not. Swedish food is bland. I don't cook bland food. But Swedes are also said to be morally liberal, democratic, non-corrupt, a little envious by nature, tall and fair skinned. Yep, that's me.
4. What are situations in which you find yourself to be prejudiced?
I am generally quick. Quick to analyze, quick to categorize, quick to understand. Sometimes I rush it. I always have to make sure I re-evaluate often. And I try to put very little pride in being right – that does make it easier to change one's mind...
5. To you, what value is there in stereotypes?
A stereotype is often based on a foundational truth – that might not be true all the time, or with all people. I might make use of it in some sort of simplified context, to understand the first little bit of what there is to understand. And that's ok, as long as I am aware of what is what.
WEEK FOUR: Five Questions on PREJUDICE and STEREOTYPES
WEEK FOUR: Five Questions on PREJUDICE and STEREOTYPES
AUTHOR IN CHARGE OF THIS WEEK: Bianca Regina
Hi everyone, here are my five questions for next week:
1. What are some of the things people who don't know you very well tend to think about you?
2. Which of these assumptions are true?
3. Which stereotypes about your country are true about you, if any?
4. What are situations in which you find yourself to be prejudiced?
5. To you, what value is there in stereotypes?
AUTHOR IN CHARGE OF THIS WEEK: Bianca Regina
Hi everyone, here are my five questions for next week:
1. What are some of the things people who don't know you very well tend to think about you?
2. Which of these assumptions are true?
3. Which stereotypes about your country are true about you, if any?
4. What are situations in which you find yourself to be prejudiced?
5. To you, what value is there in stereotypes?
Saturday, October 25, 2008
RICK VON FELDT: Funerals
1. Which is the best funeral you ever visited?
I have yet to attend a funeral that I ever thought was good. I don’t like death. I don’t like any part of it. We can pretend it is a celebration. A party. A going away event. But to me – funerals are not about the dead. They are gone. Funerals are for the living. For me, if I love someone, I am going to be sad.
But I have not been to a funeral since 1999. And it was not a natural death.
I love life so much. I would be one of those people that if asked to make three wishes – first on my list would be to live forever. Second would be to be in good mental and physical health during that never ending life. Therefore, a funeral to me means an end – no more – everything that is wonderful is taken away.
Not believing in a fabulous afterlife also stops me from believing it is a celebration of the passing from one world to the other.
2. Which is the worst funeral you ever visited?
All funerals are sad to me. In 1989, one of my best friends died early in an accidental death. He was robbed of the rest of his glorious days. And we were robbed of him. We did our best to celebrate the good things that happened in his life. But I hated it. I felt so sad. It was one of the times that in public, I was doing the “gasping sobbing” – where you my face ached and I could not catch my breath because of the pain. I tried to tell stories about him. But it only reminded me of what I was not going to have going forward.
And worse was watching his wife. It hurt so much.
And no matter how much I tried to convince myself that it was a part of some plan or it was “mean to be” or he was going to be in a “better place” – it didn’t matter. He was gone. I was sad. And Angry.
Fortunately, I have not had a family member die in over twenty years. That will also be heard when it happens one day.
3. Did you make any plans for your own funeral?
No. I am trying to avoid the idea. Perhaps part of it is that belief that if I think about my own death, I might be speeding up the process.
I am not a big public celebration guy. The idea of having all of my friends come together to “celebrate” my life seems crazy. What’s the point? I am dead. But I am reminded again that funerals are not for the dead – they are for the living. I hope to outlive most of my friends and family – and so hopefully – not many will be around to remember who I was or all of my crazy adventures in life.
If I did start to think about my funeral – perhaps I will have to rethink how we actually do this. Perhaps I will create an ONLINE module for everyone to go through when I die. It might be an adventure game to walk through – both to recap my life, but in true Rick style, to also ask questions – and get people to think.
I WOULD RATHER HAVE A ANNUAL FUNERAL. I am always concerned when people die – people go to funerals to “say goodbye” – and then in many ways – almost forget them. I like to look at it differently. I try not to forget them. On their birthdays, I take personal moments to sit down and spend an hour or so thinking about the dead person. I think about their life – my moments with them, what I learned from them and how to keep their memory alive. I would hope that people would do this for me one day.
4. What are your thoughts on burial in the soil versus cremation? Which is better? Which is better for you? (And did you hear about the Swedish method, not yet sanctioned, where the body and the casket is frozen very very cold, and then vibrated into a powder...? Apparently very friendly for the environment.)
I have not decided on my own final outcome yet. Frankly, I am hoping that cryonics will continue to develop as a potential. If so, I will consider this potential.
The central premise of cryonics is that memory, personality, and identity are stored in cellular structures and chemistry, principally in the brain. While this view is widely accepted in medicine, and brain activity is known to stop and later resume under certain conditions, it is not generally accepted that current methods preserve the brain well enough to permit revival in the future. Cryonics advocates point to studies showing that high concentrations of cryoprotectant circulated through the brain before cooling can prevent structural damage from ice, preserving the fine cell structures of the brain in which memory and identity presumably reside.
If I could find a way to come back to life – and have a chance to live another 100 years – I would. And perhaps I will!
But if not - then cremation seems a more economical and practical way of begin buried. (But I will still preserve some DNA - just in case one day - the world wants another me!)
5. And finally: Isn't it just odd that the word funeral starts with fun...? What are your thoughts on the very word? And what is the word for funeral in your language, if your first language isn't English?
I really didn’t have many thoughts about this. If what Jennifer says is true – then I like the “circle of life” theory. I still cry at the opening and closing of The Lion King which celebrates this idea.
I have yet to attend a funeral that I ever thought was good. I don’t like death. I don’t like any part of it. We can pretend it is a celebration. A party. A going away event. But to me – funerals are not about the dead. They are gone. Funerals are for the living. For me, if I love someone, I am going to be sad.
But I have not been to a funeral since 1999. And it was not a natural death.
I love life so much. I would be one of those people that if asked to make three wishes – first on my list would be to live forever. Second would be to be in good mental and physical health during that never ending life. Therefore, a funeral to me means an end – no more – everything that is wonderful is taken away.
Not believing in a fabulous afterlife also stops me from believing it is a celebration of the passing from one world to the other.
2. Which is the worst funeral you ever visited?
All funerals are sad to me. In 1989, one of my best friends died early in an accidental death. He was robbed of the rest of his glorious days. And we were robbed of him. We did our best to celebrate the good things that happened in his life. But I hated it. I felt so sad. It was one of the times that in public, I was doing the “gasping sobbing” – where you my face ached and I could not catch my breath because of the pain. I tried to tell stories about him. But it only reminded me of what I was not going to have going forward.
And worse was watching his wife. It hurt so much.
And no matter how much I tried to convince myself that it was a part of some plan or it was “mean to be” or he was going to be in a “better place” – it didn’t matter. He was gone. I was sad. And Angry.
Fortunately, I have not had a family member die in over twenty years. That will also be heard when it happens one day.
3. Did you make any plans for your own funeral?
No. I am trying to avoid the idea. Perhaps part of it is that belief that if I think about my own death, I might be speeding up the process.
I am not a big public celebration guy. The idea of having all of my friends come together to “celebrate” my life seems crazy. What’s the point? I am dead. But I am reminded again that funerals are not for the dead – they are for the living. I hope to outlive most of my friends and family – and so hopefully – not many will be around to remember who I was or all of my crazy adventures in life.
If I did start to think about my funeral – perhaps I will have to rethink how we actually do this. Perhaps I will create an ONLINE module for everyone to go through when I die. It might be an adventure game to walk through – both to recap my life, but in true Rick style, to also ask questions – and get people to think.
I WOULD RATHER HAVE A ANNUAL FUNERAL. I am always concerned when people die – people go to funerals to “say goodbye” – and then in many ways – almost forget them. I like to look at it differently. I try not to forget them. On their birthdays, I take personal moments to sit down and spend an hour or so thinking about the dead person. I think about their life – my moments with them, what I learned from them and how to keep their memory alive. I would hope that people would do this for me one day.
4. What are your thoughts on burial in the soil versus cremation? Which is better? Which is better for you? (And did you hear about the Swedish method, not yet sanctioned, where the body and the casket is frozen very very cold, and then vibrated into a powder...? Apparently very friendly for the environment.)
I have not decided on my own final outcome yet. Frankly, I am hoping that cryonics will continue to develop as a potential. If so, I will consider this potential.
The central premise of cryonics is that memory, personality, and identity are stored in cellular structures and chemistry, principally in the brain. While this view is widely accepted in medicine, and brain activity is known to stop and later resume under certain conditions, it is not generally accepted that current methods preserve the brain well enough to permit revival in the future. Cryonics advocates point to studies showing that high concentrations of cryoprotectant circulated through the brain before cooling can prevent structural damage from ice, preserving the fine cell structures of the brain in which memory and identity presumably reside.
If I could find a way to come back to life – and have a chance to live another 100 years – I would. And perhaps I will!
But if not - then cremation seems a more economical and practical way of begin buried. (But I will still preserve some DNA - just in case one day - the world wants another me!)
5. And finally: Isn't it just odd that the word funeral starts with fun...? What are your thoughts on the very word? And what is the word for funeral in your language, if your first language isn't English?
I really didn’t have many thoughts about this. If what Jennifer says is true – then I like the “circle of life” theory. I still cry at the opening and closing of The Lion King which celebrates this idea.
Friday, October 24, 2008
SHERRY ZHANG: Funerals
1. Which is the best funeral you ever visited?
2. Which is the worst funeral you ever visited?
In our world, there are indeed formal funerals which the format might be different as westerns or joyous as Balinese… I indeed never visited such formal funerals (I view this as a good thing so far in my life), what I could remember is only the two funerals that I attended for my grandfather and grandmother – they were even not called as funerals. At the age of 7 and 12, I was brought to the hospital, and saw how my father (as a doctor and also as the son-in-law) to make them looked decent… I saw my father got his eyes red and tearing, but I was in a very strange mood – I did not cry, I was not very frightened, but after such “ceremony”, when I walked on the way to school in the chilly winter alone (I remember both happened in winter), I felt a bit “shame” – I am still not able to explain such mood, I guess in a youth’s mind, having someone dead in family is a bad thing that I also felt a bit angry.
So, neither really gave me the feeling of best or worst. The overall feeling is bad. Especially when I saw my grandfather lying there with wax yellow face, looked cold body, I felt regret on what I did during his last days of staying with my parents and kids – he was not a very pleasant old man in his last days – complained everything with bad temper, so we kids sometimes were not happy with him or just naughty to him.
Another funeral I missed but I think would be the worst in my life is my uncle’s funeral in LA. My 2nd younger sister, Liping was in charge of that when she was at University of LA. It was such a sad thing happened so far in our family. By only reading the letter from my sister, my heart was broken. My father kept quite and in deep sadness for almost the whole month… My uncle was raised by my father and died at 42 years old in the US due to liver cancer. He was deemed as the most achieving person in the whole family’s history.
3. Did you make any plans for your own funeral?
I never thought about this till I saw the question. Even now, I have no idea… The least thing I would like to think in my life so far is the day for my parents…no, I have been always avoiding to think about it. I know human has nature reaction when the time is there but that’s the only thing that frightens me to think over. As for me, if I think now, the “traditional Balinese” that was described by Peter sounds not bad. I wish when the day is coming, I feel restful and happiness in my mind and people who are around me are not so sad…
4. What are your thoughts on burial in the soil versus cremation? Which is better? Which is better for you? (And did you hear about the Swedish method, not yet sanctioned, where the body and the casket is frozen very very cold, and then vibrated into a powder...? Apparently very friendly for the environment.)
I refer cremation and bury the dust somewhere to be absorbed by the soil. As for the Swedish method, to get it very very cold may also consume a lot of energy which could be anti-environment…?:)
5. And finally: Isn't it just odd that the word funeral starts with fun...? What are your thoughts on the very word? And what is the word for funeral in your language, if your first language isn't English?
You raised an interesting point that the word of “funeral” starts with “fun…”, that’s what I expect happened in my funeral, as I said, not so much sad but more of restful and happiness for a life with fruitful joy and meaning. In Chinese, the translation of “funeral” means “a forum of mourning” – so it doesn’t mean “fun” and the Chinese funeral music is really sad which would bring your tears out naturally…. I guess that’s why inner side, I would prefer never to attend such funerals in my life.
2. Which is the worst funeral you ever visited?
In our world, there are indeed formal funerals which the format might be different as westerns or joyous as Balinese… I indeed never visited such formal funerals (I view this as a good thing so far in my life), what I could remember is only the two funerals that I attended for my grandfather and grandmother – they were even not called as funerals. At the age of 7 and 12, I was brought to the hospital, and saw how my father (as a doctor and also as the son-in-law) to make them looked decent… I saw my father got his eyes red and tearing, but I was in a very strange mood – I did not cry, I was not very frightened, but after such “ceremony”, when I walked on the way to school in the chilly winter alone (I remember both happened in winter), I felt a bit “shame” – I am still not able to explain such mood, I guess in a youth’s mind, having someone dead in family is a bad thing that I also felt a bit angry.
So, neither really gave me the feeling of best or worst. The overall feeling is bad. Especially when I saw my grandfather lying there with wax yellow face, looked cold body, I felt regret on what I did during his last days of staying with my parents and kids – he was not a very pleasant old man in his last days – complained everything with bad temper, so we kids sometimes were not happy with him or just naughty to him.
Another funeral I missed but I think would be the worst in my life is my uncle’s funeral in LA. My 2nd younger sister, Liping was in charge of that when she was at University of LA. It was such a sad thing happened so far in our family. By only reading the letter from my sister, my heart was broken. My father kept quite and in deep sadness for almost the whole month… My uncle was raised by my father and died at 42 years old in the US due to liver cancer. He was deemed as the most achieving person in the whole family’s history.
3. Did you make any plans for your own funeral?
I never thought about this till I saw the question. Even now, I have no idea… The least thing I would like to think in my life so far is the day for my parents…no, I have been always avoiding to think about it. I know human has nature reaction when the time is there but that’s the only thing that frightens me to think over. As for me, if I think now, the “traditional Balinese” that was described by Peter sounds not bad. I wish when the day is coming, I feel restful and happiness in my mind and people who are around me are not so sad…
4. What are your thoughts on burial in the soil versus cremation? Which is better? Which is better for you? (And did you hear about the Swedish method, not yet sanctioned, where the body and the casket is frozen very very cold, and then vibrated into a powder...? Apparently very friendly for the environment.)
I refer cremation and bury the dust somewhere to be absorbed by the soil. As for the Swedish method, to get it very very cold may also consume a lot of energy which could be anti-environment…?:)
5. And finally: Isn't it just odd that the word funeral starts with fun...? What are your thoughts on the very word? And what is the word for funeral in your language, if your first language isn't English?
You raised an interesting point that the word of “funeral” starts with “fun…”, that’s what I expect happened in my funeral, as I said, not so much sad but more of restful and happiness for a life with fruitful joy and meaning. In Chinese, the translation of “funeral” means “a forum of mourning” – so it doesn’t mean “fun” and the Chinese funeral music is really sad which would bring your tears out naturally…. I guess that’s why inner side, I would prefer never to attend such funerals in my life.
SHERRY ZHANG: Responsibility
1. What is your principle on RESPONSIBILITY? And how does that play out in your life? (Principle defined as: set of beliefs that guide your actions).
My principle on “RESPONSIBILITY” includes the following believes:
• Everyone is responsible for what he/she is doing and should take the sequence of such actions;
• Everyone is also be responsible for others at a certain level given their roles in professional and personal life
Most of the time, I feel pretty ease when I went to bed every night, knowing that I’ve fulfilled my responsibility on personal and professional life that day. I found this belief and feeling makes me strong to ignore negative comments or misunderstanding from people around me. Just on an one on one meeting I had with one of my subordinates yesterday, she hesitantly told me who said what about me… And I found that I was not bothered by such words now, as I know what and why I did so, and I know that I’m responsible for me and for others on doing so.
In my personal life, “responsible to myself” means to follow my heart but it often splits me when I feel the pressure of following my mind to be responsible for others as well. This made my life a bit challenging but also charming.
It’s the 2nd belief on responsibility often creates guilty in my life, and made me to be on the track to take sequence of what is happening in my life. So, the 2nd belief seems more overwhelming than the 1st one and it made me more as an altruist in others’ eyes that are around me.
2. Where does the principle of responsibility come from? Does it come from religious beliefs? As an offshoot from philosophical principles like “the golden rule? Does it rise out of fear? Is it a requirement of being human?
To me, the principle comes out mainly from the people who plays important role in my life when I grow up. My parents are definitely “altruists” – my father brought up two of his younger sisters and one younger brother at his 15 when both of his parents passed away. And he has been taking such responsibility for the whole of his life, sometimes, too much, which hurts himself. Recently, my aunt, the youngest sister of my father, at her early 50s, complained that it took her years to get money from my parents to support her family to buy an apartment. I view that my father took too much responsibility of being parent to his siblings. My mother actually took similar approach as my father on dealing with her siblings. They both were also selfless in their professional work before retirement. I guess this comes out from Chairman Mao’s education. No doubt, I was deeply impacted by them. Of course, their din exhortations into my ears about my responsibility of being the eldest daughter and the sister of 3 younger sisters also made me take it nature responsibility to take care of others.
I did not find school education played important role to me in this part. But there are also few people in my career impacted me a lot on how I see my responsibility to people who are around me. I once had a good conversation with Rick last summer about a closed friend’s marriage. She believes she has the right to pursue the life she expects even the cost is to leave 3 kids to be apart from parents. The insights that Rick shared on one’s responsibility vs. one’s freedom indeed made me to think through the words of “responsibility”.
The family influence somehow made me easy to be angry with others who are irresponsible and not care… I had an experience that when I was at the grade 2 of high school, I was deeply impressed by the teacher’s effort to help each of my classmates to be good at study, therefore we could pass the examination of university. But I saw many students never cared the effort and just ignore the teacher’s effort. So with angry and urge, I wrote a letter “To All Classmate” and attached the letter on the board of the classroom. I can still feel some of those students’ jeer today; I can hear those people saying “what’s hell of her business!”. But that’s me.
3. What is something you learned from being irresponsible?
I have mixed mood of sympathy and angry to those who are unfortunate due to their irresponsible attitude or actions. Lessons learnt for me was that irresponsible would made you miserable and hateful.
I have one case that happened in my family which I don’t know whom to blame… My cousin delivered a baby 5 years ago. The baby came out earlier than maturity for 2 months. The doctor asked for family’s decision of getting the baby out through Caesarean operation or natural birth. The young couple could not make the decision, so they asked my father to make the decision. My father suggested them to give the baby nature birth. After a few hours waiting, the doctor finally took the baby out via Caesarean operation. The baby was proved as a brain-paralysis patient when he was one year old. He could not walk and act like a normal person till now. The doctor could not explain the root cause of such disease as the baby was borne 2 months early. But my parents have been taking the cross for their life. I feel so bad when I heard the whole story, and I feel so bad when I saw the kid… Should this be a lesson learnt that my father took over the responsibility of the parents and the doctor?
4. What is an example in the world today in which you, or someone greater than you needs to take more responsibility?
I definitely think the government needs to take more responsibility to instill the sense of responsibility to the whole nations in China. If there is one thing to make the country collapsed someday, I view it as the creditability of this nation. The creditability of the country is based on the responsibility that each of individual person and organization is taking. The noxious baby formula that happened recently made me really angry and worry. In a country where there is no major religious belief, many people are surviving to have better life without considering more about the sequence of quick success and instant benefit, the government take unshirkable responsibility to educate people, set regulations and compliance to monitor the progress therefore to instill the believes of each one’s responsibility.
5. Is everyone in the world “responsible” for everyone else in the world? Is a country responsible for something greater than their country?
Yes to both questions in my mind. As for individual’s responsibility to others, I view that from the role an individual is playing – as a mother, a son, or a manager, a project leader…, everyone is responsible for others at a certain level via different ways. For the responsibility of a country to another one, I totally agree to many others comments from world peace. I may add a bit more in terms of environment – when one country is consuming more resources of the world, it creates trouble to all countries in the world. From this point of view, one country is definitely responsible for other countries, and for the whole world. In a great harmony world, a world policeman may not be well-accepted by others, but the great harmony is based on each country is responsible for their own and for the benefits of the whole world.
My principle on “RESPONSIBILITY” includes the following believes:
• Everyone is responsible for what he/she is doing and should take the sequence of such actions;
• Everyone is also be responsible for others at a certain level given their roles in professional and personal life
Most of the time, I feel pretty ease when I went to bed every night, knowing that I’ve fulfilled my responsibility on personal and professional life that day. I found this belief and feeling makes me strong to ignore negative comments or misunderstanding from people around me. Just on an one on one meeting I had with one of my subordinates yesterday, she hesitantly told me who said what about me… And I found that I was not bothered by such words now, as I know what and why I did so, and I know that I’m responsible for me and for others on doing so.
In my personal life, “responsible to myself” means to follow my heart but it often splits me when I feel the pressure of following my mind to be responsible for others as well. This made my life a bit challenging but also charming.
It’s the 2nd belief on responsibility often creates guilty in my life, and made me to be on the track to take sequence of what is happening in my life. So, the 2nd belief seems more overwhelming than the 1st one and it made me more as an altruist in others’ eyes that are around me.
2. Where does the principle of responsibility come from? Does it come from religious beliefs? As an offshoot from philosophical principles like “the golden rule? Does it rise out of fear? Is it a requirement of being human?
To me, the principle comes out mainly from the people who plays important role in my life when I grow up. My parents are definitely “altruists” – my father brought up two of his younger sisters and one younger brother at his 15 when both of his parents passed away. And he has been taking such responsibility for the whole of his life, sometimes, too much, which hurts himself. Recently, my aunt, the youngest sister of my father, at her early 50s, complained that it took her years to get money from my parents to support her family to buy an apartment. I view that my father took too much responsibility of being parent to his siblings. My mother actually took similar approach as my father on dealing with her siblings. They both were also selfless in their professional work before retirement. I guess this comes out from Chairman Mao’s education. No doubt, I was deeply impacted by them. Of course, their din exhortations into my ears about my responsibility of being the eldest daughter and the sister of 3 younger sisters also made me take it nature responsibility to take care of others.
I did not find school education played important role to me in this part. But there are also few people in my career impacted me a lot on how I see my responsibility to people who are around me. I once had a good conversation with Rick last summer about a closed friend’s marriage. She believes she has the right to pursue the life she expects even the cost is to leave 3 kids to be apart from parents. The insights that Rick shared on one’s responsibility vs. one’s freedom indeed made me to think through the words of “responsibility”.
The family influence somehow made me easy to be angry with others who are irresponsible and not care… I had an experience that when I was at the grade 2 of high school, I was deeply impressed by the teacher’s effort to help each of my classmates to be good at study, therefore we could pass the examination of university. But I saw many students never cared the effort and just ignore the teacher’s effort. So with angry and urge, I wrote a letter “To All Classmate” and attached the letter on the board of the classroom. I can still feel some of those students’ jeer today; I can hear those people saying “what’s hell of her business!”. But that’s me.
3. What is something you learned from being irresponsible?
I have mixed mood of sympathy and angry to those who are unfortunate due to their irresponsible attitude or actions. Lessons learnt for me was that irresponsible would made you miserable and hateful.
I have one case that happened in my family which I don’t know whom to blame… My cousin delivered a baby 5 years ago. The baby came out earlier than maturity for 2 months. The doctor asked for family’s decision of getting the baby out through Caesarean operation or natural birth. The young couple could not make the decision, so they asked my father to make the decision. My father suggested them to give the baby nature birth. After a few hours waiting, the doctor finally took the baby out via Caesarean operation. The baby was proved as a brain-paralysis patient when he was one year old. He could not walk and act like a normal person till now. The doctor could not explain the root cause of such disease as the baby was borne 2 months early. But my parents have been taking the cross for their life. I feel so bad when I heard the whole story, and I feel so bad when I saw the kid… Should this be a lesson learnt that my father took over the responsibility of the parents and the doctor?
4. What is an example in the world today in which you, or someone greater than you needs to take more responsibility?
I definitely think the government needs to take more responsibility to instill the sense of responsibility to the whole nations in China. If there is one thing to make the country collapsed someday, I view it as the creditability of this nation. The creditability of the country is based on the responsibility that each of individual person and organization is taking. The noxious baby formula that happened recently made me really angry and worry. In a country where there is no major religious belief, many people are surviving to have better life without considering more about the sequence of quick success and instant benefit, the government take unshirkable responsibility to educate people, set regulations and compliance to monitor the progress therefore to instill the believes of each one’s responsibility.
5. Is everyone in the world “responsible” for everyone else in the world? Is a country responsible for something greater than their country?
Yes to both questions in my mind. As for individual’s responsibility to others, I view that from the role an individual is playing – as a mother, a son, or a manager, a project leader…, everyone is responsible for others at a certain level via different ways. For the responsibility of a country to another one, I totally agree to many others comments from world peace. I may add a bit more in terms of environment – when one country is consuming more resources of the world, it creates trouble to all countries in the world. From this point of view, one country is definitely responsible for other countries, and for the whole world. In a great harmony world, a world policeman may not be well-accepted by others, but the great harmony is based on each country is responsible for their own and for the benefits of the whole world.
BOB RIEL: Funerals
1. Which is the best funeral you ever visited?
Two funerals, actually. My grandmother's funeral and then my wife's grandfather's. There was nothing extraordinary about either event, as they were both simple affairs. There was sadness, of course, in knowing that the person was gone, but in both cases there was joy in recognizing that we were there to celebrate a life well-lived and long-lived.
2. Which is the worst funeral you ever visited?
My niece's. She was not yet a year old and, although she was born with a dangerous condition, it appeared that she had survived the worst and was well on her way to normal health when tragedy struck. There was something unbelievably dreadful about seeing her tiny, tiny coffin and watching my sister wail in grief. Such a different experience from saying goodbye to a grandparent who lived into old age and died of natural causes.
3. Did you make any plans for your own funeral?
I have not. It still seems too abstract to think about. Though I am reminded of an episode of the U.S. television show "Frasier" in which the lead character worked on writing his own obituary as a self-actualizing exercise to help him think about how he wanted to live the rest of his life. I suppose planning one's own funeral could have much the same affect, in that it would force us to consider how we want our life to be celebrated.
4. What are your thoughts on burial in the soil versus cremation? Which is better? Which is better for you?
Like most of you, I am also an organ donor. And I always thought that cremation made the most sense, if only to save the land and expense of a burial plot. Although for families that have lived in the same geographical area for generations, there is something to be said for having a spot where people can go to memorialize and remember their close relatives.
5. And finally: Isn't it just odd that the word funeral starts with fun...? What are your thoughts on the very word? And what is the word for funeral in your language, if your first language isn't English?
I guess my only comment would be that I, also, want my funeral to be fun in the sense that people can celebrate our relationship and my life.
And Jen, thank you for researching the etymology of the word. It's appropriate that it means to come full circle. That's really the perfect meaning. I also love your comment about babies who are born into families near when another family member dies. That actually happened to us, as our son was born just two weeks after Lisa's grandfather passed away. We were sad that her grandfather never got to meet Brady, but it was actually a topic of conversation at the funeral - the fact that we would soon be welcoming a life into the world, showing that life comes full circle and goes on.
Two funerals, actually. My grandmother's funeral and then my wife's grandfather's. There was nothing extraordinary about either event, as they were both simple affairs. There was sadness, of course, in knowing that the person was gone, but in both cases there was joy in recognizing that we were there to celebrate a life well-lived and long-lived.
2. Which is the worst funeral you ever visited?
My niece's. She was not yet a year old and, although she was born with a dangerous condition, it appeared that she had survived the worst and was well on her way to normal health when tragedy struck. There was something unbelievably dreadful about seeing her tiny, tiny coffin and watching my sister wail in grief. Such a different experience from saying goodbye to a grandparent who lived into old age and died of natural causes.
3. Did you make any plans for your own funeral?
I have not. It still seems too abstract to think about. Though I am reminded of an episode of the U.S. television show "Frasier" in which the lead character worked on writing his own obituary as a self-actualizing exercise to help him think about how he wanted to live the rest of his life. I suppose planning one's own funeral could have much the same affect, in that it would force us to consider how we want our life to be celebrated.
4. What are your thoughts on burial in the soil versus cremation? Which is better? Which is better for you?
Like most of you, I am also an organ donor. And I always thought that cremation made the most sense, if only to save the land and expense of a burial plot. Although for families that have lived in the same geographical area for generations, there is something to be said for having a spot where people can go to memorialize and remember their close relatives.
5. And finally: Isn't it just odd that the word funeral starts with fun...? What are your thoughts on the very word? And what is the word for funeral in your language, if your first language isn't English?
I guess my only comment would be that I, also, want my funeral to be fun in the sense that people can celebrate our relationship and my life.
And Jen, thank you for researching the etymology of the word. It's appropriate that it means to come full circle. That's really the perfect meaning. I also love your comment about babies who are born into families near when another family member dies. That actually happened to us, as our son was born just two weeks after Lisa's grandfather passed away. We were sad that her grandfather never got to meet Brady, but it was actually a topic of conversation at the funeral - the fact that we would soon be welcoming a life into the world, showing that life comes full circle and goes on.
EDUARDO INFANTE: Funerals
1. Which is the best funeral you ever visited?
That’s got to be Jaime’s, my best friend from High School, who died at the age of 24 while riding his bicycle in a rather shocking accident. Not only was Jaime my best friend, but I was very close to his family, too. So, in his funeral, and even in the days prior to his decease, my role was being a pillar for them. For some reason, even though there was sadness, there were also over 200 people showing up at the funeral, all demonstrating how much Jaime had touched them in life.
2. Which is the worst funeral you ever visited?
A high school classmate’s, who died at the age of 15. I didn’t really know the guy. But the whole funeral was impacting since it made me realize that life was not to be taken for granted.
3. Did you make any plans for your own funeral?
No, I have not. But I certainly would like joy to reign over sorrow.
4. What are your thoughts on burial in the soil versus cremation? Which is better? Which is better for you?
Like some of you, I’m also an organ donor. And I’m more for cremation than for burial. I don’t know, I guess it’s a little bit less painful for family and friends.
5. And finally: Isn't it just odd that the word funeral starts with fun...? What are your thoughts on the very word? And what is the word for funeral in your language, if your first language isn't English?
I had never actually stopped to focus on the first few letters of this word. In Spanish, it’s cepelio, and it does not have any special connotation other than a rather painful one.
That’s got to be Jaime’s, my best friend from High School, who died at the age of 24 while riding his bicycle in a rather shocking accident. Not only was Jaime my best friend, but I was very close to his family, too. So, in his funeral, and even in the days prior to his decease, my role was being a pillar for them. For some reason, even though there was sadness, there were also over 200 people showing up at the funeral, all demonstrating how much Jaime had touched them in life.
2. Which is the worst funeral you ever visited?
A high school classmate’s, who died at the age of 15. I didn’t really know the guy. But the whole funeral was impacting since it made me realize that life was not to be taken for granted.
3. Did you make any plans for your own funeral?
No, I have not. But I certainly would like joy to reign over sorrow.
4. What are your thoughts on burial in the soil versus cremation? Which is better? Which is better for you?
Like some of you, I’m also an organ donor. And I’m more for cremation than for burial. I don’t know, I guess it’s a little bit less painful for family and friends.
5. And finally: Isn't it just odd that the word funeral starts with fun...? What are your thoughts on the very word? And what is the word for funeral in your language, if your first language isn't English?
I had never actually stopped to focus on the first few letters of this word. In Spanish, it’s cepelio, and it does not have any special connotation other than a rather painful one.
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